Indeed, my ex and I are waiting till the new year when, fingers crossed, I’ll have a sprog on the 16th January. Although I’ve already been promised a tonne of knitted babywear by every girl back home I talk to 
Looks like Jennifer and Steve deserve a place in http://www.etiquettehell.com/
I dunno, I think registries are a good idea. Most people are going to buy something for the couple if they go to the wedding, so it might as well be something they want. It also takes the guesswork and frustration out of picking out a present. Shopping for other people majorly stresses me out; it’s nice if it’s simplified. The big faux pas here was posting a flyer in the breakroom and just assuming that people would show up. Oh yeah, and the fact that they planned the shower themselves.
More etiquette disasters: a few months ago on eljay some chick was posting a “buy me Prozac because I am poor” Paypal link. This girl has a paid account with all the available bells and whistles, eats out approximately four times a week, oh yeah, and has the money to go see a psychiatrist in the first place to get the prescription. I wanted to tell her where to stick it SO BAD, but everyone else in the thread was giving her huggles and I didn’t want to get reamed. Meanwhile, when I complain about being poor and my life being a neverending cycle of anxiety and depression I get people calling me lazy and telling me to buck up. I guess my timing’s all shot.
Ugh. Send them the etiquette book with the relevant passages highlighted, and the page numbers of those passages written in black marker in the inside front cover.
My office gave a baby shower for me but there were only ten people in our branch. Since my co-workers had spend much of my pregnancy enjoying the opportunity to poke my poor belly and make jokes about quadruplets, I sort of felt a baby shower was appropriate payback.
But I would NEVER have initiated one for myself. That’s beyond tacky.
Our office policy was to celebrate anything possible – an engagement, a birthday, a promotion – so in the year I was there just everyone had the chance to enjoy a nice lunch, a pretty slice of cake and a small present.
Yes, you are being unreasonable.
They’re only asking for a little help with the mortgage and thier childs future Ferrari; and you’re blowing them off.
Uh, help ain’t what it used to be.
Agreed. I really appreciate when someone sets up a registry. I often don’t know their decor, what they already own, etc. I have no desire to spend money on a gift they can’t use or won’t love.
Of course, one should never “advertise” their registry in any way. My understanding is that it is only appropriate to mention your registry if you are asked if a registry exists - no printing it on flyers (!), no putting it in with invitations. Usually, the mother of the bride (or grandmother to be) will know as well and one can discretely inquire.
Exactly; I honestly don’t understand why some people get so offended by the mere idea of registries. It’s generally acknowledged that people will give gifts for certain occasions. I like being able to get something they want/need and don’t already have, and as long as there’s no strong-arming or blatant begging going on, I find it really helpful. People are still free to choose something outside of the registry, or not buy a gift at all, if they so desire.
I do agree that the situation in the OP definitely crosses the line, since this woman is soliciting gifts from a bunch of people she doesn’t even know. That’s just tacky, to say the least.
I once did exactly that. The daughter of one of my mother’s friends sent out wedding announcements to everyone she or her mother had ever heard of. I’d never met this girl, and as far as I recall, I only met her mother once, but the bride-to-be sent me a wedding announcement which said that, although I was not actually invited to the wedding or to the reception, I was welcome to send a gift. I thought this was the depths of crassness until I got to the bottom of the announcement, where I found this message: “Cash Gifts Preferred.”
I bought a book on etiquette and shipped it off. As expected, I never got a thank-you or an acknowledgment. :rolleyes:
It was probably a duplicate gift, and they couldn’t figure out how to exchange it.
E.
I might have offered to contribute to a one-way ticket.
You should have. As a former Marylander, I can attest it’s nicer here. Unless you like water.
I grew up being told that registries were tacky, the whole assuming a gift will be given and then the balls to tell people not just where to shop, but what to buy. It also indicated lack of caring or laziness on the part of the gift giver, for not bothering to pick a gift from the heart. The whole scenario was based upon not inviting people who aren’t close enough to you to know your preferrences and the old chestnut that it was the thought that counted. My family’s etiquette czarina was born to a very proper family, around the turn of the century, so I’ve had to adjust to more modern etiquette.
