Hey, I'm "The Really Nice Man." No, really!

So, I was out in the playground, which is right in front of my apartment patio. I heard two kids, and their mothers playing, and talking. I said hi as I walked out to my “garden” to check my herbs.

I am looking them over, (the herbs, that is) and one of the kids wanders over, and asks about my plants. Just then, her mother says, “Kidname, don’t bother him.” The other kid tells her, and this is a quote: “Oh, he won’t mind, that’s The Really Nice Man.” Second kid comes over to join her friend. First kid’s mother talks with Second kid’s mom.

Both moms come over. “They aren’t bothering you, are they?” says mom the first.

“No”, I said. “Not at all.” I look at the first kid with summoned up severity, and ask “You aren’t going to eat my chives, are you?” She solemnly shakes her head, and then asks, “Which ones are chives?” “Are they good to eat?” “Ewwww!” (This in response to a suggestion that they taste sort of like raw onions.) Moms listen in while I identify the herbs. Mom two admires my Oregano. I give her a sprig. She says, “You are The Really Nice Man, aren’t you?”

The second kid tells mom, “Everyone knows him. He looks just like Santa Claus.” She points to my patio. “He lives right there.” “He really likes {New Baby in the Neighborhood}. He gave her mom toys for her.”

We discuss New Baby. I admit they are right. I am absolutely and permanently charmed by her. I gave her mother my daughter’s antique toys. I find out now that some of the neighborhood kids thought that was really cool. By the way, the new baby is outrageously wonderful. Bright, happy, attentive, and bold. Not to mention being beautiful. New Baby’s mom is fairly nice, too.

Anyway, it turns out, I am “The Very Nice Man.” I felt good about it, all day.


Aw, that’s sweet. It’s good to be The Really Nice Man. And way better than being the Scary Guy On The Corner or The Mean Witch Lady.

So your neighbors don’t know about your periodic efforts to wage chemical war with your kimchee?


You start off with the chives, you see, and you make them forbidden fruit. . . Well, forbidden veggies, maybe. The hard stuff comes later.


Yes, you are.


(Not to argue, but the perception is less than universal.) :wink:


Seems to be working out OK for you…I vote for making it a habit.

I’m glad this turned out as a positive warm experience for all.
I’m sorry to say it reminded me of an incident that happened to a friend, who looks more like Wilford Brimley than Santa.He is a grampa.
The mother reported the exchange to the police who strongarmed him into the back of their cruiser and demanded ID while grilling him.

While I, unfortunately (damn you, brain! Damn you!) am now flashing on all the news reports in which stunned, dismayed, traumatized neighbors are saying into a reporter’s microphone, “He was such a nice man–who could ever think he would do something like this?..”

I’m evil, I know it. :smiley:

So the question is- are you single & are there any hot single Moms? There may be magic in the making!

Hmmm… the realy nice man… with chives… and perhaps a pat of butter on the side, with a little salt. Hmmmm.

I’ve seen a few of your posts over the years, and you do seem a really nice man.

From back before I was a parent I remember how lovely it was to be just somehow liked by toddlers.

You know, he really is just a really nice man. He’s Uncle {Tris’ real name} to my kids.

Duck Duck GooseThey will never find the evidence. Never. Muuuaahh ha ha ha!

Oh. . . Um. . . No really. The Very Nice Man would never do such a thing.

Carson O’genicI have been there for the frightened suspicious moms. It’s sad. But, I have also been there for the great times, like the kids who are young enough to be sure I am Santa.

Friar Ted Plenty of hot moms, but to me they are just probable sources of more little kids to get to know.

Boyo JimWith a side of Kimche. Never forget the Kimche.

HawthorneI am the instant true friend of any infant. Can’t imagine not being willing to do whatever they want. I get only slightly less interested in kids as they learn to talk. I love the bold ones. I actually fear for them, but cannot avoid encouraging them either.

Ginger, thanks! A scary world we live in. I very sadly have to tell little kids to go tell their moms before they talk with me, since I am a stranger. Bums me out. The moms like it.

It was a great day for me, and nice to be assured that it shows to normal people. Well, normal dopers, at any rate. :slight_smile:


You are nice, but Kimche is a path to the Dark Side. Beware!