Inspired by the guys and creepiness thread, and the fact that I think I’m being accused of being creepy by a coworker right now for no particular reason.
Backstory: So, at the Christmas Party last year, I’m introduced to this woman, who then asks me why I’ve been ignoring her at the bus stop. Huh? Turns out we live near each other and she’s seen me at the bus stop but I’ve never acknowledged her. Sure, I’ve probably seen her around, but she’s in a different department that until recently was based on another floor and I never have much to do with that department. I’ve probably seen her at the bus stop too but never made the connection because, well, I really don’t know her very well at all, nor see her very often. In fact, I see her so little that she wasn’t even a familiar stranger to me (you know how over time you see the same people on the bus or whatever and will recognize them, even though you don’t know them and haven’t necessarily even spoken to them before). So we clear this up and get to a friendly conversation. Turns out she lives in the next street.
A few weeks later, she comes up to me at my desk, describes what my house looks like and asks me if I happen to live there. Uh, yeah…why? Apparently she recognized my silhouette when I was out on my porch smoking at night. Across the street there’s a house, the living room of which is directly opposite my front door. It’s actually in the next street, but it’s between two apartment buildings so it has a direct view of my house and vice versa. Turns out she lives there! What are the odds? So we laugh about it, well, that’s awkward. I say, well, I guess it’s good that we know now not to do anything embarrassing that the other one can see. She goes, oh well, at least you’ll know if someone’s breaking in. The agreement was that we’d just go about our business and try to forget that we could see each other.
So over time I haven’t particularly changed my behavior because, well, why should I? I do sometimes happen to look in the direction of her house because a) it’s unavoidably the first thing I see when I walk out the door and b) my city view just happens to be behind the roof of her house. Or otherwise I’m looking at bats in the tree across the street, stray cats walking along, etc. So not directly at her. And I figured, well, I’ve stood here smoking at night for a year and a half before we ever realized we were neighbors and surely she must know that not only me, but anybody walking along my street at night who happens to glance over, can see right into her living room, and most probably most or all of the people in the apartment buildings in between us can too. So, surely, if she was worried about someone seeing in, she would close her blinds. (Hell, if I lived there, I would!)
Can you see where this is going?
At this point, I should state that if she had not recognized me and told me we are neighbors, I would have had no idea. Although I can see right into her living room, I really can’t see anything much at that distance, not even enough to actually identify her (hence I didn’t recognize her before - she’s just a little figure walking around inside and when she sits down, she goes out of view anyway). NOT that I’ve actively been watching her. No more than everybody notices their neighbors on occasion.
So a few times there’s been jokes about us stalking each other (at least I interpreted them as jokes anyway, nothing in her voice suggested to me otherwise). And I’ve told her, keeping it light, don’t worry, I’m not stalking her, the other neighbors are far more interesting to stalk anyway.
Then, recently she came up to me at the bus door and told me, quite worried, that I really should stop watching her. HUH?? :eek: I could tell she was really actually quite upset this time and I’ve apologized and tried to reassure her that I really couldn’t care less what she does and in any case I’m really not paying any attention at all, that I actually can’t see anything much as it’s too far away, etc. But in any case that I’m truly sorry that she thought otherwise.
Since then, I’ve just had a quick glance as I walk out the door. If her blinds are open, then I still have my cigarette on the porch, but I will deliberately face away elsewhere so that if she happens to look over, she can see that I’m not looking anywhere in her direction. If her blinds are closed or lights are out, I can’t see a thing anyway, and presumably she knows this and wouldn’t be able to see me either, so I just go about my business and stand wherever the hell I want to.
Once again, I’m just out there for a few minutes having a cigarette on my own porch. It’s not like I’m standing here for hours on end staring at her house for no apparent reason. Or filming her, or going right up to her window and looking in, or something weird like that. I’m just going about my own business the same way I did before I knew that was her over there.
So, the other night, I had a cockroach in my living room, one of those massive flying ones that are impossible to catch. So I open my front door and I’m chasing it around, trying to shoo it out. After a little while, a police car stops outside my house. Rather disturbingly, this isn’t a particularly unusual occurence in my street, there’s a few neighbors who are fond of having domestics regularly. But I do find it kind of odd that they stopped directly outside my house. I notice but continue to go about my business of trying the cockroach out. The cops don’t get out or go anywhere, don’t come over and talk to me. They just sit there for 5 or 10 minutes, then drive off.
Now I’m starting to wonder, maybe my paranoid coworker thought I was trying to distract her or something and called them. I haven’t seen her around since, so I haven’t spoken to her about it. I guess if she did, the good news is, they probably saw what I was doing and reported back, “He’s just trying to kill an insect or something, tell her to close her blinds if she’s that worried about it.” Which of course is my other frustration, if she’s really feeling that uncomfortable about the situation, why doesn’t she just close her blinds?? (Or for that matter, why didn’t she always close them at night as a matter of course in the first place since so many people can potentially see into her living room.) Then we definitely can’t notice each other and all is well.
What do you think I should do? Should I say anything in a non-accusatory way, or just bring it up generally (“weird experience with a cop car outside the other night, did you happen to see anything going on?”) - both at the risk of sounding more stalkerish. Or just ignore it and continue to be a politely civil stranger. I’m planning to move in a few months anyway when the lease is up (not because of her) but in the meantime the situation is getting just a little out of hand.