heterosexual anal sex

Cecil's Columns/Staff Reports
41

There is one brothel here – brothel, not a bar – in which you are required to take two girls minimum (no maximum limit), the girls are all guaranteed bisexual, and there is a yellow line along the wall downstairs, the ones on the left of which do anal. It’s called the Eden Club and is owned by Mark, the legendary Frenchman. I’ve always wondered about the girls who specialize in anal and how it affects them over time. Never been an ass bandit myself, and I’ve never asked Mark about it; met him a time or two.

Back in West Texas, I knew a cop who was married to a nurse. He told me of some odd things pulled out of there that his wife had related, the weirdest one being a clock radio.

42

Ugh, that’s a very TMI story!

But really, that wasn’t my experience at all. I’m a clean freak, and my experiences with anal have been with a clean freak girl, she washes herself out with soap and water so there was no bad stuff back there. I guess that still wouldn’t preclude a drunken bout of diarrhea though. Ugh.

43

Not to question Cecil but I would probably have answered that the risks of heterosexual anal sex were the same as with male homosexual anal sex. Chances and probabilities are different but that only comes into play if your partner is random.

Now this I love. I take issue with Cecil’s claim that the butthole is exit only. I’ve heard this argument before and it’s too weak.
First of all there are a bunch of nerves around the anus that project right up in pleasure center of the brain. This of course only argues for digital and/or oral manipulation during sex, either as foreplay or during intercourse. That is a very good idea if you are going to stick your dick in someone though. Unless your partner frequently enjoys anal and is turned on, he/she is going to be tightening up involuntarily without a bit of pre-plunge stimulation.
Let’s talk insertion. The rectum is a temporary hold for shit until you can get yourself to a loo and defecate. Afterwards any leftover shit is supposed to be moved up into the colon for additional processing/storage. I will readily admit that this function isn’t always terribly efficient. But to be honest I think that’s more likely to be due to modern dietary habits than intentional design/evolution. Luckily modernity has also given us stuff like 60 ml syringes and lukewarm water that can take care of that quite quickly (60ml at a time as too much water can give you unpleasant surprises later). Soap like control-z talked about should really stay on the outside of the body since it can strip the canal of its protective mucosal layer a lot faster than water can. Now how does this fit with a penis? Well the rectum (aka the naturally shit-free zone) is about 20 cm long +/-. That’s about 7 inches 10/12ths unless my math is completely wrong (just give up on those damn imperial measurements for the sake of Jeebus). In action it’s more since it’s pliable, stretchy material. That should fit most guys.

Hmm. I’m not sure if there was more.

Closing remarks: I have no clue whether we are adapted as a species to taking it up the butt, but I don’t think there’s any evidence that we aren’t.

Oh and about the anal leakage. There are some HIV drugs that can give you like violent, sudden diarrhea. I think that’s a more likely cause than anal. Though the whole foot in the butt might do it if overdone. Same goes for clock radios naturally.

Anyone have anymore questions?

44

I have several times wondered about anal sex and evolution.

On the one hand there is a large desire for it. Which must have evolved, or at least not be evolved against.

On the other hand, there is the risk of infection if you go from anal to vaginal sex. And that I would think should be a pretty big evolutionary factor.

So what am I missing here. What is the evolutionary incentive for anal sex to make up for the infection risk?

45

There’s also the risk that, if the participants enjoy it just as much as vaginal sex, that they’ll do it instead of vaginal (which would have a negative impact on reproduction). I’ve wondered about that, too.

46

Do animals have a similar anus-pleasure-center relationship as humans do? I know I’ve seen elephants’ prostates getting stimulated on the daily show, but I’m not sure if that’s the same thing. Anyway, I don’t think animals go around having anal, so I doubt it evolved specifically for that. It could just be tied to the defacation functions (a counterbalance to the sensitivity that has its own purpose or to the psychological aversion to feces). I know my dog gets quite happy after he’s pooped.

47

Warning! Explicit sexual references! Reader discretion is advised.

I would never accuse Uncle Cecil of homophobia and if the studies exist, they exist, for whatever they are worth. But if people who practise anal sex are in such danger of turning into human manure spreaders in old age, why is this not showing up in my own spouse and circle of friends?

I have been with my spouse 35 years. During that time, I have penetrated him anally about 2000 times. That averages out to less than once a week (not all of our sex is anal). Because of personal choice by both of us, I am always the “top” and no, I am not “tiny”. I am somewhere between average and generous.

My spouse’s doctor, who is gay and therefore fully aware of what my spouse does, has never noted the slightest anomaly in his rectal area. And, as an earlier poster noted, gay men talk about everything. None of our middle-aged friends has reported anything of the kind after years of anal sex. And now that the gay baby boomers are reaching middle age, why are there not dozens of ads for adult diapers in gay publications?

However, our gay doctor friend HAS told us that some people (not necessarily gay men) who are into extreme anal penetration (fisting, huge dildos, etc.) can eventually suffer something like the problems cited in Cecil’s response.

48

/momo said:

Gotta cite for that? Because I’m having a hard time believing that feces are normally transported back up the colon.

49

Leaving aside for a second the alleged and surprising conversion of Cecil to Intelligent Design and perhaps Creationism:), there are a few facts to be considered about the “design” or “non-design” of the holes in our bodies…

Most orifices in the body are BOTH an entrance and an exit, or at least serve more than one function.

The mouth is mainly an entrance but is used for the expulsion of mucus during colds and flus, and for vomiting, which, disgusting as it seems, can actually save your life in cases of food poisoning. In addition to being an entrance for food and water, the mouth can be used as an entrance for the penis, which is a wonderful way to reward that special someone in your life, ladies and gentlemen.

