French horn/mellophone here!
I play rhythm guitar in a semi-working, sometime recording band.
I also included keyboards and writing in my repetoire, but they aren’t my strong suits. I have next to no technique on keys, but I know all the major and minor chords, and I can fake it when I need to. I don’t write music as such, but I do have a library of riffs that have found their way into various songs. I suck at writing melodies, but I can come up with a decent lyric from time to time.
Primarily a guitar player, (but I also play piano accompaniment for an adult singing course).
I got a gig in a few weeks playing Bossa Nova tunes with a small combo but I’m a mediocre jazz guitar player at my best. (I’m actually a bit nervous but the singer is quite the tasty dish 
)
My main gig is my Moe’s Cafe project - solo guitar improv using loops. Sorta like Steve Reich/Philip Glass meets psychedelia, or something.
I play the tin whistle. I can pick a few tunes on a bagpipe chanter and as a kid I rang … church bells! Big bells - I had a go at the hand bells a few times, but much preferred the big ones. I’m not a Christian and eventually they threw me out for not attending service on Sundays. I loved it, I’d play any of the three smaller ones.
Anybody need a 'cello player?
I put sing and play guitar and bass. In the past I played viola, piano, and clarinet (and wrote music in a rock band), but those are the only three I’m comfortable with right now.
You forgot ukulele!
Klezmer violin.
My aunt plays the ukulele! I played it a little bit as a kid. I’m sorry I couldn’t include everything. 
Please keep the write-ins coming.
I play the bass and even some rythm guitar one in a while.
I can sing, but not well enough to sing a whole concert. Give me some backing vocal and maybe a lead here and there.
I sing. Definitely not solo quality, but I kick ass in a quartet or sextet. You can plug me in as a high tenor or a low alto.
I sing lead and play guitar in a classic rock cover band (in fact I need to leave soon to go set up for tonight’s gig). Also drum a little (for my own amusement mostly). I’ve dabbled in some songwriting, and played some of my originals at church when I was leading the praise band there, and right now I’m working on some originals for our band to record. I also mess around with some home recording.
Drummer/percussionist checking in. Played in my high school’s jazz and concert bands.
I checked damn near everything on that list. I can make noise with anything. I’ve been writing and recording and producing my own shitty cult music for over 2 decades now. They even let me keep it online in a few places.
Fake plastic guitar!
Also, real guitar. Badly. Still working on it.
Me too! My usual role in the family band is fake plastic bass. The singing is real, though. 
I’m a longtime player and teacher. The instruments that I actually play or have played professionally:
Classical Guitar
Acoustic Guitar
Electric Guitar (lead & rhythm)
Electric Bass
String Bass
Piano
Organ (Hammond, not pipe)
Mandolin
Banjo
Voice (lead and harmony vox)
Drums
Things I pretend I can play but know deep down I can’t:
Dobro
Harmonica
Fiddle
Turntables (DJ)
What I wish I could play but will never actually bother to learn:
Bagpipes (really!)
Cello
Marimba
any wind or brass instrument
I write and compose a fair amount. I mostly write rock, folk or americana songs, but have also composed a fair amount of orchestral pieces, mostly smaller works. I’m in school now for Music Production, and will be diving more deeply into the digital side of composition and production - combining digital and virtual instruments with real world instruments. can’t wait to explore this world more fully!
I mostly sing. I play a bit of piano and dabble in composition, but I’m not good at either.
Right now the only thing I’m working on is Frank in Die Fledermaus.
Things I pretend I can play but know deep down I can’t - my list would be:
saxophone
kalimba
Oboe started out as this, but became my primary instrument by the time I was in high school. I was kind of hoping some other double reed players would check in.
What I wish I could play but will never actually bother to learn:
I always wanted to try bagpipes, too. The timbre has a bit in common with the oboe, IMO. I also wanted to play cello. It has a beautiful sound, and it looked so cool when Lori Singer played it on Fame. She is a cellist in real life, too.
Drummer with delusions of grandeur here.
This is a Soundclick page I made a few years ago.
(no musicians were harmed in the making of this)