Sorry dude. I really *AM *busy that weekend. And anyway, I wasn’t included in your dinner.
Sounds like you had the same people that promised to help me move back in September. I really hate that crap, because I’m always helping people move furniture.
Well, that’s because Hal…no, never mind.
Hal, I live in Tennessee.
Can’t I just send you a fruitcake, or sumptin?
We have two friends we can absolutely depend on to help. The rest of 'em…I wouldn’t even put myself in the position of getting my hopes up.
I will always help a friend or relative who doesn’t have much money. If they have the dough and are just being cheap…well…I have something scheduled for that weekend already.
Sure, you don’t have to do any of those things, but you’d do them anyway. Are you really just going to sit there & watch the fireworks when the turkey ignites? No, you’re going to help. Otherwise, you’re as big a dick as the guy that backed out on moving day.
(Not calling you a dick, just speaking metaphorically.)
I’d help, but I live in Florida. Instead I wrote a song you can sing to cheer yourself up while you pack:
To all the “friends” I’ve moved before
Hauling your shit was no easy chore
I’ve bubble-wrapped your bongs
Ignored your jelly dongs
When we moved beds and they were on the floor
All my “friends”, I’m now depressed
I had Heinies in my ice chest
We’re not moving to Hong Kong
So what the hell is wrong?
Our new place is on the ground floor
This friendship thing is kinda blowing
So if in time you move away
Better get that ass a’going
I gotta wash the cat that day
{stands up, starts applause}
That was beautiful, Susie.
I’m with you there. Trouble is, they were both close family members, so we stayed and packed their shit for them. And of course, both of them are freakin’ pack rats, so we got to pack real precious shit. It wasn’t garbage that should have been thrown out decades ago AT ALL! :rolleyes:
Yes, those two moves are most of the reason that we are now out of the friends and family moving business.
I’ve moved a few houses but once I turned 40 eight years ago my world view on moving other people kinda sorta changed. I’ll help my kids move to the extent I deem practical, but I’m not busting my ass and endangering my back to help friends move. Social niceties are one thing, but the risks involved in humping heavy stuff (and I lift substantial weights for exercise) in cramped quarters and up and down stairs falls into the “bad idea” category if you are not relatively young and supple. The bottom line is I could do it but my likelihood of getting injured (possibly quite badly) in doing this stuff is much higher than when I was young.
If your friends are 30 something it’s not out of the question that they are thinking along the same lines, but are too embarrassed to say “no” outright.
I don’t get this. Let the movers move the boxes as well as the heavy furniture. They can load several boxes on a furniture dolly, roll them onto the truck and then into the new house. It’s not going to cost much more to let them move the stuff. The only things I would insist on moving myself are a few framed photos and my computers, and that can fit in my own car.
Heck, I’ll help my friends move for as long as I’m physically able to do so. All I ask is that everything is packed and ready to move when I arrive (just as duffer said). (Most of the time it’s not all packed, but that just gives me something to complain about ‘cause I was born a grump and I like jabbering away.) Thankfully, after years’ worth of moving favors being squirreled away, auntie em and I had 22 people show up to help (twenty-four if you count the two who stayed with auntie em and cooked lunch for all of us at the new house), and we managed to get everything stuffed into the truck in about two hours. Moving it into the new house was even easier.
My feeling is, if you can help, help. There’s no harm in asking friends and family, and no one should take offense if the request for help is declined. If they can’t help out (or don’t want to), then rely on movers.
Hal, though–yeah, that was a bum thing for your friends to do.
Hrm. If I invited all my friends to a celebratory dinner over getting a new home, I would not presume that implied any obligation on their part to move my stuff – unless I’d let them know exactly that beforehand.
The volunteering and then backing out, though, that’s just not cricket.
Myself, I quit helping friends move after one move where I got stuck carrying all the boxes of heavy books – through the sleet-storm – because the movees “didn’t want to hurt their back(s)”. And then another move, where the movee (1) had nothing packed, and (2) spent the entire night socializing with other drop-ins (who didn’t help out) and then disappeared for two hours to go get ice cream with them.
Now, if friends tell me they’re moving, I congratulate them and maybe send them a card. If they have a new house celebration, I bring them a housewarming gift.
And I expected the same for my last move, although I didn’t mind if they didn’t send a card.
That blows that people on whom your were counting stood you up.
I’m with the others in this thread, though, on moving. I wouldn’t dream of asking people to help me to move and I would not help anyone move, either. Fuck that shit; I’m way too old and way too busy. I work very hard during the week, and my weekends are pretty precious to me. I mean, I wouldn’t stand anyone up or anything, but I would politely decline if asked to help.
A gal I know is going to help someone move this weekend because of the promise of free beer. Free beer–that’s all! Beer is so frickin’ cheap!
Yeah, as far as I’m concerned helping each other move is out the window about the time you all get jobs. Maybe there’s one free one after college, but by the time someone is actually buying a house, no way.
One of my buddies moved into a new house a couple years ago. He moved his own ass, but wanted me to help paint. Like 2 months previous, I’d paid people to paint my house.
