How do I handle this?

I woke up this morning, and there’s a note on the door of my room saying “Hi, I think you’re cute. I think we should go out, Roman” Now, first of all, that sounds so childish, I’m turned off, second of all, I love my fiance, third, I have NO idea who he is. I was a little creeped out, 'cause he knows where I live, but I brushed it off. This evening, I get a phone call from him.
He asked me out.
I told him, sorry, but I was talking to my fiance.
He asked if I wanted to go somewhere sometime anyway.
I asked him how does he know me?
He said that he saw me in the lobby of our residence hall, and thought I was cute.
I asked if I have met him before.
He says no, and he’ll let me go, he’ll call me later.
He knows my name, phone number, ROOM number and there might be a way he knows my schedule. Am I over-reacting? There’s a possibility it’s my bitch neighbor trying to get me, too. I’m so confused! I’ve never had a guy approach me, that’s partly why I’m suspicious. What if he’s stalking me? What should I do? (I’m telling my RA first thing tomorow). What if he just likes me? What should I do? What if it’s my Skanky Bitch neighbor? What then? Help!
Ask questions, please, if you need more info, and I’ll keep this updated.

Keep saying “I have a fiance.” Say it everytime he aske you out. Keep telling him you’re in a relationship.

If he keeps calling and asking, you have good reason to go the “residence life” people, or whatever you call them where you are, and tell them you’re being harrasses.

If he gets really creepy and doesn’t seem deterred, call your campus police and report it.

I know this is extreme, but you say you’ve told him your “dating status”: unavailible. It counts as harrassment. btw, what college are you at?

Ask him nicely that you wish he didn’t contact again, establish now that you are not interested. Be firm and not wishy washy but don’t over react.

Discuss the situation (I assume you are on a university campus or something to that degree) with campus security and document all interactions with this man.

If you tell him right off that you do not care to have contact with him you have established your wishes which helps you later if things get freaky.

If you are not dealing with a campus deal then contact the rental company’s main office. Explain to them you are uncomfortable with the situation at hand and ask them if they have security measures to keep people off the property or if they have a security officer to contact if you feel threatened.

Talk to your fiance as well. If he can stay in your room with you for a few nights then you will be able to have a status of your relationship known if this person is stalking you.

I am sure my tips are not exactly self assuring but you should do what you can to ensure you are not putting yourself in danger.

Oh, and make sure that you are with people as much as possible dirctly outside your building. Forget the loony neighbor and keep your safety first and foremost in your mind. If she/he is the instigator then this person will have to answer to the allegations if it continues.

If the asshole does not leave you alone and continues to call, again keep records and call the police dept. Get this activity known to all that can be of “authority” now and to your friends as well. Obviously you are feeling a sense of something threatening and you should never feel that you are feeling overly protective of yourself. Never, ever, feel like you are going off the deep end if your gut feeling is that of a threatening nature. It is your life and everyone has the right to live safely.

This may be nothing at all. Then again you do not know this person. There is no way for you to gauge their behavior. Register your concerns with your RA. Let them know that you have some worries. That way, if anything does happen, (perish the thought), you have some back-up.

Please let us know what happens.

University of Illinois, but do you think it’ll get that bad? Do you think he’s really he’s going to get that creepy?

Oh relic… I have to agree with TC on this one. He has an unnatural interest in you and I’m sure in the process of finding out your personal information, he also learned that you had a fiance. The fact that he doesn’t care about it, makes me think that he is being obsessive.

I would make sure to avoid being with him alone. If he corners you, make sure IN NO UNCERTAIN TERMS that you are not interested. BE CAREFUL! If he is wacked out, he’s going to misinterpret things – for example he might consider a smile to be a come-on, or a hand-written note to be a love letter.

DOCUMENT EVERY CONTACT he makes with you. If nothing comes of it, no problem. If he gets weirded out on you, you have a record of the things he’s done, which will make it easier to file complaints, restraining orders, etc.

Most of all, do not pay him direct attention. He’ll just feed off of it. This guy sounds creepy to me.

Sorry Plamyra, I disagee.

relic needs to establish NOW that his advances are not wanted. She should NOT give him any room what-so-ever into thinking there is a possiblity that something could develop. She must specifically state that she wishes he not contact her again, ever.

This gives her strength to work through it if the person pushes it further, joke or not. It also gives her strength with law enforcement if this person is seemingly is stalking her.

It is imparative (sp) that she set the stage for the future.

Look ladies the thing is, if you are wishy washy with a seemingly crush which could turn into something weird later when something in your gut is uneasy you could be opening the floodgates for things we never want to encounter. Never allow yourself to be potentially victimized by anyone of this nature.

I have never had to deal with something like that but I do know that if someone attached himself to me in such a manner and I was feeling particularly uncomfortable about the situation, I would follow all those steps as listed.

Remember women’s intuition, I believe in it strongly and if one feels threatened, take steps to cover your ass.

BTW, I’d LOVE to have my fiance over, but he’s in the Navy and will be leaving the 20th for D.C. :frowning:

I’ve told all my friends exactly what happend, but I’m gonna write it all down now, and date it. I’m going to have friends walk me to class, and I’m going to be home this weekend, so I won’t even be here. This is so creepy!

Thanks you guys, for the support, but I have to go to bed. Please, keep posting! I need to hear all this! Thank God my roommate hasn’t moved out yet. I’d be too scared to sleep alone!


I don’t want to put you on edge, but if you feel in your gut reaction something is freaky, please take action.

I hate to see a young woman be harassed for any reason.

As they say even in regular daily living:

Be aware of what is going on around you…on the same token don’t act like a scared mouse. Be strong in your stride and your public appearances. Walk with confidence and speak with confidence.

