Please leave me alone, creepy neighbor man

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

For the record, I’m not looking for advice so much as I am to vent. I made a similar post on reddit and got a lot of, “take a picture and report him, DUH”-style comments. Because taking a photo of someone has never once spawned a confrontation… Anyway, sorry, just wanted to say that, first. Advice is okay, just please don’t be condescending.

For the last week (since Sunday, the 19th) I’ve been ‘running into’ the same guy outside my apartment building. That afternoon I was having trouble getting the ice off my windshield, no matter how long I had the defroster on for and trying to scrape at the ice. While I’m sitting in the car this guy wanders by and makes the motion to roll down my window. I’m assuming he’s another tenant and needed something, so I step out. He launches into what I can only describe as a mini interrogation: “where do you live? Who do you live with? You got a boyfriend? Hey, where you going? Who else is going? Can I come?”

Seriously?? CAN I COME?! I said a hurried ‘no’ and as I’m getting back into my car he asks ‘why not’? I ignore him and stare intently at my phone. He wanders off and I see him standing at one of the building doors. When I look up again, he’s gone. I get out and start scraping at my car again, only to realize he was standing at another apartment door across the drive. He says something about his sister shutting him out. Then asks if he can come inside with me. BECAUSE THAT’S F’ING NORMAL TO ASK A STRANGER.

I get back into my car. He approaches again and stands hunched over, staring intently at me through my side window. I pretend to make a phone call, and he finally wanders away and goes inside (guess his sister let him in). At that point I really do call my mom, asking if she could pick me up (we were meeting up at a bar to watch the Packer game). The guy doesn’t come back out, but I’m too nervous to get out and go into my own building.

The next morning, I’m again fighting my car and ice that is REALLY determined not to melt. The guy passes me, but doesn’t say anything. I don’t see him anymore that week until Saturday evening. I go out to get my mail and as I’m returning, he exists the same building (I’m thinking maybe he lives in one building, and visits his sister in mine, although we do not share a stairwell, fortunately). Calls out to me asking how I’m doing, and if I want to hang out with him. I ignore him and go inside.

Next morning, yesterday, I’m going out for coffee. I didn’t look out my window beforehand though, and he’s standing outside his door, which happens to be right where I’m parked. Starts talking to me again. Again, I ignore him. I’m not sure exactly what he’ saying here, but I think he called me gorgeous or something. Maybe not. Doesn’t really matter, because I’m trying very hard to not ever respond, anyway.

My friends and family are worried, and as I watch more true crime than what’s probably healthy, so am I. If my parents are dropping me off from anything, they tell me to turn on the light or text when I get inside, so they know I made it. It got recommended for me to buy pepper gel, which functions like pepper spray but is supposedly much safer. I’ve got it in my amazon cart, and plan on taking it on my long summer walks, when I get approached by guys all the time (in those cases I’m walking away and only see the guy briefly, so I’m more inclined to give a straight up, “nope”). I’ve also been recommended to take a photo of him, which I think is good, but I’m scared he’ll see me and react. I’m a 5’4 woman and I live alone. I’m not the most confrontational girl AT ALL, and wish I had more of a backbone than I do. I’m trying to raise my confidence, but telling off a guy who is MUCH larger than me and lives right by me scares me… I don’t have a name or anything beyond an extremely basic description, so without a picture it’s pretty much useless to report him. And what would I even report him for? Talking to me? I’d rather he just leave me alone, but I know that’s not necessarily going to happen, and if this continues I’ll HAVE to do something myself.

Sorry this post is so long. Like I said, I’m really looking to vent more than anything. I more or less know the options available to me; I just wish this guy wasn’t so fucking clueless that he thinks a girl ignoring him and avoiding eye contact is code for, “yes, please continue chatting me up. Let’s Netflix and chill the 47th time you ask!” :smack:

2

He sounds like he may have a mental illness. I believe that your path of ignoring him, may be the best for you.

3

If this guy is not a resident, the managers can ask him to leave. His behavior is creepy in many ways and it sounds like he has some mental issues. Every time you see this guy hanging around, report it to management. They can ask him to leave the premises if he’s not with his sister.

Save your phone’s call log to management. It can be helpful if they do nothing and you later need to break your lease to move somewhere else to get away from this guy. You may be able to record the calls to management even without their knowledge. It depends on which state you are in. Some states allow one-party recording, which means you can record calls that you are on without telling the other person. Other states are two-party, which means you have to tell the other person you are recording. In any case, having recordings of the complaints to management will also help you break the lease if necessary.

Think of this situation as the management is letting unsafe people hang around the property and they need to take steps to deal with it. Ignore him as much as you can and report him whenever you see him hanging around the property.

4

Perhaps, but it’s not a reason to not take precautions. The OP should continue with her purchase of pepper spray, and keep it in your hand when you leave the building.

