For a while they ran a commercial in these parts for hot sauce that wasn’t hot. Which, of course, makes it. . . sauce. That commercial used to piss me off. But then they stopped playing it and my upset became just set.
Then there’s the one for some sort of diet frozen food in which one chef tells the other the reason their frozen crap is so delicious is that she’s “added flavor to taste.” What the fuck does that even mean? Will she be adding sound to noise next? Touch to feel?
And no, do not try to convince me she’s added salt to taste, or pepper to taste because chefs in a lab concocting frozen garbage cannot add spices to anyone’s taste but their own and they sure as hell cannot add fucking ‘flavor’ to it.
But the one that plays all the time in my neck of the woods, the one that gets me so upset I yell obsenities at the TV whenever it plays-- and it plays often-- goes like this:
Two couples playing Scrabble. One person puts down the word ‘you’. The next person says, “I’ll build on that word,” and sets down the letters n e f c u. Another alert Scrabble player says, “Hey, that’s not a word-- and you’re a teacher!”
Then, the worlds most retarded teacher says-- I swear she says this, “Yes it is a word. It’s pronounced nefque and it STANDS FOR Nassau Educators Federal Credit Union.”
That’s when I start yelling at my TV. “THAT’S STILL NOT A WORD YOU STUPID FREAKIN’ BITCH!!! AND YOU’RE A TEACHER!!!”
O.K., I surrender. I’m gonna go add some hot nefcu flavor to taste.