Or, next time, you could open the door nude and painted with pseudo-mystic symbols with a big knife in your hand and say, “I’m sorry, but only virgins are suitable sacrifices.” 
Telling you to put his phone number in your cell and then change his name so you husband wouldn’t find it is sooo creepy and offensive. The one thing that good realtionships have in common is trust, and he is telling you to break it. He is a troublemaker. Given your reluctance to cofront him, maybe you husband should do it.
Have you or your husband actually met his wife? It almost sounds as he is making it up to make you feel more comfortable or easier to approach.
If you have then his mention of only stopping over when his wife is gone is a sign that he wants to be more than friends. Why would you hide a relationship with a “friend” from your spouse?
I suggest you tell your husband all of this. For one thing, you haven’t done anything wrong, and for another, if you DON’T tell him now, and he later finds out what’s going on, he’ll want to know why you didn’t tell him. If you’re not sure what’s going on, then let him be your measuring rod; sharing your impressions with someone for advice (as you’ve done here on the SDMB) can help make a confusing situation come into focus.
Yes, the neighbor’s behavior is offensive. And I think your husband needs to be included in the situation.
One word of cauton: Do not be alone with this creep and under no circumstances get in a car with only him. I don’t care if you are bleeding and he offers to take you to the hospital. He is obviously trying to gain control over you, and being alone in a car with him would be the ultimate in control.
You don’t owe him a long explanation or a chance to air his feelings. “I’m sorry, your behavior has made me uncomfortable.” ::close door::
You know that old saying, “give them an inch and they’ll take a mile”? That’s what I’m thinking of. Don’t give him that inch…don’t leave any doubt as to how uncomfortable he makes you feel.
I’d wager that he knows just how distressed he was making you…especially after you told him straight out you are ‘incredibly shy.’ He probably gets off on that.
Then on the other hand, his offer to starch her trousers–worthy of a Woody Allen story in the New Yorker–certainly lends his campaign a certain je ne sais quoi.
Women get themselves stuck in so many bad situations because of this. They don’t want to be “rude” or confrontational. They want to find “nice” way to get out of these corners.
The thing is, the confrontation has already started. He was rude first. He hasn’t acted like a friend. He’s made a number of requests which are bang out of line and avoiding a direct confrontation will only prolong the unpleasantness. You don’t want to end up in a situation where you’re always having to check for this dude in the hallway or think of excuses for avoiding his phonecalls.
Telling your husband is the right first step. I think the next step would be to tell him that you’re not comfortable having him over when your husband isn’t home. Don’t debate it ith him, just tell him that’s how it’s going to be and that’s that. Don’t let him in. Close the door in his face if you have to (it wouldn’t be rude, it would be a RESPONSE to rudeness. Try to bear that in mind).
You’re not imagining things. This guy might as well be wearing a T-shirt that says “I want to set up something on the side for when my wife isn’t home.” You probably aren’t the first woman he’s tried this with. I bet if you told him you were going to talk to his wife, he’d leave you alone completely.
Maybe you could let your husband talk to the guy. I’ve done that once or twice when my wife has gotten a similar hustle from other guys. It was very effective.
I’d probably say something like this next time he tries to come over when Mr. Olives isn’t home–“I’m sorry, but I really don’t like having men who aren’t relatives over to visit when Mr. Olives isn’t here. It’s not that he doesn’t trust me, but I don’t even like to give the appearance of the possibilty of misconduct.”
I really appreciate this, because I wasn’t thinking about it like that. But you’re right. 
Just out of curiosity, what did you say/do in these situations?
Once a guy is pulling you in and hugging you tightly, telling you how attractive you are, having long conversations with you, and telling you to hide the relationship from your husband, he not only is looking for more than friendship, he thinks he is already well on the way.
He is also well aware of his size and dominance, and feels that you are shy and easily dominated.
It is precisely because you are shy and nice that you have to be MORE clear. The guy will not be inclined to take you seriously because he feels he dominates you. Even if you think you clearly told him no, he will shrug it off and try to continue as things are going. You should probably not have him over to your apartment any more, and most importantly you shouldn’t let him touch you any more.
This would be one of the worst things to say. It implies that she is open to the relationship, if only if that pesky husband wasn’t jealous.
I know, it sounds like a reallly weird euphemism. “Come on baby, lemme starch your trousers.” * winkwinknudgenudge*
Yuck. What a creep. You have every right to feel annoyed, angered even. His behaviour is not acceptable.
But please, don’t feel guilty. You have done absolutely nothing wrong. I hope these responses to your post help you realise that.
Okay, your reply is totally freaking me out.
I just don’t understand why he won’t take the hint. I mention my husband all the time. If this guy suggests we do something together, I say, ‘‘Oh, that would be fun. Let me talk to my husband and see if he’s interested.’’ When he suggested I enter his name under someone else’s, I looked at him like he was nuts and said, ‘‘What? No way. My husband trusts me. We don’t have that kind of a relationship.’’
Damn it. Just damn it. Now I have two people lurking around the complex I want nothing to do with–this guy, and that damned Jehovah’s Witness evangelist lady I chatted with one day. I’m such a pushover.
He won’t take the hint because he doesn’t want to. It’s all about him, sounds like you handled the situation perfectly fine. Nothing you’ve done has brought this on.
They have. They really have. Thanks sandra. Thanks everyone. I thought there might be room for ambiguity, but, I guess, no.
note to self: putting the word ‘‘seduce’’ in the title of a thread yields significant results.
Try to introduce them to each other!
d&r
He won’t take the hint because you are shy and nice, and he feels dominance over you.
You haven’t done anything wrong. He understands what you are saying, and if you were a more dominant person he would likely have backed off already.
But the unfortunate reality is that you will not be able to handle the situation the way a more dominant person would. You will have to be much more clear before he will begin to take it seriously.