Hmm… maybe I should start from the beginning.
After our marriage my bachelorette pad, although comfortable, cute and private was lacking in space and natural light. So we bought a new apartment. This place is everything we had dreamed of, and whatever we didn’t like we fixed, renovated and changed. It is big, fresh, has a great view, there’s a huge terrace. The works. We love everything except the neighbors. They are effing ruining our dream.
It isn’t that they aren’t neighborly and friendly, it is that they are too much of that, I guess.
First hint of this happened at the second day after we started working on the renovations. The door was open while some workers were bringing some of the materials. I turn around and there are two ladies right there…
“Hello, we are your neighbors from the first floor; we came to see what you were doing”.
Hmm… Well. I suppose I can tell them. Then it was the neighbor from the third floor. Then the second floor on the right, then second floor on the left, and so on and so forth.
But oh but the lady on the second floor is special. She is special indeed. She shows up at odd times “to say hello”. And while at it, whether or not I look like I need a shower/am just coming out of the shower/were in the middle of sex/have visitors/am cooking dinner/am trying to blow the whole damned building, she would strike long conversations and tell me (rinse and repeat) her pathetic life story. And the neighbors’ life story. In intimate details.
It doesn’t really matter how many times I tell her “yes, I would visit you if I wasn’t so busy these days”, or “although I rarely go out I am busy, you know, I work from home”, or “It’s that we are really private people” she wouldn’t just take a friggin hint. No way. Hints fly over her empty head as silently and undetected as if they were jet planes flying very low. She doesn’t seem to comprehend that visiting me at odd hours and showing up unannounced is an unnice thing to do. Yesterday she did it for the last time. She just doesn’t know it yet.
So yesterday I am cooking dinner after both hubby and I had skipped lunch for various reasons. We were starving. Somebody knocks at the door and there she is. And she brought a friend to boot.
[Dame Edna Voice]
“Hello dear. My friend and I were just talking about you and I told her that you have the loveliest curtains and we came to ask you where you bought them”
[/DEV]
WTF? You are talking about me with somebody that doesn’t know me. You come to my house, unannounced, uninvited, questions me in front of said stranger about my husband and I, “suggests” that I show her my apartment, ignore my shouting “honey, put some clothes on, we have visitors” and ignore my comment that I am cooking dinner? Oh boy!
When my husband complained because dinner was late I told him it was his own damn fault. “Next time she shows up shout ‘where’s my fucking dinner bitch? Stop chit-chatting and get moving! It’d better be ready soon or I’ll be slapping everyone around’.
Maybe that will work.
