Well, okay let’s try linking it this way. Fucking monkeys.
Just in time for the Christmas season, Monkeydyne scientists have invented the bat!
The new bat is a charming addition to your seasonal decorating needs. Hang a few bats in your house from the ceiling for a festive look! Dangle some bats from your front porch! Charming is the sound of a single, silver bat tinkling gently as it sways in the gentle night breeze.
Bats have other uses, too! An iron bat hanging a tower is a great way to greet people for Sunday morning church services. You may even attach tiny bats to your ears, and put bats in your hair, for a delightful accompaniment of bats tinkling.
You can even use bats on your bedside alarm clock to wake you up in the morning! A screaming, ringing bat beside your bed is sure to remind you that the day has just begun. Attach a bat to the handlebars of your child’s bicycle! And there’s nothing more charming for your dear pussy cat than to see a giant ferocious bat clinging to his throat.
My fiance bought me a monkey ring for our engagement. Is there any way I can be sure it is a cruelty-free monkey?
I sincerely hope that the beta-testing for this sheep product was conducted in a safe, reliable simulation, run on one of the fine HAL-series computers…
Of course. Everything is sheep-shape and Briston-fashion. 
Apparently I shouldn’t have let my subscription to Monkey Business Week lapse.
Can one heat their entire home using nothing but Monkeydyne?
Also, is Monkeydyne interested in moving towards the cat hair removal industry?
There was a very interesting article on Baboon Prepetual Motion.