The old nanny that we recently fired texted Sr. Weasel a barrage of abuse this morning. Key points:
It’s our fault she’s going to be homeless again, we should have told her in advance (she got two weeks severance despite poor performance)
Our son is horrible because he is so unloved
We forced her to work illegally (she requested to be paid as a contractor - we paid 25% more than industry standard wage, at that. We also gave her paid sick and vacation time.)
We wouldn’t give her a break (true, unless you count the two hours a day she slept on our couch.)
Our son is going to get diabetes because we feed him sugar every day (that one has some truth to it. We’re working on his diet. Problem is he is such a picky eater).
We were rude to eat so loudly in our kitchen when her baby was asleep.
She is horrified that my husband is a psychologist because he is the worst person (this is almost laughable. My husband and I have bought her workbooks to help her with her anxiety, and he has never been anything but kind and empathetic, even in how he fired her.)
She said she almost quit months ago because of our horrible, awful son who screamed all the time. Well, guess what? He doesn’t scream like that around us. That’s one of the reasons we fired her. It increasingly became clear she didn’t know how to manage two toddlers.
I’m a bit hurt, especially at the idea that our son is unloved. I know it’s not true but I’m also not the mother I wish I was, so that part hurts.
But it definitely reinforces the decision to fire her.
My husband wants to validate her feelings. I’m more inclined to block her.
Wow, that lady really knew where to hit where it hurts the most. I’m so sorry your former nanny is being such an asshole. I agree with the recommendation to block and ignore her BS. You’re an amazing mother and you recognized when things weren’t working for your family, which is exactly what a good parent does. And same for your husband - he sounds like an amazing person and you both did everything you could to give this woman a break.
Another vote for “do not engage with FormerNanny.” These are classic manipulator tactics, all with the single purpose of keeping you engaged so she can go back to taking advantage of you.
When my oldest turned twelve 1, I asked my father when he thought he knew what he was doing with us. He gave me this piece of masterful advice: “Son, I’ve been faking it for the last forty-five years.”
1 - My advice: skip the ages twelve to thirteen if you can. I dunno, find a boarding school or time machine or something. Sixth graders suck.
I know this is a common thing to say, but … THIS. SO MUCH THIS.
She’s gonna manipulate the hell outta you, @Spice_Weasel please look out for her quicksand traps, and eliminate her from your life as quickly as possible.
My 25 year old niece, who lived in my home until recently, was a big BeeGees fan.
Now, a little thing I was going to put in the Benign Things that Make You Seethe thread.
Well, “seething” is a little strong, but I got totally annoyed with a woman at my neighborhood swimming pool.I was in a lounge chair, near the edge of the pool at the deep end. She was doing an excruciatingly slow upright dog paddle across the short end of the pool, near where I was lounging. Back and forth, back and forth, back and forth……slowly. Really slowly, it took her maybe 3 minutes to transverse the 30 ft distance of the short side of the pool.
I don’t know why I found it so annoying, except it was ……distracting and it went on for forever, about 45 minutes.
Then she got out of the pool and and it was immediately obvious that she was doing some sort of hydrotherapy exercise for a leg injury. I felt like a huge jackass for being annoyed.
I think you are right. My husband and I both have a lot of empathy, but I am also skilled at cutting people off when the relationship becomes too damaging. He doesn’t have this skill.
I wanted to fire her the second week when she showed up three hours late. But he wanted to give her a second chance. And more chances. And more… And now he’s wants to try to help her, at least emotionally.
I told him we do not owe her a job.
I told him we are not responsible for her feelings.
I’ll keep saying it until it sinks in.
The fact that she sniped at you after you let her go, and said such hurtful things, and had such terrible accusations are not a reason to try to help her. They are validation that you did the right thing and demonstrate that you were already far too lenient with her. If someone burns a bridge, your response shouldn’t be to try to fix that bridge. Instead, just knock that bridge down.
So we haven’t had Thai food take away since we moved to this small town, so I found on line a place in a larger town where my Mom lives. So excited, went there ordered take away, smelled it all the way home. Ate it and ten minutes later lost it😬. Threw away the menu.
Got to admit, my first thought reading that he ordered Thai food and lost it was “Oh, no. Did he put it on top of the car and drive off? Or take it out at a gas station on the way home and forget it?”
My brain loves to jump to conclusions; then I make it go back and read for comprehension.
