It’s been a few years since my parents’ divorce, and my 40-something mother feels ready to start dating and meeting people.
She came to me this week and asked me about internet dating. Now, the only sites I know about are match.com and lavalife, through friends who have been on there for a while, but they tell me that most of their responses are from older men looking for sex.
Where can my mother go to meet men her age who aren’t skeevy guys looking for one-nighters? What sort of stuff is good to put in a profile at one of these sites? She’s looking for something friendly-to-maybe-serious-someday. What clichés does she want to avoid, and what should she absolutely include?
I know that some Dopers have met their significant others online, and I’m hoping that Mom can find that same happiness.
You can meet skeevy men online, in line or in church—it’s not where you meet but who you meet. The more men your mom meets, the more choice she has, but regardless where she meets them, the same rules of safetly should apply.
I met Drachillix (we celebrate our wedding anniversary on Tuesday) by answering his Yahoo Personal ad. I was dating a man I met in a nightclub and another I’d gone to college with years before. I dated men I met at church, singles mixers, dance lessons, at work, out shopping and in the library. I was chatting online with a man from Illinois whoi flew out to CA to take me out.
Men looking for one-nighters are everywhere, sometimes disguised as “looking for my soulmate” guys. Nice men are also everywhere and it’s your mom’s chore, sometimes a fun chore, to winnow them out of the chaff.
Have her ad be honest, not a list of her fantasies. Just about everyone likes dinner out and walks on the beach, but does she like ballroom dancing, classic cars: what would she go do alone? She’ll get more responses to her ad with a posted photo but a lot of men write online personal ads, so she should concentrate on choosing a man who appeals to her and not get freaked out when there are a few icky ones.
No, she’s not a Doper… I’ve tried to convince her, but she doesn’t think it’s her sort of thing. Actually, I think it’s because she’d feel funny reading my posts, or having me read hers!
And I realize that the skeevy weirdos exist everywhere, not just the net. And she knows that she should go out and try to meet people through activities, but she’s not quite ready for that step yet. She figures the internet is a good way to start, because she can talk to them a while first before deciding whether they’re worth her time. She’s getting into the pool slowly instead of jumping in with a cannonball. And I don’t blame her, it’s been tough.
So what site do you recommend? I know most of them have membership fees, and so subscribing to several would be expensive. Which are good?