The nose takes in AND expels air. Also, it traps incoming dust particles which are later expelled or removed in dried (snot) or liquid mucus.

The eyes (if you want to consider them orifices) do their obvious work of accepting light images for processing by the brain, but they also excrete tears containing feel-bad chemicals, which is the reason we feel better after a “good cry”. Tear excretion also helps remove foreign objects that could damage the eye and signal our emotions of extreme sadness to our fellow social humans.

Nothing much goes into the piss-slit on the penis, I guess, but it IS noteworthy that the penis serves a triple function, as a conduit for urine, as a pleasure organ and semen conveyor.

The vagina/uterus system is DEFINITELY an exit as well as an entrance. I myself came out of one. You too I suspect. And unless your name is Jesus, I am pretty sure something went in there nine months earlier.

Which finally brings us to the anus which, we are sometimes told, cannot reasonably be considered anything but an exit, and cannot possibly have more than one function. This, in spite of the fact that the rectum on any healthy person is empty 90% of the time, and that millions of people can and do derive enormous pleasure from being anally penetrated.

50

Indeed.

51

Does anybody have any idea in what ballpark the risk for infection caused by going from anal to vaginal sex is?

52

Had it. Got the very invasive exams, follow-ups, and T-Shirt.

But I didn’t get it from back door hijinks. It involved ReddiWip and an unfinished deed. Apparently the background flora and fauna of my urethra prefer it over Cool Whip, and they decided to carry on over to my epididymis. I’m probably below average in the flaccid department, but I ended up looking like a Key Lime wearing a Vader hat. Not Pretty.

53

Here’s another minor hazard, and a moral pondering.

For reasons I don’t entirely understand, the bacteria in the rectum and the yeast in the vagina usually typically don’t stray to the other side despite the two environments being close together.* Now, there is such a thing as secondary yeast infection. I believe it’s also called balinitis. Hetero men sometimes get it on their own tackle. We’ve already dealt with the risk of e. coli bacteria getting into the vagina. Isn’t there also a risk of yeast going the other way?

Now, the formally moral part. In some religious environments, believers are forbidden to impede babymaking by most methods. They are also forbidden to have oral sex and anal sex, but the first prohibition encourages the other two infractions. Sometimes, chuffing out babies every year doesn’t fit into one’s life plan.

*NPR just did a little story on Webster Lake, also known by a frightfully long name that means, “You fish on your side, I fish on my side, and nobody fishes in the middle.”

54

Well I guess it’s pretty obvious that Cecil got “stumped” on this question. Clearly, he is relying entirely on the tired second-hand sources who based their own beliefs on false ass-umptions. He reminds me of my sex-ed teacher in the 10th grade who got laughed out of the classroom when it became clear he was virgin. Never could answer the question, “what does pussy taste like?”

The biggest risk you run from anal sex is addiction. The more you get culo, the more you want it. Contrary to the previously posted lie, the rectum can and does lubricate itself. Not as juicy as frontside, but that’s what lube is for. Just like the kitty purrs according to your stroke, the more turned on she gets, the wetter she gets in her booty too. And it doesn’t hurt if the penis is a leaker. Dry sometimes means she is either inexperienced, like little Cecil here, or she’s not liking it. Fact is, most men have no skills. That’s the real reason why so many women don’t enjoy it. Most women just don’t enjoy sex, period, because their partners don’t know how to fck. Use long slow strokes and work the sphincter. Don’t angle off too much – that results in getting crap on yourself. Reach around and stroke her vagina, lips and clit while you’re in her butt. Don’t do it like a porn vid. Those boys are playing to the camera, ie, the men who are watching, not the woman whose taking the abuse.

He is right about not going from anal to vagina. Bad idea. I’ve wondered about going from anal to oral, but some want it. Just don’t kiss me after cleaning me off that way. The second biggest risk is that you’ll let some ignorant idiot talk you into feeling guilty about it afterwards.

As far as evolution goes, the body adapts to whatever you ask of it. People who take it in the back don’t have noisy farts. They often have more, not less control. Why would you think they have weaker sphincters, for crying out loud? That’s just stupid! Do you think a gymnast has weaker legs after all that stretching and jumping? She’s exercising a muscle, stupid. It get stronger! duh! Why do you think Jean-Claude Van Damme bragged about being able to crack a walnut in his ass? There is nothing more unnatural about anal sex than about doing the splits while jumping around in a leotard. And considering that having 20 kids leads to poverty and an early grave, I’d say anal sex imparts an evolutionary advantage to the adventurous. Sure feels better than abstinence (talk about fu*king unnatural!).

As far as the remark about “design” and creationism, well, that pretty much tells you where Cec is coming from: ignorance. The vagina wasn’t “designed” for screwing either. It evolved to handle both a fast moving rod and an entire baby. And still, women die in childbirth because sometimes it can’t do what it was supposedly “designed” to do. So much for that “logic.” There is nothing rational, logical, or natural about sex. Pleasure is it’s own justification.

Fighting ignorance by contradicting reality. Ooh rah.

55

I guess it’s a little late in the thread to say it’s usual to post a link to the column in question, etc. but here’s Cecil’s column anyway.

56

I would be stumped as well. How do you describe that?

57

Work the sphincter, what do you mean by that?

Since the people from our evolutionary past wouldn’t know that it’s bad to go from anal to vaginal, a desire for anal sex would result in that risk. So unless the risk for infection from that is very small, I don’t see how it could be outweighed by any advantages of a tendency for having fewer children.

58

According to King Crimson, “like marron-glacéd fishbones”.

59

John W. Kennedy said:

That’s not particularly helpful.

60

Like a cross between sweat and yogurt. In a good way.

Of course, this varies based on the time of the month, diet, etc. Sometimes, there is a decidedly metallic component, like sucking on a penny.