Updating the UNIX server at work, keeping the fingers busy. As a public service, I’ve compiled a list for male dopers to assist you in knowing what makes those doper chicks click.
A lot of diverse likes and turn-onsfrom two recent threads: **So what’s YOUR fetish? in IMHO** and **Odd turn-ons in MPSIMS**
I couldn’t resist editorializing on a few of the items, so in the interest of fairness I commented on each. No offense intended.
Ok guys here you go…a shot at finding the ideal real (or fantasy) lover: [ul]
[li]Ashtar: Japanese ‘Bishounen’ archetypes (males with long hair, pale skin, and feminine features) well-skilled in combative arts as well as cute (m/f) feets and someone who’s good with animals. [/li]Pokeman trainers need apply.
[li]Ayesha: The way he looks at me that way while eating an ice cream cone. [/li]What would Freud say?
[li]beegirl13: Men in kilts. [/li]She would have been in beefcake heaven at NYC DopeFest 2001.
[li]Broken Doll: Thin/muscled arms with Lotsa veins showing. Likes skinny/geeky guys.[/li]Too bad James Spader is taken.
[li]Cosmopolitan: Goatees, fairly muscular, bald-headed guys with a recent taste in tall guys. Please be intelligent, well-versed with a wicked sense of humour. Being handsome, rather tall & long haired can’t hurt. Nor can having long bass-playing fingers. [/li]Figure out how to incorporate the word hegemony while working the door at the pub gets you to second base.
[li]Dogzilla: Watching men shave. [/li]Hasn’t been the same since the introduction of the Gilette Mach 3.
[li]easy e: Guys with large (not beaver large) teeth with moles. [/li]As in skin growths - not subterranean pets in the backyard.
[li]ems: Men in dirty coveralls. [/li]Much easier to wash up then men in dirty diapers
[li]Eva Luna: Brains with bonus points for nice cheekbones, hair that is just long enough that the bangs flop into the guys face, musical talent, and foreign language abilities. 3[/li]The last scene in Silence of the Lambs with Lecter in the wig came to mind, I’m not sure why.
[li]Eva Luna: Nice hands that play music and give neckrubs. [/li]Knowing frets gets her wet.
[li]featherlou: Men in tight baseball uniforms. [/li]Rumor has it that baggy ChiSox uniform a few years back was changed on feather’s behalf.
[li]Freyr: Long, broad male feet and toes and a hint of scent as well as good full, non ZZ-Top Beards (goatees / Van Dykes are good) and long hair. [/li]Those are the G-rated one’s…the X-rated 1’s are on her un-linkable porn site.
[li]Guinastasia: Shares both a glasses and cleric fetish with other dopers. [/li]It’s not a fetish if you’re the only person in the world to have it.
[li]hillbilly queen: Long slender man feet (no monkey toes), Bald heads (shaved or natural), armpits (well-formed), Facial hair (any kind) and smiles (crooked). [/li]Very attainable stipulations for most males.
[li]Inanna: Guys who touch hot car parts, stick fingertips in pipes with burning embers, gracefully brush away the cherry that fell off their cigarette, putting out a candle with 2 fingers as well as slight underbites, receding hairlines (that create a widow’s peak). [/li]Any balding flame-eaters out there?
[li]Inanna: Tall men who like near-six-foot women. [/li]You gotta admit, horizontally they do line up better.
[li]islandgirl: Large, rough hands, dark, curly hair on a guy. [/li]Tell me what you wanting with the right man’s curls.
[li]Jaime: Likes blindfolds, being talked dirty to, ice cubes and Popsicles, going down from the passenger seat. Physically - tall dark and skinny guys, that are not pretty with dark eyes. Possible ideal mate: Mancow (Talk show host from Chitown?). [/li]Can imitate Howard Stern? You may have an in.
[li]jinwicked: Has a fetish for Jesuit priests. [/li]May get damp at the sound of John McLaughlin saying “Bye-Bye”
[li]jinwicked: Gets turned on by complex equations and formulae (i.e. quadratic equation) and the pale / skinny geeks that do understand them. Attracted to people equally, or more strange. [/li]Better strange than wicked.
[li]Just A Girl: Tall (6’1 plus), really skinny boys with long slender necks & flat, hard, poke-able tummies. [/li]I hold no grudges against Upham for stealing her from me.
[li]kellibelli: Veiny (penis-like) forearms, toe suckers, shaving heads bald and Superheroes (Batman, Spiderman, WOLVERINE). [/li]She had me up until the shaving part.
[li]Kiki (a lefty): Likes facial hair (goatees and beards), muscular legs and arms.[/li]Nothing kinki here
[li]hibernicus: Gets aroused from by buying (expensive gold or diamond) jewelry. [/li]Her ideal mate needs a higher earning potential the Skerri’s beau.
[li]kirk280980: Guys with “average” (not chubby) bodies, buzz cuts, smokers who can kiss deeply while (gently) pulling and twisting her nipples. [/li]Turn up the bass and turn down the treble.
[li]L714: Watching guys shoot pool. [/li]Awaiting release of the NC-17 rated version of The Color of Money.
[li]lexi: Likes long, dexterous hands, the way a man holds a cigarette and puts it to his lips, men who can cook with the brains to debate or play strategy games. Also likes rebels (bad boys with a troubled past) who are ethical. He has to be strong, bigger & taller than her with broad shoulders, with a great smile and a small tummy.[/li]I’d define a rebel without out a cause as a bad boy who cooks.