5

Honestly, if this were me (and thank god I don’t live in apartments anymore)… I’d call the police. Maybe the non-911 number first and talk to them about what’s happening.

Don’t downplay your fears - if he’s larger than you and standing next to your car, he’s in your space, and is a potential threat.

I would like you to call your apartment managers now and explain to them what happened to you. If it happened to you, it may be happening to others. The more people who report him, the more leverage the managers have to deal with the problem. If you saw that he went into an apartment, that will give them a place to start inquiries. They may also be able to give you a number for their security people that you can call instead of the police.

6

Got a burly friend can come and hang about for a few times maybe? It might be all it takes. You could even pretend to be dating or such.

I know you didn’t want advice! You’re def right to find this concerning, and I’m glad you’ve spoken to some people about it. Consider speaking to a neighbour, who might take to coming out to accompany you in for a few times. Or at least keep their eyes open for him as well.

Good luck, glad you found a place to vent!

7

I was more worried about being belittled or treated like I’m an idiot for not confronting him. I do appreciated well-meaning advice I maybe haven’t thought of :slight_smile: Thank you so much for your kind words - I’m taking much of what is being said to heart.

In my apartment complex, or at least my side of the building, everyone is pretty isolated. I’ve never even seen the person currently living across the hall (had a few neighbors move in and out within a couple months). I have no idea who lives downstairs, just that they have a cat. The other downstairs neighbor has said maybe 2 words to me, and I’ve only seen them a couple times. People tend to come out a bit more in the summer, so I might have a chance to talk with others then. If anything, there might be someone else around when I’m heading out/in from the walks I like to take.

8

Any cop will tell you the first rule of protecting yourself from predators is to obey your instincts.

The next time creepy guy harasses you, call the cops. Tell them you don’t want to have anything to do with creepy guy and have them take a report. If he bothers you again, get a restraining order.

9

I think you should report this to the apartment managers. It’s possible they know about him already. He has probably bothered other residents too.

10

Applies to women too, and yes they do exist.

11

I don’t think anyone said otherwise.

12

Sorry to hear this. Just to echo others, the behavior of the man in question is entirely unacceptable and you shouldn’t have to put up with it at all.

13

Oh jeez, that’s creepy.

By all means, let your apartment manager know, because they might be able to either verify or deny the “sister” story. I like the idea of calling the police regular number first to talk about options. But, yes, get pepper spray and yes, don’t hesitate to call 911 if they guy keeps hanging out or keeps trying to talk to you. All of this activity should be done in addition to Omar Little’s advice of ignoring him when he is present.

14

This, and call the police if she’s REALLY frightened.

It does sound like he has some kind of mental health issue or impairment, which doesn’t make him any less scary.

15

Mentally ill people can be dangerous. Report, report, report. You need to let someone in authority know about this. If your on-site manager has no suggestions call the Apartment building owners.
Call the police if he approaches you. If he comes close or says ANYTHING get your spray out and dial 911 on your phone. And tell him who you’re calling, loudly.
Do tell the apartment manager as soon as you can.

16

Yikes. Sorry you’re having to deal with this.

17

One small suggestion to add to the excellent advice given so far: when you exit your apartment or your car, hold your phone up to your ear and pretend to be talking to someone. If the creepy guy approaches you, you can always drop the ruse and call the cops, but if he thinks you’re talking on the phone, he might not approach you.

Do you ever see him from your apartment window? If so, that’d be the time to take his photo–assuming he doesn’t see you, of course.

Also, how secure is your building?

18

Wow. Could we get some more stigma about “mental illness” in this thread, please?

Not directed to OP.

19

The OP sort of reminds me of something that happened to me way back around the time I was either a senior in college or just starting grad school, circa 2002-03. One evening a woman knocked on my door and said something about how her car had brocken down or somthing like that, and she needed a ride up the road to an auto parts store to buy a part. In hindsight I should have ignored her or refused her request, but at the time I wanted to be a Good Samaritan, so I gave her a ride. Got to the parts store, she went in and a bit later came back out and said they didn’t have the part in stock. On the drive back was when things started to get wierd. She asked if she could come over to my apartment and hang out. I don’t remember how I responded, I might have said that I couldn’t that night or something like that. But then the next she knocked on my door again a day or so later, asking if we could hang out. Like she thought we were now friends or something. She kept coming over and knocking on my door until I eventually stopped answering, and she eventually stopped coming. This woman seemed to have no understanding of normal social bounderies.

20

If he hangs out in one part of the apartment complex, an option might be to move to another apartment in a different part of the complex. Obviously that’s a bunch of hassle, but it might be worth it to not have to deal with him anymore. Sometimes the managers will work with you on something like this to avoid the trouble of breaking the lease.