Probably something along the lines of “If I ever hear from my wife again that you are trying to fuck with her, I will push nails into every opening in your body.” Sometimes being subtle doesn’t work.
Not quite that confrontational, more along the lines of, “This is ____'s husband. She wants you to leave her alone. It’s never going to happen. Don’t call her anymore, don’t wait around for her at her job, just move on with your life and we won’t have any problems.”
This has happened maybe twice. My wife is another person who loathes confrontation and doesn’t know how to tell somebody to fuck off. I find that these kinds of guys are not interested in actually fighting over a woman and just hearing a man tell them to get lost is enough to scare them off. It wasn’t necessary for me to physically threaten them, just letting them know I was aware of them seemed to be enough.
The above line was said to an asshole ex-co-worker by a nice co-worker’s husband. The ex-co-worker was a total ass. I have always loved the line.
Don’t get me wrong, it’s a fabulous line. It’s just that my husband is 5’7’’ and 140 pounds sopping wet. He is also one of the least aggressive people in all of creation.Diogenes response seems more suitable, but when Mr. Olives gets home tonight, we’ll approach the issue together to figure out the best course of action.
But this thread has made it pretty clear that going over to his house to try to be friendly would be pretty fucking stupid. I’ll make sure we’re not alone in any enclosed spaces ever again, thankyouverymuch.
BTW, Annie, I like your style. 
Am I the only one who says, “Call on the weekend when he won’t be home… but his wife will. Talk to her. Tell this woman what her creep of a husband is up to.”
The neighbor-husband is obviously not above deception and lies. At some point you’ll come up as a topic of conversation and he may have the opportunity to twist it somehow: “Why don’t I like that woman next door? Well, honey, I didn’t want to tell you this, but she was hitting on me!”
Call when the guy will not be home — or better yet, go next door with your husband and knock on the door. (A phone call leaves a caller ID trace and the guy will know you tried to call.) Introduce yourselves to the wife, make friends, let her know what’s going on. She deserves to know what he’s up to.
I worry about this. I don’t want a fight. But I’m worried if I call her and tell her, she won’t believe me, and will want to fight anyways. I could easily see her confronting him, and him convincing her that I was lying. Then I’d have an enemy. I don’t want enemies. I’m a lover, not a fighter!
I recommend seducing his wife. You already know he won’t be home on weekends. The obvious friendship between you and her should dissuade him from trying to go after you anymore and karma bites him in the ass. It’s a win-win with an option to go win-win-win if you let your husband in on the deal.
Enjoy,
Steven
My husband is about 5’9", but has a…presence…about him. When we were first living together, I had a neighbor who would be around when we were sitting outside on hot summer days. He worked at a dry cleaners and said he’d do my drycleaning for free (awesome!). So a couple times, he’d stop by, pick up the dry cleaning, and then bring it back the next day.
So one day, Mr. K didn’t lock the door on his way out and I’m sitting in my robe getting ready for work and Dry Cleaner Dude is standing in my doorway with my dry cleaning telling me what he wants to do to my body.
Now, I usually don’t scare easily, but there was no way out, I didn’t have a phone, and I was about half this guy’s size. I just played it cool and told him to leave the stuff on the table and lock the door on the way out (he complied).
I told Mr. K that evening, and he went over to the guy’s work and had a talk with him. He told the guy that if he ever so much as looked at me again, it would be the last thing he would ever see.
Never heard from or saw the guy again.
Telling the wife could escalate the problem - whether or not she believes you (probably moreso if she does).
Your husband sounds supportive and you seem to have a great relationship with him. Work to your strengths.Discuss it with him - tell him especially how you feel physically overwhelmed and dominated by the nasty neighbour. Not that he’s threatening you, but that his sheer size is intimidating.
Between you and your husband, hash out what particular things you found off about the neighbour; The touching, the wish for secrecy, everything that has been identified here as manipulation. Express your disappoitnment that you wanted a friend and seem to have gained… something else.
Whatever his *intentions *were, your neighbours *actions *are unacceptable to you.
You have a right to feel safe in your own home. The neighbour is taking that from you.
I don’t have a husband, so when this happened to me, I had to confront the ‘friend’ myself. I was terrified, he was a lot bigger than me and had spent a week ignoring every signal from subtle to, “I’m just not interested.”
I was so scared that I came across as angry.
He cried.
I felt like crap.
But he’s never contacted me again and I feel really good about that.
You think so? I look at it as saying “not only am I not interested, but I don’t even want anyone to think I might be interested in you!”
As I read your OP, I was thinking “yeah, creepy dude’s hitting on her,” and then I read that he gathered you into a hug? WTF? After you’d been sending “I’m shy, go away,” signals? That’s not just creepy, or clueless, that seems like a power-play to me. I would say it’s unbelievable, but of course it is. Douchebags abound. Sorry you found one.