[li]Medea’s Child: Talented hands. Strong, dexterous, piano / guitar-playing or sword-fighting hands. [/li]Evidently, hands are the epeetome of her fantasies.
[li]Medea’s Child: Taller with broad shoulders, hug-able, fine hips, hands, brains (debaters), forceful (to the extent of Biting), cute penises, sharp pointy things, forehead kisses, lack of dignity without lacking confidence (secure) hand washing dishes without wearing a shirt (a rape-able offense). [/li]See that guys, the 1st girl to utter the P word and it wasn’t even in relation to size.
[li]monica: Biceps, blue eyes (some pale eyes too), gently running his fingers over her body, finding all of the SPOTS. [/li]What? No cigars! Sounds like braille to me.
[li]Nonny Mouse: Plaid flannel shirts, intelligence, creativity long hair, big hands with long fingers on tall, skinny guys. [/li]Getting the LL Bean catalog or Field & Stream in the mail must be happy days @ the Nonny household.
[li]OpalCat: Non-smokers, with lean (thin)/strong arms & shoulders and a tiny amount of chest hair. Preferably in jeans and no shirt or goofing around in a dress. [/li]If you’re much taller, have lean abs, minimal/no body hair, are assertive & confident, odds are you more likely to get a private lap dance from OpalCat as opposed to tubagirl.
[li]pepperlandgirl: Hands with long, agile, fingers. [/li]Honey-Do versatility a must.
[li]Silentgoldfish: Someone dressed up like a beatle. [/li]Off to the thrift shop for a Nehru jacket.
[li]Podkayne: Likes the back of a guy’s neck provided it’s clean & smooth (not hairy) when you can’t really see the spine (pudgy / fat back-of-the-neck without creases). Also likes smart guys who work in a different office.[/li]The most specific ads get the most responses.
[li]Pucette: Androgyny, funny guys with Gorgeous eyes. [/li]If Bowie had a sense of humor, he’d be in like Flynn.
[li]Rasa: Tall, skinny men, nice clavicles, crooked or gap teeth, hipbones. [/li]Still mourning the death of Sid Vicious?
[li]runforrestrun: Likes well-toned calves, runners, form-fitting Levi’s that show his bulge, watching porn (especially someone giving head). Also likes guys who are shy, intelligent, at least ten years older with a sarcastic sense of humor. In addition, it helps to be; self-confident, green (an environmentalist into nature), with good abs (somewhat / not crazy toned) a good kisser who isn’t afraid to touch and gives hugs, backrubs & massages. [/li]How long was your Christmas list?
[li]shrew: Nice masculine hands make her shudder. Her interests include earlobes, feet & teeth, body hair and blond or sun-bleached downy hair on the nape of the neck. [/li]Using fabric softener as opposed to body wash in the shower to increase your odds. [li]Simetra: Soft tummies & alto voices. [/li]Too bad Santa’s a baritone.
[li]Skerri: IT guys and shoes. [/li]Imelda & Bill Gates sitting in a tree…
[li]struuter: Seconds the fearlessness of heat. Intelligence, creativity & humor as score high as does watching somebody working on something they’re really good. Likes her men to have nice hands & forearms, can give intent gazes and have a good body image.[/li]A match made in heaven.
[li]Tansu: The place where a man’s neck slopes into his shoulders. [/li]The same spot where you administer the Vulcan nerve grip.
[li]ThisYearsGirl: Front tooth gaps & cross-dressers in panties (Not transvestites). [/li]Too bad, 8 short of a top 10 list.
[li]tritone: Shivers at the sound of a counter-tenor. [/li]Sorry Bowser, you’re S.O.L.
[li]TruePisces: Big hands, growling, a low, quiet, deep voice (especially on the phone), fingertips being brushed behind my ear & through her hair. [/li]Just don’t call and tell her you’re in the house.
[li]tubagirl: An inch or two shorter than her, a lil’ belly to rest her head on and lots of body hair. Smokey breathed, blushing guys who take the back seat out of the bedroom and command in the sack get extra credit. [/li]Practice saying “yes Dear” sweetly and “climb up here” assertively.
[li]Turpentine: Drools for men who play chess. [/li]It must make for some wild knights
[li]Washte: Big, tall, furry, men who speak a couple languages (Romanian wins extra points) with dark skin who wear a goatee and earring. [/li]Take 1 part Grizzly Adams + 1 part Wilt Chamberlin + 1 part Pope John Paul + 1 part Mike Piazza, shake well and serve over a mattress.
[li]Welfy: Likes dancing, in a fluid flowing motion and growling.[/li]My advice: keep away from the Russian circus during the dancing bears act.
[li]Yumanite: Lab coats on tall guys with glasses. [/li]Job snobbery may eliminate tall, near-sighted butchers.[/ul]
If your fancies are more toward the alternative lifestyle: [ul]
[li]matt_mcl: Makes passes at young guys in glasses. [/li]Harry Potter, watch yer ass!
[li]scott evil: Tall guys who wear glasses and don’t shave their body hair. [/li]Are Contact lenses, Nair or Wax disqualifiers?[/ul]
Well, there it is, squeezed into one neat little post. Wouldn’t it be easier if women you meet in public were as open & honest with their feelings?
Proof that: “You can impress all the dopers some of the time, and some of the dopers all the time, but you cannot impress all the dopers all the time.”