Anymore, registries are expected, though I think it’s sad how the art of gift giving is being lost because so many are afraid to buy anything off the registry. I agree that no hint of being registered should be given by the prospective recipients. That’s something you ask others in the wedding party, the baby shower’s coordinator, etc.
I have been known to hold onto a couple copies of some of the Miss Manners books for this kind of situation. They make great gifts!
I love it when people have bad cases of the “gimmes”. One thing that particularly pisses me off lately are those blasted registry cards people like to include in invites… or the note about “no gifts, just money” requests.
shudder… erg.
I don’t mind people setting up registries, but why do they have to do it at Macy’s or Bloomingdales? If they set up a registry for household stuff at the Target, I could buy them a lot more stuff.
My buddy is getting married and his registry has an entry for an oven mitt that costs $12 bucks. An oven mitt for God’s sake! Coffer makers are $55. Whatever. I have to fly to Detroit for this thing and I have $XX budgeted for a gift. If you want me to blow my gift budget on a half dozen towels, a coffer maker, and an oven mitt, then have at it. If you want me to buy you a lot of stuff, register someplace cheaper and you will do ok.
Actually, it would be pretty cool to mess with people who have registries. All of these stores have terminals where you can look strangers up and their requests. One of these days, I should go into a registry for John Smith, buy a serving spoon or a turkey baster and send it to them. With the item, Ill arrange to have a note included to the bride that says something like “Hey Baby remember that night in Myrtle Beach? I hope this little toy brings back memories.” That would make for a very eventful reception.
Some people actually do that–when my husband and I got married, we had an amazon.com registry with stuff ranging from $10 to…I think the most expensive thing was around $200 (digital camera), but we didn’t really expect anyone to buy it. It is unfortunate when people get greedy about this stuff and forget that any gift is to be appreciated. Of course we’re hoping that people buy a lot of stuff off our baby registry, because we’re having twins, and holy Jebus do we need a crapload of stuff. MAN. Still, relatives, close friends if they ask, but no giving the link out to total strangers.
Though of course if any of you fine people want to buy us anything, just email me.
Heh. 
I personally despise the whole registry thing and the sense of entitlement it entails. I bought my Henckel four stars and my All-Clad cookware after we’d been married for a dozen years and could spare the cash out of trying to scrape up a decent life together. I can’t cook worth a damn but I’m sure I love them much more than the Gen Y whose bridal shower I recently attended, who upon opening a gift of the specific cutlery she had demanded in her list of demands (don’t tell me a registry isn’t), trilled:
“I can’t wait to pack up my other cutlery and put it away for my future RV or vacation home!”
The only other thing I can tell you is that I can look at any wedding gift we received and tell you who gave it to us. That’s because they’re as individual as the givers; there are good reasons and stories behind why a couple of friends got together for an espresso maker and bean grinder, and the inlaws got us towels, and that one guy got us a framed print with cash attached to the back. The stories are as diverse as the people who were there for the event, and as memorable.
I know givers ask for registries. People ask for McDonald’s, too, because they’re lazy and care more about getting the job done and over with than they do about putting any more of their precious personal energy into it. This should not be encouraged, especially on a day when expressions of love and loyalty are at the root of the celebration.
As for people who put “No gifts please” on wedding invitations and really mean “Cash only gifts,” sorry, I don’t know you.
Once upon a time, most women who were getting married were moving straight out of their parents’ homes, or perhaps a college dorm or a shared apartment. Most men, same thing, though it was more acceptable for a single man to be living alone. In any case, both bride and groom were likely to be setting up a home of their own for the very first time. Wedding guests expected to give them a little something that would help them get started.
A bridal registry was a way to make sure that if one person was getting the happy couple four plates, and another was getting six cups and saucers, they would match. It also offered a way to keep track of what had been purchased already, so the couple wouldn’t end up with the canonical six toasters. Not that everyone was fond of registries, but they made sense, as long as the bride and groom chose sensibly.
