You Can't Pick Your Neighbours (Nose. warning: long post)

We have lived here for about a year and my neighbour has proven to be a little less than normal. When we first met her, she seemed very nice and good-hearted. What’s not to like? But then, she started telling me about how she was abused by her brother when she was young, how she drinks too much etc. This is a TMI for the first few times you meet someone! After a few visits, I decided that she was too intense for me, and that I wouldn’t socialize with her much. Intense people like that scare me because, in my experience, they tend to be very demanding and not clear on boundaries. I tried to avoid her and keep conversations short for a while, but then at Christmas I started to feel guilty. Maybe I was being kind of harsh, maybe she was just lonely or something. So the next time I ran into her I stopped and chatted for a bit. Since then:
-She alluded to wanting my bf (who she calls my ‘husband’ anyway - fair enough) and I to take care of her son if anything should ‘happen’ to her. She is divorced and the child sees his father and stepmother on a regular basis - there are no hard feelings.

-She offered to take nude pictures of my bf and I.
-She told me she hoped that the pain in her arm wasn’t from masturbating. Jesus! What do you say to that? I just said, “Well, that’s an injury report you don’t want to have to fill out.” To which she replied, “well I really hope it isn’t from masturbating because I just can’t stop.” I told her to use the other arm. I couldn’t back out of that conversation gracefully.
-She came over at 11am, already drunk.
-Later that day, she hit on my sister (who’s straight and married) incessantly.
-The topper!!! After she hit on my sister and didn’t get a response, she said “You know, when I get home I’m gonna play my piano for a while, then I’m going to go upstairs and watch SexTV and masturbate.”

What. The. Fuck??

My sister said, “I could really go for listening to some Eric Clapton right about now.” to change the subject.
I said, “I care for Apple Jacks a good deal.”
What the heck do I do now? It seems she’s trying some sort of bullying for attention. Can I sufficiently avoid her in the halls? What do I do if she knocks on my door? After her last comment, I don’t want to attempt to be her friend. What would you do?
FYI - I’ve assesed the situation as a terror level yellow:

Elevated condition. Significant risk.

Increase surveillance of critical locations.

Coordinate emergency plans with nearby jurisdictions.

Assess further refinement of protective measures within the context of the current threat information.

Implement, as appropriate, contingency and emergency response plans.

:smack: She just rang my doorbell…and I didn’t answer.

Lady… I live close… want me to come over and say all the things that you aren’t allowed to? Maybe we can make it one of our Otta-dope events :wink:

Sure, you can vent away!

I think I just might crack one of these days and give her a little diatribe on what I think of her uncouth behaviour :dubious: - wait a minute - i’m uncouth too. Ok, her ‘behaviour that makes me uncomfortable’. Damn. I am too polite. Gotta work on that.

You could always throw your own feces at her. She might understand that. Just wear some gloves first. But try the being rude verbally first.

Jebus! She sounds like she needs help. Fortunately, it’s neither your problem nor place to be the one to help her. From your short description, I’d say she definitely has a problem with boundaries to say the least!

She needs to be told in no uncertain terms that her behaviour is not acceptable to you. God only knows how well she’ll take it, though.

Good luck, let us know what happens.

Crazy neighbours are always unnerving. You never know what they’re going to do next (being crazy and all, ya know). We had a crazy neighbour when I was in high school; she did all sorts of just plain weird things, and a few dangerous ones. I would keep contact with your neighbour to an absolute mininum, and don’t be surprised if moving away becomes your only solution. If you do move away, don’t tell her - sneak out in the middle of the night.

No kidding! I’ve thought about that already. When she asked how long my boyfriend and I were planning on being in the city (as a setup to mention having us look after her son) we really evaded the question. We can safely move away to another part of town and tell her we moved back to southern Ontario.

For the record: she just knocked on my door AGAIN…didn’t answer of course. Sonnuvadiddly.

Just tell her to go away. The next time she starts on the TMI, don’t just change the subject, actually say, “Excuse me, I do NOT want to know!”

Even Vanier or Mecahnicsville might be preferable to move to rather than have her as a neighbour

Mecahnicscille? Where’s that?

What is so complicated about this?