I don’t want to add to your worries, but I really hope you’re careful around this guy. Admittedly, the simpler explanation is probably that he’s just a pathetic sleeze-bag, but I hope you take measures to protect yourself around him.
I understand this, since I’ve been dealing with shyness myself, especially since he’s right next door to you. But if I were you, I’d already consider myself to have an enemy–him. He suggested you lie to your husband, visit when his wife wasn’t home, talked about how much he liked your appearance to the point of making you very uncomfortable, and physically intimidated you. However you and your husband decide to do it, I think you need to Shut Him Down. Firmly. Soon. And remember that you have every right to do so.
It’s not fair that you’d have to deal with the ramifications, especially since assholes have the upper hand in fights because they have no qualms about being assholes.
You’re not a push-over! You’re doing the right thing and you’re doing great!
As pointed out above, unfortunately you don’t have a friend, you have someone who is trying to seduce you.
I used to hang around bars a lot, and met a far share of scum, who would try things like this with married women. Not cool.
When I was living in the States with my ex-wife, before we were married, there was a guy in her English as a second language who tried similar shit on her. She had problems getting him to stop so I went to where he worked and told him that he was never to talk to her again.
There’s a lot a healthy people out there to become friends with, no need to hang around with the fucked up ones.
Edited because this reply was far too late, the conversation has moved on.
[Scrooge]“Are there no air-horns? Are there no canisters of mace…?”[/Scrooge]
Sorry. It was either post that or the wishful conversation of:
“Awww! That was So Sweet of you to think of me! You know, I’ve been thinking of you too…”
<hard kick to balls>
“And that’s just foreplay. Now, be a good little boy and go home to your wifey, because if I have to have a talk with her, she’ll call this foreplay too. And when her lawyer’s done with you, you’ll have to untie a draw-string to take a crap. Umm-kay, Lover Boy…?”
Clear as in a swift hard kick to the nuts with a simutaneous smash over the head with a bottle and a couple of kicks to the kidneys as he is on the ground writhing in agony. Seriously! Men this intent on trying to score in the face of your discomfort (self declared painful shyness) will probably attempt to “close the deal” the next opportunity. . . . . Can you tell I had something similar happen to me?
Short of taking the offensive to make it clear–1) tell the hubbie, 2) tell the wife (if there is one) together after you (or hubbie) sound her out, 3) have hubbie tell him to consider you in no possible way interested and perhaps that maybe reporting him as a possible sexual predator to the police is in the near future.
I’d like to suggest a book to you, olives and really to every woman and some guys here to kinda get what it’s like. The book is The Gift of Fear by Gavin DeBecker. He’s some safety security guard type to the stars, but the book makes incredible sense.
His three big points (that I took away from it)
- Listen to your instincts. You have them for a reason.
- Never be afraid to be a ‘bitch’–it’s YOUR safety that needs to come first.
- Any actual good guy will understand caution.
Very good book, I buy and give copies of it to other women all the time.
He creeped you out–Be firm, even if he acts all "how could you THINK that!–and he will leave you alone if he isn’t a jackass.
If he is? It’s PO-leece time.
Good luck and stay strong.
(I’d like to point out that I love guys, usually relate to them very well, and have few that were scary or dangerous to deal with. But I have had a few. And it’s the one of the worst scary feelings in the world.)
(bolding mine)
If you were my wife, this is all it would take.
You know, this is the third time I’ve come across mention of this book. The first time was re-reading a TWoP recap of Joan of Arcadia from 2003, the second was watching Oprah while I was working out at the gym, and she was interviewing a woman who was attacked by another woman while she (the victim) was pregnant.
I think I need to go get that book for my daughter. So many women are afraid of appearing rude, or mean, or fear they are blowing things out of proportion.
Trust your instincts, and do not EVER be alone with this guy. He is so totally not reading your NO signals, and I fear that things may escalate if he is not shut down immediately.
May I also submit that “seduce” is too kind of a word here? He’s not trying to sweep you off your feet, court you with roses and chocolates. This guy sounds dangerous. Be very careful.
I think that book actually saved my life one night. I was working at a store, walked out to a distant parking space to get in my car. A guy approached me. I would’ve not talked to ANY man in a parking lot but was still in the mindset of being a person ‘taking care of of a customer’.
Him: I have a problem with my car, can you help me?
me: <thinking of jumping a bad battery and walking closer> Sure, what do you need, a jump? <older car>
him: no I need you to to sit inside and hold the door button down so it will lock
I’ve never been that naive, but still, I backed away from him and was very “get away from me, NOW”
Him: oh, you aren’t going to help me? You’re mean!
me: Get away from from me, there are men in there<pointing at the store>
that will help you with your car.
him: So you’re a mean bitch?
me: Yes I am!
Got in my car and screeched out.
Cried and freaked the whole way home.
But not afraid of seeming like a bitch. 
No woman should in situations like that.