So finally I get around to watching Alien, thanks to Netflix. Five stars! Super-duper sci-fi thriller! Must-see movie! And so…
By the time the baby alien explodes into bloody view, I’m so bored I turn it off. Yawn. Tedious, dumb waste of time. I waited through almost half an hour of character development slowly developing characters I didn’t give a shit for, for this? I sat there muttering, “Why are you doing that, you stupid git?” again and again, for this? For a slick little colon with teeth?
I mean, come on! Dumb move after dumb move to get the monster on board: Why the entire crew down to an unknown planet’s deadly surface? Why stick a hand into the egg pod when it shows signs of life, when all indications are something dreadful happened? Why break quarantine to bring aboard a freaking lifeform that’s attacked one crew member already? Why… And on and on and on. “Oh, good grief! :rolleyes:” is not a reaction conducive to the willing suspension of disbelief.
Not to mention, the explorers are wearing bubble helmets. They’re in a toxic stew of unbreathable atmosphere, so they’re sealed tight against it. Monster version 1.0 gloms itself onto the outside of the head bubble. So how did it make it from there inside the helmet onto victim number one’s face?
And then there’s – aw, screw it. Suffice it to say, this movie sure as hell didn’t move me. I haven’t been so disappointed by a sci-fi movie since I stumbled out of Close Encounters ranting about all the stupid stuff in that one. I love a good sci-fi film, don’t get me wrong, but all the groovy special effects in the world won’t make me overlook nonsense.
So! Now that I’ve got that rant off my chest, let me ask you: What uber-hyped movies did you see that disappointed you so thoroughly?