There is a dear friend of mine who has moved out of her current large older house to a garden apartment in another section of town over the past month or so. She requested my help and the help of one of her male co-workers the other day in getting some of the larger and more unwieldy objects transported. I brought my SUV and trailer and helped with the moving and her co-worker also provided muscle in getting the furniture in an out of the trailer.
The job was no big deal, about 2 hours of work and nothing back breakingly heavy. At the end it was “Thanks! Bye!”, and I knew ahead of time this is what it would be because this is exactly what she did when she moved into the large old house 12 years ago which was a far more involved whole day operation where she enlisted 5 men from her office and me, and someone had a large truck. That was also a “Thanks! Bye!” ending which puzzled some of the guys (and me, I had only just met her at that point).
Typically if someone is providing trailer, truck and muscle I’ll have at least some beer and sandwiches at the end. She does nothing, and the odd thing is she is noted for her cooking skills and her interpersonal sensitivity.
Just as out of curiosity as a point of modern etiquette, is it expected that the person being helped will offer refreshments to people helping you move, or is it entirely situational?
She probably assumes you want to get home and relax there, she mightn’t realize you want food or drink. Next time, drop a hint. “God! I could really go for x”
Fuck yeah. Someone helped me move a few weeks ago and I: bought her lunch beforehand, gave her refreshments after, then took her out for sushi the next week.
It’s not so much that we were wildly hungry or thirsty, that’s why I’m asking it as a manners question. I work in a mainly male sales environment and the general expectation between male peers is that is if a co-worker helps you with some physical chore outside the office they will offered food and drink of some kind at the end. If they are not hungry the offer can be declined, but the offer should always be made.
I’m just wondering if this is a universal expectation. Re “dropping a hint” I don’t think this would ever be done. If someone isn’t going to offer you simply make note and move on.
Honest to god, I consider asking for help moving to be a faux paux if someone has the financial resources to hire movers (Obviously, genuine need is different). Asking a friend with a truck to help you move one or two pieces of furniture? Fine, as long as it isn’t too often. Asking a bunch of adults to give up a whole Saturday working in the August heat? That’s “huge favor” territory, and one I think should stop (if at all possible) once people are all out of college and have full time jobs. Professional movers are surprisingly reasonable for in-town moves, especially if you move all the little stuff yourself and just have them do the big things. No food or drink is just insult to injury.
This happened to a friend of mine recently. She is from Georgia (the eurasian republic, not the US state), and hospitality in a really big deal over there. Even a brief visit to her place in London involves vast quantities of food and drink (so we try to visit her a lot!).
She and a couple of friends helped a couple move flats in London - a long, hard day of lugging stuff up and down stairs and in-and-out of vans. When they finally finished the couple went to the kitchen brought out two tins of mushroom soup “for a well-earned dinner”.
They then thought for a bit and said, “You know what, I think we probably only need the one tin”.
My friend was not impressed at all, and still turns bright red and ranty when she discusses it.
I moved last fall and several friends helped me with moving and general home fix-up. I bought lunches and cold drinks and paid for gas. It was quid quo pro, though…these were friends for whom I’ve done favors for in the past too. But even so, I would have felt weird not offering food, cold drinks and gas money at the very least.
Extremely tacky. Hey, we bought lunch and drinks for our professional movers, in addition to paying and tipping them! I can’t conceive of someone not at least making the offer to volunteers.
Beer and pizza is the standard currency around here. Up to a certain age - then you bloody well hire people.
But when younger, it’s understood that you’ll be thanked, fed and given beer once the moving is completed.
We didn’t buy ours lunch (and didn’t tip them–they were three hours late getting to the old house because they couldn’t find it right off a main road, took a wrong turn the next morning and were three hours late getting to the new house), but when I went out to get drinks for us, you bet your ass I picked them up something too. It was July in North Carolina, ffs, civilized human beings make sure someone working in that mess has something cold to drink.
I have always provided refreshments! Moving is a pain in the ass, you know it and your friends know it. So they deserve a reward for coming out and doing you a massive favor. Usually I do the following:
[ol]
[li]Provide coffee and donuts (or bagels) for the morning. Since we start early, I like to ensure everyone is fed and caffinated.[/li][li]Provide a case of water for throughout the process.[/li][li]Buy a bunch of pizzas for afterwards and maybe some beers.[/li][/ol]
I have moved twice and done this both times for friends, and when I helped them move in return they offered similar things. Sure, it does cost a bit for the box of joe and the treats, as well as the pizzas or Chinese food after, but it’s worth it for their help and the sacrifice of their time.
I can’t imagine not even offering bottles of water for the moving process. It sounds like your friend is clueless on this one, is this the first time they’ve had a move like this?
Of course you offer food and drink to people who’ve helped you moved, along with your profuse thanks. Personally, I’m with Manda JO - I just hire movers because that’s just a normal thing to do, but if someone was helping me move an item or two, of course I would provide them with refreshments.
Have you thought to mention anything to her? I mean, not to bitch her out and make a bit production, but just mention ‘You know, FYI, most people have snacks on hand for this type of thing.’ I would think if she was a dear friend she could handle it coming from you.
In any case, it’s good manners to offer something to people who go out of their way to help you. Food/beer when they’re done is traditional, though you could offer to take them out to dinner at another time.
At least two out of three of these is the accepted standard, or at least the expected consideration for my own moving services. #3 at the very absolute least, else I will be “busy” next time and every further occasion.
I would add that barring physical disability, reciprocation of the favor is also expected.
Cold beverages and a meal are the correct gesture.
Hell, even when I hired movers, I bought them lunch and offered them beers when they were done. That’s the minimum you should do for friends that are helping you for free.