These days, the bride and groom are likely to have already been living together for some time before the wedding. Even if they haven’t been, they’ve had homes of their own. It’s rare for a couple to marry without having the basics already. Registries don’t make as much sense as they used to, but sometimes people still expect them. Some couples do a good job with it, and choose things like DVDs of movies they’d enjoy watching together or new towels to replace the ratty mis-matched old ones. Stuff their guests can afford, and might want to get them anyway, they just wanted to check for a hint about exactly what the couple was dreaming of. And of course they are gracious about and grateful for any gift their guests choose to give them, and understand it’s the thought that really counts. Other couples, yeah, they see their wedding as a chance to “upgrade” to more expensive versions of everything, and then you get trouble when the cheapest thing on the registry is seventy-five bucks and they’re not gonna be happy if you dare to go off-registry. These couples need a whack with a clue-by-four, preferrably weilded by Miss Manners :mad:
Registries for showers strike me as just wrong, wrong, wrongitty wrong, because showers, whether bridal or baby, are supposed to be smaller and only include close family and good friends. They should be able to coordinate this stuff among themselves. And the less said about registering for kids’ birthday parties, the better :eek:
fishbicycle, just ignore them completely. Since you don’t know them, it’s irrelevant to you. Anyway, I’m of the school of thought that says you buy the baby gifts after it’s popped out, not before.
I’ve had a situation where I’ve bought a birthday present for a (now basically ex-)friend. It was a set of little wedgewood china plates, they were quite expensive, and I was a student. Anyway, she rang me up a week after her party and asked me if I was the one who gave her the “blue and white china stuff.” I said, Yes…
She said, “Do you still have the receipt? I was thinking I could return them and get some other stuff or get the cash back.” 
I…am astonished and don’t know what to say, so I say nothing. I just put the phone down. Next time I saw her, many, many months later, she never mentioned the china and I never mentioned it. Now she’s basically someone I make no effort to keep in contact with…I just make civil replies to her comments if we happen to meet up or she rings me. I’m still flabbergasted by the whole incident.
Wow. Just…wow. What a b*tch.
Will you be my friend?
I like registries for people I don’t know well, but I make quilts for close family or friends. We had a registry for our wedding, but our favorite gifts were the ones where people went off of it and out on their own - my uncle, who had no idea of my love for quilting, went to the local craft show in North Carolina where our family cabin is, and bought us a beautiful wall-hanging/lap quilt that was all hand-pieced and hand-quilted. It’s one of my prized possessions now, and I don’t let the cats near it.
I think the registry idea is helpful for people who don’t know the bride and groom well, or really do want to get them things they need (and even though we’d both been on our own for a few years, we were both still working from hand-me-downs and crappy items - it was really nice to get matching dishes and kitchen items that worked). I do think people go overboard, though…like my brother and sister-in-law, who had about twelve pages of registry for their wedding, and have registered for their new baby now (I’m throwing the shower next weekend). They’ve registered for all of the usual baby stuff, but the one that throws me is that they’ve registered at Target for BATHROOM ITEMS TO REDECORATE. It’s in a ‘child-friendly motif’, if there is such a thing, but I must be crazy to think that when you register for items for a baby shower, you actually register for things the BABY might use. Apparently, my brother doesn’t want his son using the girly bathroom items in there now :rolleyes: , but the baby won’t even use that bathroom on his own for at least two years.
E.
Ok, I’ll admit that we have a wedding registry.
But since we’ve been renting a fully furnished flat, the only household things we own are 3 noodle bowls (I dropped one), a wok and a cafetiere…
We sort of NEED the basic household stuff, and figured that no-one would know that, so we registered. For everything from a £300 Dyson (which irishfella’s sister is buying for us) to a £3.99 egg whisk (dammit, I want that eggwhisk!).
Of course, we didn’t tell anyone, and have just let anyone who cares to ask know where it is.