Me? I would make my monkey butler bring me drinks held high above his head. I would also make him smile on demand, the kind of monkey smiles that look like an evil grimmace. He would have to smile whenever he handed me a drink. If he spilled a drink the monkey would get SHOCKS! SHOCK the monkey!
he would lovngly give me pedicures.
and bring me cherry limeaides.
really, I ask for so little 
I’d make my monkey tap dance for me.And i’d probably make him shave.Cos nothings worse than monkey hair in your food.
I’d also have my monkey pick me up from the bar, Because nothings cooler than a monkey driver.And i’d name him fred.
I would have several monkey servants and would use different species for the jobs that best suited their mental and physical capabilities.
[list]
[li] The orangutans would be my personal masseuses. Their arms are strong enough to rip off one of mine with a singly flip of their wrist, which would make them well-suited for deep tissue therapeutics.[/li]
Also, they would perform medial tasks which require more intelligenge than that of the average arthropoid. They would balance my checkbook, do my taxes, and press the buttons on my microwave when I make popcorn. They would fix my computer when it breaks and transcribe my SDMB posts while I slowly paced around the room sipping brandy and smoking a cigar.
[li] The chimpanzees would sympathize with my troubles and make me laugh with their jester-like antics. I would dress them up like cowboys and indians and make them perform for me in theatrical displays while they lip-synched to action movies from the early 1970’s. They would also be the baristas at my espresso cart.[/li]
[li] The Silver Back Apes would be my armed guards and would answer all calls from unwanted solicitors. They would escort me wherever I went and ensure that I got the best seats and parking spaces. They would ferry me around in a rickshaw chanting “O wee O, OOOOO-O”.[/li][list]
Smart response wishbone!
Gee, I was just going to get mine to go after Dorothy and bring her back to me.
Redboss
[sub] playing the Irving Berlin CD compilation RIGHT NOW!![/sub]
wishbone,
what kinda monkeys are those? 
What does it matter to YOU?
Toilet cleaning monkeys, definately. Toilet cleaning monkeys.
If they were trained to do that there is a fortune to be made.
Anyone know where I can get my hands on some trained monkeys?
I have even thought up a name for this:
“The Flying Monkeys” or “Dorothy’s Maid Service”.
I would make my Monkey Butler bring me Iced Tea & onion soup from Outback. He would also be taught to do a little monkey dance for my enjoyment!!!
I would make him go take care of Homer for me
My monkey butler would be dressed like Jeff Hardy.
His job would be to bring me and Stinky Paws snacks and beverages so we’d never have to get out of bed.
He would also keep the massage oil bottles full and the handcuffs oiled and shiny.
He’d also remind us when Raw and Smackdown were coming on.
You disappointed me, chique. I was expecting to see this thread.
I’d send my monkey butler to Crunchy’s house, because I think he has more need of one. And then my monkey butler and his monkey butler could make little baby monkey butlers, and we could enslave the world! Bwahahahaaa … [sub][sup]what? Why is everyone looking at me?[/sup][/sub]
I’d name my monkey Simon and get him to dress as an 18th century aristocrat. I would teach him how to read and then shut him in a library for three weeks. Hopefully he’d pick up some useful stuff like how to make pies or darn socks or break-dance. The only problem I can see is that he might end up in the science section and then spend all day trying to lecture me about super-strings and quantum theory. If he did that I’d cut him.
Oh, and I’d sit him at a typewriter for an hour every day and see if he comes up with the complete works of Shakespeare. I doubt it. Stupid monkey.
Good God McDuck!!! As I was reading this thread, one thing kept going through my mind. Breakdancing. Too odd.
LMAO McDuck, too funny.
They’d do the damn dishes.
Damn it.
Studi
I’d name mine “Jeeves” and he would be responsible to keep the lair tidy and do laundry. It would give Lola and I more time to go a little ape ourselves.
I might even have the time to hang that trapeze bar in the bedroom.
