For the longest time I had a prosperous figure. Think Taft.
To get my diabetes under control I’ve lost a few pounds over the past couple of years, and now at 6’ 1" and 205 pounds I’m just that big guy with the moustache.
(Really. I stopped trimming the damn fool thing about four years ago and I now have one of the top thirty mustaches in the greater Sarasota area.)
I don’t want to say she’s fat, but…
She’ll probably answer to “Moo”
When it’s been necessary for me to use a person’s size as a point of reference I’ve always said heavy or heavyset. I used buddha_david’s Rubenesque once when asked point blank by a woman to describe her. She loved that.
“Big boned”?
I’ve heard ‘person of size’ suggested somewhere. Never actually heard it used on someone specifically.
I think the word “big” is descriptive enough to be clear who you are referring to, without the negative cultural baggage that the word “fat” has. This might be a bias on my part thought, I’m 6’5", so I’ve been called “Big [first name]” damn near my entire life.
The thing is, you shouldn’t be referring to someone’s weight (that is what used to be called a “personal remark”) unless A.) you are trying to identify some one, in which case “big” does seem to be the least offensive, or B.) it is a necessary detail in a good story, in which case you most definitely should be more creative that “fat”.
In those “only black person in the room” situations, I usually go to racial construct by the second try, “the gentle(wo)man of color”. I used to try “dark complected”, but no one knew what complected meant, or they assume I was talking about the Greek next to him. Sigh.
I’d prefer “a lovely armful”, myself.
Very good for men, and I remember a British woman on the Boston Commons saying she had “never seen such prosperous looking pigeons” before.
Generally “big” or “large” should be fine, but it’s a touchy enough subject that I’d probably try to avoid even that if they might overhear. I guess if I had to pick a word for other people to use to describe me, “big” would be it? I don’t know. The only strangers I remember commenting on my appearance in earshot were trying to be assholes about it.
… yeah …
Ample-Americans
Terms like big or large are probably best in that situation.
You pay a doctor to examine you, and identify any issues that might impact your overall health. Your doctor says “You’re fat”. Did he do something wrong, if his bluntness inspires you to address the issue?
Wasn’t it a Jack E. Leonard bit, My doctor said I was crazy, I said I wanted a second opinion, he said “You’re ugly”.
I’m zaftig.
Probably because “complected” isn’t actually a word. You meant “dark-complexioned.”
According to Merriam-Webster and dictionary.com, complected is proper.
::snicker: Everyone is a “person of size”, we’re just debating how, whether and when to quantify it.
Oh, how I hate that self-righteous smugness that declares itself to be “the wake up call” to the overweight. Hog. Wash.
As an overweight person who has been overweight since always, allow me to say this: I know it. I don’t need a doctor, ex-husband, or stranger in the check out line to tell me. Believe me, my own mother has been making a bed of needles for me to lie on since the early 60’s. I’ve told her to butt out and I’ll tell anyone else to kindly follow suit.
When you see an overweight person/obese person/fat person, you may think whatever you wish. Keep your comments to yourself. If you need to point me out, use whatever floats your boat. Call me a name to my face, you shouldn’t be surprised if I zing right back. I’m no shrinking violet and I’ve had it up to my pudgy little nose with people who act like they’re doing you some favor by pointing out your weight. No, I don’t want to talk about your diet suggestions. No, I don’t want to try your vitamins. No, I don’t need to drink maple syrup and cayenne every morning. No, I don’t give a toss about your opinion. Stick your nose back in your own business.
That “if” is bigger than I am. My experience is that when you insult someone (and calling someone fat in western culture is an insult) they don’t get inspired to address the issue. They assume that you are a jerk, and then they dismiss everything you said.
Heh, I said “heavy-set with big curly hair” last time I had to describe myself when meeting someone I only knew by phone. Shows you how long ago it was, now it would be “heavy-set with short gray hair”.
I also go with “big”, “super-size”, “larger than average” and similar. ETA: about myself only. To describe others I’d find something else.
As for the racial ID thing, I tend to just include race every time I describe someone, so everyone is described the same. Usually race, then hair color and style/length.
I usually try to be sensitive of other people’s feelings and use terms like ‘big’ or ‘heavy’ when needed to refer to someone’s size. Our next door neighbor happens to be very heavy and also suffers from bad joints. On a number of occasions over the past couple years, she’s relied on my family to help her out with certain tasks around her house that are simply too difficult for her to physically perform. She’s admitted that she’s very grateful for all the help we’ve rendered, but at the same time feels terrible and guilty she’s in the position that she requires assistance from us on occasion, no matter how many times we’ve said it’s no bother at all or that if the shoe was on the other foot she’d probably do the same for us. Anywho, she was over at our back yard cookout recently and didn’t want to sit on our lawn furniture because she was afraid she’d break it. I said I didn’t think she was too heavy, and she responds “you’re always so polite. But I weigh over ###. It’s okay for you to say that I’m ‘fat’. I know it and I don’t mind if you say it.” She’s usually a very sensitive person, so I guess I should be honored I earned the right to call her ‘fat.’ I still wouldn’t feel comfortable doing so.
I know there are people out there who take a perverse pleasure in making others feel lesser. But the majority of people, luckily, aren’t of that crowd. Not sure many of them would accidentally call someone “fat” to their face to begin with. They’d probably do like you, and refer to some other defining feature. Like a sweater.
But there are people out there who would call someone fat. And they’re most likely going to keep it up until they find something more effective to bully those people with.
Though, on second thought, the fat people themselves will probably feel the condescension when in conversation others try hard to avoid mentioning weight. I try to gauge the situation and eventually when the topic of weight comes up, not avoid it at all. They know they’re overweight.
I guess, gauge it. The point is to not treat people as other, in the end.