Are people really so fucking hungry for drama in their lives? She’s knocking on your door and you sit there and pretend not to be home? Would it be so hard to explain to her that you don’t want to hear about her masturbation, you don’t want her to hit on your sister, and you don’t know her well enough to be comfortable with accepting responsibility for her kid? You’d rather pretend to be back in high school and avoid her in the streets?

Christ. Grow up.

I need to grow up? I’m not the one with unacceptable behaviour. How the fuck does this imply that I’m ‘back in high school’? Just because I would prefer to avoid confrontation doesn’t mean I’m childish. Not by any stretch. If it comes down to it, I will tell her what I think, but I’d prefer not to deal with her at all. What, exactly, would you do?

Mechanicsville is the stretch of Ottawa between Parkdale exit and Little Italy going from Wellington/Somerset towards the water…

Fun area… drive through the side streets to see :slight_smile:

and White Lightning sometimes the direct approach isn’t always the best thing to do. though I am sure if you were here you would be able to solve it with your mere frightning presense. Assuming you could get your ego to fit with you on the plane to get here.

LD: if avoiding her doesn’t work, maybe try telling her that you are realyl busy but that you will call her when you have a chance, hoping she takes the hint.

White Lightning, what you might be experiencing here is called “a different culture”. Just because you can get McDonalds in Canada doesn’t mean that we’re exactly the same as the United States. We don’t automatically think of confrontation as a solution to every problem.

What is TMI?

WWJD-What would Jesus do-He would place hands on her, cure her and run away.

She needs a girlfriend. Then the hand jobs will cease. Tell her to go to the local woman bar. (She’s drunk anyway).

Tell her to quit drinking (be a friend). Tell her to start smoking crack. Then she will be so paranoid, she will not leave her house. If you don’t like the crack route, tell her some mafia goons asked you about her and tell her that her life is in jeaprody.

Your sister needs to lok like a woman so the drunk lesbian will stop hitting on her.

Eric Clapton sucks. Melissa Ethridge is a much better singer for your in closet lesbian sister to listen to.

Your post made no sense what so ever.

Boogie on.

I wouldn’t have phrased it as harshly as White Lightening, but I agree with his/her suggested plan of action. People who are as clueless and intrusive as you have described your neighbor just don’t get subtleties and hints, so I think avoiding her and telling her that you are really busy will just prolong your agony. Honestly, how long do you want to go on trying to avoid that nutcase, until you finally snap and deal with it directly when you are too angry to be effective? You must realize that a direct confrontation will come sooner or later, unless you finally decide to deal with it by sneaking away to live somewhere else.

I would suggest being direct, telling her that you don’t find her behavior acceptable, detail it the way White Lightening suggested, and telling her you don’t want to be friends or have anything to do with her. If she doesn’t get it and continues to be a bother or escalates into agressiveness, call the cops and get a restraining order.

I understand you feel uncomfortable with confrontation, because I’m much the same way, and would prefer to avoid it rather than deal with trouble directly. But I’ve found that it’s better, and less painful in the long run, to just get it over with.

Best of luck to you.

tmwster , I think you’re right. I have trouble with confrontation - especially with people I am going to see again on a regular basis. Avoiding her is just a short-term way of dealing with her until I can come up with something to say to her. You’re totally right in saying that it will just prolong my agony if I were to attempt to avoid her on a long-term basis. I’m quite wordy sometimes, so I’m sure something will come to me. Thanks for your thoughtful advice.

Ooh ooh! My turn!!

Rob’s neighbor when we started dating was a “crazy cat lady”. They lived in a cluster of bungalo-type houses in a run down area north of the University. She had a whole bunch of cats, and her entire “house” was about the size of my living room. I think she had a dog, too. She was nice enough most of the time, but totally loony.

When Rob’s roommate Eric moved out, she refused to believe it. She decided that they were keeping him captive in a swimming pool underneath their house. She would drop things off on their porch… like bags of grocery store popcorn or blankets, with notes on them “for Eric in the swimming pool”.

She called the police several times as well, to have them go look for Eric. They’d nod and play along, and Rob would let them wander into his house and then they’d go out and tell her that there was no swimming pool. The police also said that they knew about her, and at least once they took her away to a mental hospital. She would come back and for a while she’d be on her medication and do ok… but then it would all start up again…

Neither do all of us.
Personally, I don’t like to confront people like that because I really, REALLY don’t like hurting people’s feelings. :frowning: