I’d like to thank you all for being patient with me. I had a small Island Nation to conquer last afternoon/evening, and I just couldn’t put it off. I’ve just got a couple items on my Evil Blackberry I need to address, and we’ll get right back into it. I’d like to also give you a few words of encouragement - you’ve taken the first steps towards being a Henchperson just by posting here, and I’ve also noticed a few of you have already started to do my bidding. That’s on your dime, people. I don’t want to start seeing invioces in my mailbox for whatever random mayhem you might be engaging in. Don’t get me wrong, I mean, I like to see the initiative, and I don’t want anyone to feel discouraged. So far, I like what I see. You’re well on your way to becoming evil Amway Salespersons. Er, I mean, Evil Henchpersons. Ignore what I said about Amway. We’re not affiliated. Seriously. If anything, we’re a competitor. /Villain
I’m playing the part of an Evil Henchman in a movie currently being shot (www.DirtyBumProductions.com). I’m a thoroughly Not Nice Man ™.
Does that count?
Edward The Head, I like what I see. Your exploits speak for themselves, though I do have some concerns that hiring a seven-foot-tall monster to do my bidding may send the wrong message to my enemies. I’m more of a traditionalist, you know.
Scumpup: Yes, yes. I get it. You going to kill me. :rolleyes:
I find your proposal acceptable. You’ll get a welcome package in approximately 10 business days. Do you have any problem with taking a drug test?
Jim, glad to see you’re on board. I’ve got something for you to get started on right away. I need you to electronically transfer all the World’s Wealth into my Swiss Bank Account. BWA-HA-ha. Ahem. I know it’s not a sexy assignment, but a villain’s gotta eat, you know. Please keep me updated Re. your progress. Thx /v
Which drugs do you want me to take?
Snacking on bridesmaids during the ceremony.
Daithi Lacha, we’re progressive here, and don’t really use the old prove-the-brutality-of-the-new-enforcer-by-having-him-murder-a-disposable-underling-in-an-extravagantly-grisly-fashion test anymore, as I’m sure someone will come along shortly to point out.
Scumpup, thanks for setting him straight 
(italicized text above blatantly plagerized from Scumpup’s post for the purpose of my own evil amusement
LiveOnAPlane, my “Accountant”, “Jim” should be “getting in touch with you” to arrange the “purchase” of your antimatter device. (Watch your back)
That is solved, then. I do understand villainy pays better (that would not require much) and you get to enslave sub-minions of Inadequate Genetic Procedence and force them into making your dresses.
Two for the lab here, sir!
GOOD GUESS!
Kudos (or, given the tenor of this Thread, is it Kodos?) on your taste in books. 
Oh, COOL, I get someone to stomp on while MouseMaven stomps on me!
You realize who’s going to wash the radiactive, corrosive glassware, right Bosda?
That’s what the Mutant Chipmunk is for, Nava.
Dear sir:
My name is Regallag the Axe, and I would be a great asset to your… organization. One in your postition most likely already has a trained assassin, but I am an anti-assassin. I laugh at ninjas (after I hunt them down adn tear them limb from limb), none have yet been able to hide from me, and I can take bullets without being fazed. I have a variety of axes which I can use at both long and short range. I am skilled as both body-guard and assassin hunter. I do not need to recsive a salary, as long as I am allowed to participate in raids, and keep the plunder.
I work on one condidtion: I will not wear any uniform that other henchmen might. My leather armor and iron helmet are all I need.
But I already have. BWA-HA-HA-ha
Baker: Smoldering hatred for humanity, eh? Revenge, eh? Accounting, eh? Hmm. There is a limit to how much evil I can really utilize, and the rest is just wasted. Or, worse yet, transferred (if you know what I mean). I’ll give you a tentative yes, but you’ll have to give up the accounting. It’s for your own good, really.
moonstarssun: :: Crickets Chirping in the distance… ::
P.S.
I once fought off twohungred and fifty fully armed and armored knights. By myself. At another time I once killed 117 outlaws armed with pistols, rifles, and shoguns.
Would it help if I mentioned that I work in marketing? For an insurance company? A medical malpractice insurance company?
Maybe I could help you with your organization’s PR and make it look like you’re a nice person. Not that you’re not. That’s not what I’m saying at all. Um, let’s get back to those crickets, eh?
“Outlaws”, hmmm…?
I guess that makes you a…hero…hmmm?
The kind that tries to thwart villains…hmmmm?
Oookaaayy…
GET HIM, BOYS! Whup his butt!
We’ll earn points wid da Big Boss!
I don’t mind hanging out in the dungon or jail. I could have my fun down there. Plus I’d be a great assest to the basketball team, if you wanted to go that route.
Scumpup, I can’t validate parking. You’ll have to expense it.
Kythereia, did you say Ritual Sacrifice? Now you’re speaking my language! You’ll have to speak with my Minister of Pain and Torture, though, I think he’s hired a part-timer to take care of our Ritual Sacrifice needs.
Declan, did you play the Organ at my wedding? Listen, man, you’re too evil even for me. You’re working for the Government now, eh? Which one? Perhaps it’s one of mine.
::Bringing several other henchman, especially Regallag_The_Axe along::
Mr. LiveOnAPlane, my boss **Mr. Smith ** has an offer for you that you cannot possibly refuse. We wish to purchase your antimatter device. We are prepared to make a very generous offer. Of course should you refuse, my Boss might feel insulted. It is never pleasant when Mr. Smith feels insulted.
Thank you,
Jim {BTW: Mr. Smith I can close the deal on bulk storage of business partners that have insulted you. It is with the New Jersey Landfill Authority}
Bosda Di’Chi of Tricor: No rouge is more valuable than an ex-goodguy. Luca Brasi was an Ex-NYPD Cop. Regallag should make a fine enforcer.
As long as your willing to work for a ridiculously HUGE simulated paycheck, I think we can come to terms.
Uh, also, you need to learn to pace yourself in the implementation of evil. You’re likely to pull a muscle if you keep up that pace. Kay? /v
All of you who are so eager to serve an evil overlord, I ask you-
Don’t you want to live in world of flying cars? A world of holodecks, and domed colonies in the depths of the oceans and the suface of the moon? Don’t you want to live in a world where chocolate and ice cream keep you thin and healthy, and prevent cancer? Don’t you want to live in a world where Cecil’s mission has suceeded, and there is no more ignorance?
Do you think an evil overlord can give you this?
Mad science is the way to a better tomorrow! You want wealth, respect, the love of hot babes? Mad science can make it all happen.
Inigo Montoya Mad science has made great contributions to medicine. But, it can do even more. Frankenstein and West showed us the way. A mad scientist could have saved your father. Become a mad scientist, and change the world so that no son ever cries over the corpse of his father ever again.
Edward The Head Society tells us that a seven foot creature is ‘strange’ and ‘abnormal’. Rubbish! Mad scientist work towards a world of robotics, cybernetics, and custom genetic alterations. Become a mad scientist, and change the world so that no one is a monster.
Bosda Chi Tricor Why be just an assistant? You can be the mad scientist. You can be the one getting the glory.
**Nava]/b],Mouse Maven Why work for an evil overlord? You know he can’t comprehend your work or your scientific vision. You know that he’ll keep you busy on utilitarian projects and never give you time to pursue your great research. How could you want this life? Break free. Work in your own lab, on your own projects. Answer to no one.