And we’re both married.
And I’m so NOT going to cheat on my husband.
Ok, it’s like this. The husband and I live in an apartment complex, we have a neighbor about our age who he became friendly with while I was in Mexico. I met him when I came back–nice guy, gave my husband a ride to the bus-stop one day when it was raining. We probably talked for two hours the first day he came over to my apartment. He seemed really super sort of strangely friendly (offered to starch my pants for me before a job interview?), and was poking around in my house a lot, and asking questions about my height and weight my pale skin and comparing me to his wife, whom I’ve never met.
But we had an interesting conversation, and I figured maybe he was just sort of a touchy-feely person by nature, and when he left that day, I felt pretty good about the new friendship.
Two weeks pass.
Today he knocked on my door to return a book, asking me why I haven’t come to visit him. I told him I was incredibly shy, which is true. I was already nervous as heck just talking to the guy, simply because he is a human being.
He sits down, and some very awkward (for me, at least) conversation follows. He is worried about me all alone while my husband is at work. He wants me to come by while his wife is not home. I suggest things we (the four of us) can do together, but he says his wife isn’t interested in socializing and he isn’t available on weekends. He just thinks we should visit each other during the day, while we’re bored and lonely.
Then he says, ‘‘Look at how cute you are without your makeup!’’ Most women can’t get away with that, yadda yadda.
Then he wants to put his name in my new cellphone–but warns me I should enter it under a girl’s name, so my husband won’t get mad. (Of course I did not do this.)
Then he comes over and stands real close to me while I enter his name in. I made some excuse like I have to call my Mom, because I was really uncomfortable at that point. He finally left, but he hugged me and pulled me real close and insisted I am free to stop by any time his wife’s car isn’t in the front lot.
He called me almost immediately after he left to ask me how to spell my name.
Now, I haven’t been married long, and I’ve never had anything like this happen before. I’m not sure if I’m just overreacting and assuming things, or if this guy really is trying to push things beyond friendship. He’ll remark that I’m attractive and then mention his wife in the same breath–it’s very confusing.
I just wanted a friend. I am really upset about this, and not sure what I should say to my husband. I already IMed him today because the whole experience left me stressed out, but didn’t go into details (he is NOT the jealous type.)
I am really shaken up right now. I have PTSD and I don’t handle unwanted sexual advances in the most rational and healthy way. Things felt out of control and I was afraid. He is a lot bigger than me, and I find that really intimidating.
I know, rationally, that I am going to have to confront this issue probably pretty soon, and I resent that, a lot. The guy lives right next door, there’s really no way to ever avoid him, and if he really doesn’t mean anything by his behavior, I would feel bad for implying he would cheat on his wife. On the other hand, if he actually ever does make a really obvious physical move, it is going to be pretty traumatic for me. I don’t want it to get to that point.
How does one deal with these sort of situations?
Comfort, Advice solicited. In whatever order you prefer. 