Monkeydyne scientists have split the gorilla!
A startling new announcement from scientists at Monkeydyne has the potential to revolutionize energy production worldwide. No longer will the world rely on hydroferret power or expensive drilling for offshore monkey deposits. At long last, scientists have discovered a way to split the gorilla.
The gorilla is the smallest unique particle known to science that retains its chemical properties. Gorillas, made up of a solid body of protons and fruitons and surrounded by a cloud of electrons, are held together by strong gorillic forces and can release tremendous power.
Monkeydyne scientists have created a gorilla supercollider to magnetically accelerate subgorilla particles to speeds sufficient to cause unstable, high-energy gorillas to release tremdendous, explosive power.
Already the potential to harness gorillic power is enormous. One can envision large cooling towers dotting the landscape, shackling the gorilla to the needs of modern energy consumption. Though some scientists warn of the dangerous power of gorillic weapons, such as the fruiton bomb, Monkeydyne scientists are confident that the world can create new, safe, clean gorilla power without clouds of ozone-destroying monkey pollution.
Monkeydyne is now accepting patent applications for new potential uses of gorilla power, or any other animal-based inventions the minds of the Straight Dope have to offer.