Can you get caller ID on campus? If so, spend the extra $6 a month to have it. It’s handy anyway, I love it.

Just be aware of what is going on, don’t give this man any opportunity to even think he has a chance with you. Don’t small talk, simply state you are not interested and you do not want him to call you again.

I hate seeing people go through this. I had a harassing phone call when I was in 8th grade. He had said he was from a local radio station. He proceeded to ask me questions about my panties and such. Of course I was not up to date on these kinds of calls and scared me beyond belief.

I never told my parents (who were divorced at the time) and had a dance recital that weekend. I felt violated and fucked up my recital. Yes, even a stupid phone call can make things very scary.

Ever since then, many years ago, I have decided that any man who is crossing the boundries will know up front what the deal is.

Some states have laws regarding stalking… because it’s a Bad Thing. This guy sounds way creepy. Dissect the note he left for you. Notice how he said, “I think we should go out”? He didn’t even ASK you out, like “Hi… I noticed your smile in English 201. Wanna go out for a pizza sometime?” No, he TOLD you that he thought you two should go out, as if it wasn’t your decision to make. Nope, I don’t like it one bit.

relic, stay on your guard, and let your trustable friends know so they can be by your side. If your campus offers escort services to your dorm, take advantage of it for a while. Don’t give this guy’s obsession any more chance to grow. Let him get bored, tired. Let him move on.

Well, I have an appointment with my RA between 12:15 and 1:30. I wish I had a wider time slot, ‘cause I don’t know if she’ll make it, but I have no choice. I’m going home at 3:00, so he can’t bug me from 2 and a half hours away. Unless he has my home phone, in which case, I’m callin the frickin’ police, AND getting a bodygaurd of Sailors! Thats all I can do today, besides having friends walk me to class.

i never told her to be uncertain, i merely suggested that she not overract by making it clear she has a relationship. THEN, IF he continues, call the fricking campuc police.

Well, nothing else yet. I going mow to talk to my RA, then I have class, then home. I don’t know If I’ll have internet access there, so don’t freak out if I don’t post until monday! I’ll try to get on at least once.
I’m shaking, but I don’t know if thats because I haven’t eaten yet, or that I have a mid-term in an hour, or Roman, or all three. I think all three.

I just want to echo what techchick said about your gut reaction. My own circumstance is a bit different because it involves a guy I actually dated very briefly, but suffice it to say that if you feel something isn’t right, you’re probably correct.

“Creepy Man” seemed ok at first-- quite witty, bright, that sort of thing. Something felt wrong, though, and I just assumed it was me worrying too much or not being used to dating. WRONG. He rapidly moved from witty & bright to pushy & moody; he, too, pulled the demand rather than ask thing. I broke it off, only to find out that every female friend of mine who knew him found him incredibly creepy and they all shared a sense of danger in his presence (Did I mention he didn’t want me to tell any of my friends we were going out? Don’t even ask me what the hell I was thinking.)

Anyway, this guy was friendly with my boss, and at one point asked her why I wasn’t returning his calls, making it sound like I was snubbing him on some professional matter. This was a year or more after I stopped seeing him. I still get the shivers when I know he’s in the building, or if I pass him on the street.

So in my roundabout anecdotal way, I’m just agreeing with the posters who are telling you to be careful, be assertive, do NOT worry about being impolite-- many women feel like they’re being rude if they say “No, I’m not interested”-- and take it to the police if lesser measures don’t work.

relic- make sure you save that note, it could be important later.

You also need to start a log of EVERY contact you have with this person. I don’t want to scare you, but these things can turn deadly serious. Write down what time and what was said each time. You will need this information later, especially if the police become involved. If someone is using a cell phone for example, you can compare the log to the bill. That kind of thing.

Stay very aware of your surroundings for a while. And let us know what happens, don’t let us worry.

I think that Palmyra has got the right idea.

Now that the rest of you have frightened this girl out of her wits by reinforcing her worst fears, I think that the overwhelming liklihood is that this guy is nothing more than you average, harmless socially-clumsy college kid.

Given all we’ve been told, his behavior is, at worst, unwelcome; to construe that it is “threatening” is rash.

It is fine to be on your guard, and some of the measures that other posters have suggested are perfectly appropriate if this guy pushes the matter after he has been explicitly – but civilly – told that you are not interested in dating anyone.

Furthermore, I suspect that after he hung the phone with you, the “fiance” reference sunk in and you’ll never hear back from him again.

I basically agree with Stuyguy. He left a note, and called the same day to say he was interested. Asking if she still wanted to date after she mentioned a fiance is crass, but not nessasarily threatening. It is very likely he never really heard what she said, and was working off a a script he prepared in his head. If the guy keeps pushing it, then obviously go to the campus police, and you should always becareful. But if you go to the police now, there will be a public record that he was was accused of being a sexual harrasser, when he might have just been trying to be romantic.

Ah, we seem to be splitting pretty much along gender lines again, which was likely inevitable. It’s very possible that this kid is simply a harmless twit and will now leave relic alone. I think, as everyone else probably does, that that’s by far the most likely course of events.

The problem is that if he isn’t harmless, relic can’t afford to waste any time in taking care of it. If the college tells him to lay off, no harm will have been done to him (assuming he does lay off). It’s sad, but young men must become aware, in these grim days, that persisting after a firm no is a very bad idea.

I wasn’t able to talk to my RA. But seeing that nothing else has happend yet, I’m okay with that. Also doesn’t hurt that I’m about 150 miles away, my fiance is just a 5 min drive away, and my parents are here. If I was there, diffrent story…

I wish I could have saved that note, but it was on a dry erase board. At least 3 people saw it, including my roommate, though.

I will see my RA monday, though. And my roommate will tell me if he calls or anything.

Gotta go. Need… sleep…