Noobs, nubs, niblets and noobies are all welcome in the BBQ pit. 
Um, you don’t happen to have a spatula on you perhaps? The tissue is stuck to my arm like wallpaper now.
Sigh. Here’s a wet-wipe and a spatula.
Wait… stuck to your arm?
Heretic! Tar and feather him!
A big welcome to HolyFreakingMoly. Enjoy your stay!
Welcome HolyFreakingMoly! You don’t sound like a noob to me at all, a newb perhaps, but definitely not a noob. The difference being that while both lack experience, a newb is willing to fit in with their surroundings, where-as a noob acts like everyone should adapt to them.
In any case, your enthusiasm, respect, and charm already shine through with your first few posts. In some ways, you remind me of myself when I first joined, if I do say so myself. With that said, a word of advice from personal experience. For those of us who are lazy readers, you can skip to the last paragraph without missing all that much
- Keep real life and the dope separated, at least in the beginning, if not always. If you do post personal life information on the dope, be prepared to be adult about it. People here are kind, just, funny and generally-nice people, but we don’t suffer fools lightly, nor do dopers shy away from harsh truth. There are also some general pricks around too. Note that the number one rule here is “don’t be a jerk,” not, “be a swell dude.”
On a related topic, if you choose to post advice for people in threads about their personal affairs, always understand that you are only seeing one side of things. Everyone has an angle, and disputes between fellow dopers concerning meatspace quarrels are not allowed.
- Also, don’t take things here too seriously. While I would disagree with the pithy statement, “it’s just a forum,” neither is this place the be-all end-all. One of the things that distinguishes posters here is where they fall on this spectrum.
3)Know who you are. This sounds really obvious, but allow me to explain. If you are the right type of personality, which it seems you are, it’s very easy to get sucked in here. Combine that with the nature of the internet, and you have a place that often brings out the best and worst in people, oftentimes a mixture of both. This place can remove the fear that limits people from expressing their hidden talents, but it can also remove that very same fear which prevents people from being total assholes. Interacting in this maelstrom of unique characters, finding your way in this chaotic march against ignorance, well, it may very well bring out the worst, best, and otherwise hidden qualities in you too. Keep your wits about you. I guess what I’m trying to say is, make sure you are in control of your presence here on the boards, not the other way around.
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Know why you are here. Everyone has different reasons for coming to the boards. These reasons range from mundane kitty-photo posts, to threads about religion, oft full of sound and fury, to others who come here to grow as people, not to mention the flip side of that coin, which would be to cover-up and hide character flaws. Sometimes people do the above things without realizing it, but how you post and act will naturally reflect the goals you have when coming here, and it’s something you should be aware of.
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Limit your time spent on the dope. It’s very easy to come here to post a simple reply, get involved in a discussion, and before you know it it’s five hours later and you’re gibbering away like a retarded chimp with rabies whose diet consists of pixie stix and angst, your keyboard covered in bacon salt and tears, your brain consisting of a foul amalgamation of internet memes, yak jizz, and alphabet soup, the letters spelling out a treatise on how people are wrong on the internet, and for that matter everywhere else too.
… OK, while that might be just a tad over the top, the point remains that it’s all too easy to procrastinate here with a zeal and addictiveness only found elsewhere in things so vicetastic that Bangkok has to issue a permit for them.
6)This probably doesn’t apply to you, but since I’m giving advice I might as well include it, as I certainly could have done a better job with this one, among other things. If you are going to engage in TMI, be smart about it. Follow the rules, give proper warning, and don’t seek to shock or gross-out people unless it’s specifically called for. Failure to do this will result in you being seen as a petulant, immature child-man, and rightfully so.
- Never get involved in a land war in Asia, and never go in against a Sicilian when death is on the line. Seriously though, remember that, contrary to popular belief, dopers are people too, with all the same monkeysphere shenanigans that goes with it. Being a doper makes you no inherently better than anyone else. While we’re certainly a cut above some other recesses of the interwebs, without humility and an understanding of this board’s base level of humanity, you’re doomed to get in trouble somewhere down the line.
In summary I’d say that if you really want to enjoy your time here, “don’t be a jerk” is just the tip of the iceberg. Carry yourself here like you would anywhere else, with respect, honesty, and a generous amount of good-natured humor. Engage in discussion while respecting those who disagree, learn new things with an air of humility and openness, and push the limits of your self-knowledge without dismissing what you have already learned from the vagaries of life. Make fun of everything, yet belittle no-one. Always know where your towel is, and whatever you do, don’t panic! Hold your head up high and put on your big-boy pants, because it’s one hell of a ride. Fill your posts with laughter, learning, and love, and do so with all the chutzpah you got. Do these things, and you will rapidly become an accepted and cherished poster. Welcome aboard.
And never mention the ladle.
applauds Very well written summation. Seems almost worth putting at the top of the top page or something since everyone ignores stickies.
Ok, you lost me here. Limit your what now?
This is not good. Initiation rites without benefit of chocolate are not Room 32B but 32D. However dark chocolate folks go to Room 32DD. Dark chocolate is always part of a sensible diet. You need to quit listening to Oprah.
Damn, scooped again!
Except to Cluricaun, who seems to be in dire need of one.
Permits? We don’ need no stinkin’ permits!
Or to put it another way–be aware that if you admit that you have had intimate relations with a kitchen utensil, a sheep, or the ass-end of a golden retriever, people around here will remember it for a long, long, loooonnnnng time.
Even if you didn’t actually have sex with the sheep.