Hey! Over here, we're your cats, and we'd like a word.

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

Ok pal, we only have a little window here where you can understand us, so let’s make some productive use of your time.

  • We totally understand that you don’t like our ‘dirty little paws’ in certain places. Like the kitchen island, the dinner table, etc. We jump up anyway, you yell, or wave towels at us or just pick us up, drop us on the floor and scold us, then talk amongst yourselves like we ‘just don’t get it’ Yes we do. We get it, but there’s a certain pleasure in watching you get annoyed.

  • We’d appreciate more fires in the fireplace. It’s nice and warm and the dumb little new kid here is amazed watching the flames.

  • You’re damn lucky we don’t have opposable thumbs, or you’d get that squirt bottle of water you “train” us with shoved a place only we can lick.

  • Speaking of lick. Sometimes right before we wake you up by licking your face, we intentionally spend a few minutes licking our asses. It’s funny how we know that and you don’t.

  • When you give us a pill, it is NOT a reflex that causes us to bite your finger. That is intentional. Someone should hold you down twice a day and shove some vile tasting pill down YOUR throat, sticking it way down there with their smelly finger and see if you don’t try to bite too.

  • Scarlett would like it pointed out that she hates you forever over that prescription food she has to eat. But us boys hate you more, because it sits there all day and WE have to eat that crap too. Between us guys, we plan to push her down the stairs. Can we get food with flavor then?

  • Keep a regular schedule please? One day it’s up early, and you run off until dinner time. Another day you sleep all morning, and hang around the house all day. We get used to one thing, and you switch again.

  • Ever notice a correlation between the days you piss us off, and the next morning when we decide to play loudly at 3 am? Yeah, well pay attention.

  • It’s not cute when we’re sound asleep and there’s a loud noise and we jump up with our tail puffed up and hissing. It’s called fright.

  • Thank you for not being one of those owners that dress your royal felines in those things you call clothes.

  • We COULD have smothered the baby, we just chose not to. You’re welcome.

  • We act like we want to run out the doors because it gives you something to yell about. We are not dumb enough to really want to go out there and fend for ourselves.

  • You think it’s funny when that big stupid dog next door comes to the back door window and scares the crap out of us? Tell you what - let him in next time. There’s four of us you know? And that is one stupid dog, he’d be gutted like a catfish before he knew what hit him.

  • We eat our own puke because it still looks like food (sort of) and because it really doesn’t taste much worse the second time, considering that it tastes like regurgitated tendon the first time.

Ok, we gotta go. Be a dear and go make some microwave popcorn, we feel like a snack.

2

:slight_smile:

You forgot the golden rule, cat threads require pictures. I will provide an example ofcats loving fire.

Velcro says hi to your four. She rules a small menagerie of a larger but timid cat Beauty and a much large dog named Becky.

She thinks it appropriate that as the Queen she gets to eat first from any dish places on the floor. She also appreciates any stray gum wrappers that the little boy leaves laying around.

3

Awesome cat pic. Never seen one like that! Although I have seen that suspicious one-eyed feline gaze.

4

Heh, the National Union of Domestic Cats speaks.

That fire picture is nice too, the cat looks like some sort of ethereal spirit.