Here There Be Dragons

…dirty…bad…I wish you’d never been born….I never loved you…count, or I’ll start over again…bad…worthless…you’re nothing…cry, damn you (no)…I hated you after he was born…darkness…pain…mother love…pose for Playboy someday, won’t you, your tits are big enough…you slut…enjoy having the boys after you, don’t you….filthy dyke…fat pig…hey, look, it’s the white whale…I wish you were dead…why don’t you go ahead and kill yourself, I’m sick of you anyway…bad…Bad…BAD…you’re nothing, anyway, and never will be anything…

“He kicked the dog, can you imagine?” Her words hang there in the silence, between the three of us. Speechless, my brother and I stare at her. The screams of a mortally wounded kitten seem to reverberate through the room, even though the television is silent. We stare at her, but we can hear a black and white kitten screaming, and ourselves wailing, and Mommy insisting that I fetch the broken, screaming kitten so Daddy can finish the job when he gets home. “No, Mommy, please, don’t make me.” “Isn’t that just awful? He’ll probably be a serial killer or something.” My brother and I look at each other, and then away. Our silence makes us accomplices in the pretense that it never happened. For a moment, we bond again, just like when we were kids. She doesn’t remember. She doesn’t remember any of it. In her mind, it never happened. Sometimes, I still hear kittens screaming.

…bad…liar…I found out you were a girl and turned my head away…I always wanted a boy…go sit in his lap (no)…if you were normal, you’d do it, too…I always knew there was something wrong with you…you’re just jealous of him, because you’re a dyke…

I screamed it to the heavens, but no one believed me. No one wanted to. It’s easier, isn’t it, if it’s fathers molesting daughters, instead of mothers molesting sons? And I’m the one that’s dirty for saying it, for bringing it up, for even thinking it. I still feel guilty for not doing more to protect him. Wasn’t that my job, as the older sister? I feel guilty for not being a boy, because then it would have been me, and maybe she would have left him alone. Maybe he would have been the girl, and safe, from that at least.

In my mother’s world, none of this ever happened. Both what I’ve already written, and what I will write someday, when I have the strength and the courage to finally speak the truth, all of it. I spent too many years as formless as a shadow, trying to be whatever it would take to make my mother love me. Anything, no matter how destructive it was to me. Always praying that this time, it will be enough, this time, she’ll love me. Nothing was ever enough, not even that night…that one night that never happened. Because mothers don’t do that to their children, even or especially, their grown up children. What happened that night? Nothing, because it was all a dream. It had to be. And yet, if that was a dream, then maybe everything else was, too. But isn’t it odd how the bad dreams stopped, once I no longer saw or spoke to my mother?

The demons had been quiet for a while, but they started up again today. So I went out, out into the sunshine and fresh air. Demons can’t abide sunshine and abhor fresh air, where they must be silent. And I realize with every breath, every step I take, that I am finally free. With every word I write, I remember that it had nothing to do with me, I just happened to be there. Words have power, and today, maybe for the first time ever, the power is mine. I’m alive, I’m free, and there’s a black and white cat purring in my lap. And for now, that’s enough.

Mackdonna shoehorn butterhorse.

Seriously though, I wish you luck on your healing journey. You have apparently suffered some terrible blows in life :frowning:

I did not preview, so I was not expecting what I just read.

I am so sorry for you and your brother. I don’t think it is too late to go to the police and to seek help for all three of you. I don’t know if that will help or not, but if your brother is still a minor, please do go to the police.

I am way out of my depth and comfort zone. I hope your life can get a lot healthier.

I wish I knew something more to say, but I do not,
Jim

No, there are no children in danger. My brother just turned 29. He’s either in jail or on the street. I fear he is lost forever. Maybe someday, he will find his way out of the darkness.

It was the little things that got me through, until a teacher finally had enough and called CPS. Even so, it was not quite enough. I was 17, almost an adult. There is little that they can do so late, but they did everything they could. My brother denied everything, the family presented a united front. I was, and remain, the crazy one. I tried desperately to be let back into the family for years. Why? It was all I knew. Getting away was a long process, involving years of therapy, multiple hospital stays, yet more years of therapy, a year and a half of foster care, even more therapy, until I swear I could write a master thesis on the effects of trauma.

I spent years trying to be “normal,” whatever that is, until I realized that I am normal, for me, whatever that is. No one else can tell me who or what I am, or how I ought to be, or when. I live my life on my terms now, and I can change them if I want. Imagine that!

I wrote the OP earlier today, waited a few hours, edited it, and put it away. I didn’t intend to actually post it. Those are some of my most powerful memories. They were the ones that continued to wound. I decided to post it, and set it free, a letter from a distant shore, off the edge of the map, where dragons lurk. The rock in my stomach, the one that’s been there since before I can remember, is gone. It’s absence is peculiar, but I believe I can become accustomed to it. The wound has healed. Perhaps it already was, and I was merely tending the bandages on the scars.

I just wanted to be heard, and I was. That’s enough. For what you can do, love your children, so that when they venture to the edge, where there be dragons, they can find their way home. A passing kindness can mean the world to someone who expects a blow instead.

One of the most liberating moments of my life was one when Mom said “oh, we wanted you to be perfect” and from some unkown dimension I got the wit to reply “I am perfect. I’m a perfect ME. I’m the only perfect me there’s ever been. And each of my brothers is perfect as well - a perfect himself.”

Middlebro (the other one Mom drives crazy) applauded.

You’re the only perfect Jahdra there’s ever been or will ever be.

Damn…just…damn. I wish you hope in your healing. The courage to share that with the world was amazing. The strength you must possess would make Hecules jealous. Go love somebody, more importantly, love yourself and be patient with yourself.

Good God, Jahdra! That is appalling. Good on you for finding your way back from that hell.

You know something Jahdra?

You’re a pretty good writer.
I hope your family finds peace.

I feel kind of stupid trying to come up with something to say now. My thoughts and good wishes are with you. offers free hug

Jahdra well, dang, I don’t know what to say! Except the person I know on this message board named Jahdra is a fine, fine person. I like what Nava said… “You’re the only perfect Jahdra there’s ever been or will ever be.”