In the tradition of the lady who sued Janet and Justin over Boobygate (she later dropped the suit), the fans who sued Creed for giving a bad show (hello! here’s your first clue it was gonna suck- it’s a CREED concert!) and in the spirit of the people who’ve sued McDonalds for making them fat, HSN for making them compulsive spenders and movieplexes for starting movies late due to trailers and commercials (all real lawsuits), we should pool our talents for bitching and make them pay by starting our own class action lawsuits. Soon the money could be rolling in, we could give Cecil money for more bandwidth, and we could all quit our jobs and devote all day to SDMB like God intended for us to do. So my first nominees for defendants:
A class action against NBC for producing Last Call with Carson Daly - this show is a total health hazard to anybody with high blood pressure or any other risks of strokes or heart attacks. As soon as Carson starts to interview any guest more cerebral than the twins from Everybody Loves Raymond the unfairness of a universe that lets Nell Carter die broke while this fishbrained git gets lucrative contracts becomes so painfully obvious as to cause great depression and potential apoplexy. Sue 'em. Ought to be worth at least $5,000 per Doper.
Another class action against NBC for owning BRAVO which produces Inside the Actor’s Studio . What if you had to drive or otherwise operate heavy machinery after listening to James Lipton? There’d be more cars careening out of control than there are in one of those Rapture movies. I’ll settle now for $17,000 and a warning label.
Yet another against NBC/Bravo for discrimination and loss of potential products. Just because I’m gay doesn’t mean I have any fashion sense or a well appointed apartment and, in fact, I don’t, but because of a circumstance of genetics and or environment I’m denied the right to be assisted by the Fab Five of Queer Eye fame- call that show what it is: QUISLING EYE FOR THE RATINGS! I demand the right to be considered for a new Thom Felicia original living room, a new Brooks Bros wardrobe from Carson, and a personal lesson on making eye contact from Jai. Worth an easy $80,000 per gay Doper, though I’d settle for an hour in a shower tanning booth with Kyan.
A class action lawsuit against American Movie Classics (AMC). The killer has just been confronted by the good guy- both draw a gun- one fires- exactly what makes you think "Now would be a good time to put in a George Foreman Pig Butchering Toaster Oven commercial here rather than waiting until later? $20,000 each easy.
A class action against Ted Turner for showing the movie Coal Miner’s Daughter so damned often on TBS, TCM and his other channels that I have the lyrics "but here in Topeka, the rain is a fallin’, the fawcet is a drippin and the kids are a bawlin, etc., permanently lodged in my head, causing enormous suffering and potential harm to other motorists and anybody who mentions Topeka, the White House Social Season or anything that’s “on the way”. $90,000 easy.
A class action lawsuit against the people who made that Levy’s “car wrangling” commercial that is at the beginning of the trailers for every movie I’ve seen in the past year for not picking a guy with a better butt. $11,000 per Doper.
A class action lawsuit against American Idol for making the Asian guy singing “she bang she bang” a meme and potentially causing hate crimes against other Asians. $20,000
A class action lawsuit against Loreena McKennitt for not releasing a single new song on her last double CD Live in Paris and Toronto . $3,000
A class action against Sean Astin and the producers of LOTR: ROTK for Sam’s comment “Let’s get you some clothes Mr. Frodo… you can’t be walking around Mordor naked” for both giving us the vision of Frodo naked and then denying it to us. That was sick and hurtful and caused me such serious injury I can never trust a short guy with hairy feet. $9,000
That should get the ball rolling. Please add some defendants; they can be from any branch of entertainment (movies, TV, publishing, etc.)