I told him, “don’t you get it? I paid someone to paint MY house. Logically, I’d hire the guy to paint your house before I’d do it myself. Do you want me to pay a guy to paint your house?”
He also wanted me to help him build his deck. I had a thread here about that at some point.
Get over it, Hal. They’re probably trying to tell you something.
I haven’t asked anyone but family to help with any moving since grad school, but there was one occasion where I did help a friend move since then.
I have a HUGE problem with the not-packing-shit thing. Get your shit together, and I’ll carry it all over the fucking place. And “packed” doesn’t include “jammed in drawers or in cabinets.” I’m probably going to want to take drawers out of large furniture anyways.
There was a pariplegic dude who I frequently helped out, including helping to empty catheters in the men’s room, which I didn’t mind doing. But when I showed up to help he and his wife move, and the shit was all over the place, including the old shit still in the drawers bit, it was all I could do to keep from bolting. Gah - I hate that!
I have no problems at all helping people move. But, as others have said, I have a big problem showing up and not seeing everything in boxes.
The last time I moved it was from a 3 bedroom house. I packed up, disconnected and made ready to go absolutely everything I possibly could. I got the truck the night before the move and put as many boxes in there as I could. I loaded up my pickup with as much stuff as I could as well. When my “moving crew” showed up at 9:00 the next morning, it took us less then 4 hours to pack up the rest of the stuff, drive to the new house, unload it and basically setup everything (beds, washer, dryer, etc.). My wife had hamburgers/hot dogs/chicken on the grill and ready to go as the last of the stuff was coming off the truck. Beer and other drinks were obviously available throughout the move.
The last two times I’ve helped people move it was disastrous. I have no idea why people can’t have much more ready to go when the help arrives.
In one instance, I showed up and it looked like almost nothing was packed. Worse, he didn’t want to rent a truck and was counting on all his friends with pickups to transport the stuff. After 6 hours of moving I thought we were just about done. Unfortunately, he then opened a door to something I thought was a closet but was in fact AN ENTIRE OTHER HALF TO THE APARTMENT. Once again, nothing was packed and it had at least as much stuff as the first half. I left.
In another case, I showed up at 8:00 am and once again it looked like almost nothing was packed. Okay… it is going to be a long day. He’s rented the largest truck available, fortunately. We get pretty much through the house (5:00 ish) when I find out there is a storage shed out back filled with stuff. Okay… we can clean that out next trip (each trip is 1/2 hour drive there, then 1/2 hour drive back). Then I find out we need to go to his in-laws apartment and move all the stuff there. By this time it is nearly 8:00 at night. I’m exhausted. The apartment has not one single box packed. I helped move the really big furniture and then left.
Coupla thoughts -
I’m 45, always been in reasonably decent shape (lifted and stretched regularly, ran a marathon 2 years ago.)
Hadn’t moved anyone for a while until 3 years ago when one of my best buddies got divorced.
That is the last move I help out on. I am now firmly convinced that moving people with full households is a young person’s game. No injuries, but MAN did it kick my ass. And not in a “good workout” kinda way. Lifting extremely heavy awkwardly shaped objects, maneuvering them on and off a truck and up and down stairs.
Add in the possibility of damage - if you have nice furniture, all it takes is for your beer-fueled buddies to bounce one piece down the steps to make professional insured movers look damned reasonable by comparison.
For me, firmly in the category of things I work so I can pay other people to do.
Regarding the “unpacked” version, year or 2 ago we were to help my ditzy MIL move her small and fragile stuff. Our family and my wife’s sister’s showed up - a total of 8 or so folks with 4 cars and vans, and, you got it, not a thing was packed. Somehow or another she had the idea that she was going to pack a box and hand it to one person, then pack another and hand it to the next. For my first load I had my kids take all the pictures off the walls.
Rule number x of having your friends/family help you move: Don’t waste their time!
I’m with SkipMagic on this one. As long as I’m able, I’ll help friends move. If I reach the point where I can’t carry, then I change to unpacking, or cleaning, or any of the other tasks that usually need to be done. Heck, I’m doing it tomorrow.
Now, if my SO’s brother asks again, I may be washing my hair. The last time, he actually bragged about how much money he was saving by having family move him. His employer paid for the move, but he spent the money on a bigger house. That, and feeding us by stopping at the local hardware stores grand opening, for 25¢ hot dogs and soda, was rather tacky.
The issue isn’t whether it’s ok to help friends move–it’s always ok to be kind–the issue is whether it’s ok to ASK friends to help you move, and I really think once everyone has a decent job, that’s not ok anymore. I mean, if you really don’t have the money, that’s fine, but if you are moving into your dream house, pay for movers. It shames people to have to admit they aren’t up to it, and you shouldn’t shame your friends to save money unless it’s a dire emergency.
And it really isn’t just that people get older, it’s that they get more stuff. Moving a one-bedroom college apartment is not a big deal. It’s when you start talking about moving four sets of mattresses down stairs and up into a truck and into a new house and back up stairs, and about moving heavy dressers that it actually matters if you drop, and and garages, which are ful of heavy, awkward, sharp things. That shit ends up taking all day long, even if everything is packed.