My long-time friend is moving in with his new girlfriend. I volunteered my boyfriend and I to help them move into their new rental house, and he accepted, saying he would let me know when and what time. Moving day has been delayed 2 consecutive weekends, and now he tells me that his girlfriend has a vacation planned for the weekend they are scheduled to move, and that my boyfriend and I can come any time during the weekend b/c the girlfriend won’t even be there!
I feel that it’s rude of my friend to expect us to move HER stuff when she won’t even be there to help, and now I don’t know how to back out. And it’s not only her stuff, it’s also her daughter’s stuff.
I am amazed that moving day is something they have been able to postpone two weeks in a row - apparently on short notice. then - into a rental. I wonder what happened those other 2 weekends to cause it? Unless there was a problem with the place?
As for the vacation - if it’s a pre-paid vacation with flight tickets, etc., that she originally expected to take 2 weeks after moving in, and the 2 weeks of delays is reasonable, I have sympathy. That’s potentially a lot of money to eat. But… It’s a vacation she’s taking on her own, without the guy she’s moving in with?
Finally this is a “new” girlfriend, and your friend is jumping straight into the “move in together with her” phase? Depending on the reasons for the 2 weeks delay in moving and the circumstances of the vacation, plus her expecting him to just move all her stuff (and “her” daughter’s, which I take is not the same as “their” daughter) on his own, well I could be raising serious eyebrow here.
How old are these people and how much stuff is there? IMHO unless it’s a move from a 1 bedroom apartment, once you’re much past the age of 30 and are dealing with moving actual real furniture for many rooms, stuff from kitchens that actually get used for cooking instead of storing leftovers, and even kids’ stuff - it’s time to starting HIRING MOVERS instead of recruiting buddies for pizza and beer.
You may be able to get out of this by saying, ‘I’m sorry, we were available to help you move on <original moving date> but we’re going to be busy for the next few weekends so I don’t think we’ll be able to help. Good luck!’
Yeah, there is a point where it really becomes “grow up.”
We moved - under extenuating circumstances - my brother in law last year. He had plenty of notice regarding the move, but we still arrived to discover him barely packed and no effort made to take a few loads over during the time he had the keys and moving day. Fortunately, he had about a zillion hands helping him.
I guess it does depend on the circumstances - I mean, I wouldn’t be able to cancel a work conference or something. But “vacation” is different, plus they sound old enough to get some movers! I just moved my boyfriend in, and have previously sworn never to do it again without movers, but it wasn’t much stuff and his books and all are still in storage somewhere. Anything more than two carloads and it would have been time to call Two Men and a Truck.
Dont do it. Moving is their responsibility, any help they get from well-meaning friends is simply a bonus.
My friend and his wife helped me move a couple of times. Both times I had everything in boxes, just needed extra hands/vehicles to transfer it to the new destination. Both moves only took ~45 minutes total. So when they needed help moving, I decided to return the favor, assuming they would be as practical.
I made the mistake of helping my friend’s wife move out of her dorm. A 3 hour drive to the dorm, only to discover nothing was packed into boxes. Because they had been in Europe previously, most of the other dorm dwellers had already moved out so there were no roomates to help. She had rented a U-haul truck with her friend who was…AWOL.
Friend’s wife had back surgery so she was limited in what she can do, which was understandable. I tried not to complain. But the tipping point was discovering that we had to move her friend’s crap (which was a lot). She was supposed to be there, but kept pushing back her arrival date. Finally she arrived…at 11PM after we had finished loading the truck with both women’s stuff :mad:
When we helped another friend I was much more stern about what I was and was not willing to help with. Yeah I’m picky, but I’ve gotten burned before.
Where were all these friends willing to help move people when I was moving every couple of years? I moved something like 15 times in 10 years, and I never had any offers of help. I also didn’t ASK for help, because moving sucks and I wouldn’t wish it on a friend, let alone an enemy.
I did the majority of the actual moving chores for my SO and myself alone. Because the SO was always working (med student/resident = no life and no money) I did 90% of the packing, 50+% of the put-stuff-on-truck work, and probably 99% of the unload and unpack work, including things like the washer and dryer, antique (ie:solid wood and heavy) bureaus, the DR table, umpteen book boxes.
I’m female, 5’6", and at the time weighed about 120lbs.
To the OP, you’re very nice to offer to help, but I think your friends can suck it up and do it themselves.
[Mitch Hedberg]Last week I helped my friend stay put. It’s a lot easier than helping someone move. I just went over to his house and made sure that he did not start to load shit into a truck.[/Mitch Hedberg]
Why were the moves delayed 2 weeks? If it was because they didn’t feel like it, that’s one thing. If it was because of the hurricane, it’s completely different. Vacations aren’t always movable and it’s understandable if she already laid out a bunch of unrecoverable money.
Is the move able to be delayed until she gets back? If so, then you should insist on waiting for her. If not, then your friend is in a bind and it’s your duty to help him out of it.
Having people cancel on you sucks. Many hands make light work, and for every person that cancels, the burden on the remaining helpers goes up. It’s times like this where you have to decide if you’re a true friend or just an acquaintance. Either way is fine, but that’s the choice you have.
If they forgot to get a moving truck last week and this week, she’s driving to the beach for the weekend, then you should back out. But if Irene made them cancel and six months ago, she bought a vacation package to Hawaii for this weekend, then you have to show up.
I made a rude sound when I read the OP - those are some large balls that friend’s girlfriend has. I hope he doesn’t mind that hers are so much larger than his. ETA: He’s the one saying for you to still come and help without her, so I guess his are pretty large, too.
