Here you go Shaggy.....Just what you are looking for...

http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=844146

start jacking off shaggy, you got a chance with this one,.

As much fun as the denizens are having with that, we all know it’s just a matter of time before He Who Walks Behind the Rows becomes her master. Do you hate Shag so much that you’d dangle the “perfect date” in the full knowledge that the cruel Powers that Be will inevitably snatch her away?

If so, bravo. Carry on.

Link in OP didn’t work. How hopefully sordid was it?

Shag ain’t no Gordie Sumner:

I will turn your face to alabaster
When you’ll find your servant is your master

Paul Thomas Anderson unavailable for comment.