Y’know, the more I think about this situation, the more I think the teacher/director is acting incredible innapropriately. It’s one thing to delay a group of adults at a practice that occasionally runs late; it’s quite another to have a group of kids who are dependent upon other people for rides and such. If there’s 20 kids in the play, that’s 20 parents who all show up to pick their kids up at 9:30 only to be told to come back at 11 pm. What if they live 20 minutes away from school? Another 40 minute round trip to pick their kids up? Or do they sit on their butts and wait? It’s not like at 9:30 at night they can go run errands or go to the library or something.
If there’s a tendency to run late in the final few practices, why not schedule longer practices for those few nights? At the very least, if practice looks like it’s going to run late, the director should pause the practice 30-40 minutes before it was scheduled to be over and have each kid call their parents to ask permission to stay longer and arrange for a later ride home. Face it, kids, even 16-18 year olds, often have to be told or forced to do the right thing - an adult in this situation would know enough to call their ride and let them know to come later. A kid? Hell, I’m lucky if my niece remembers to take her homework to school with her on the nights she spends at my house.
I’m also firmly behind RealityChuck…I think justwannano doesn’t really want to know that, yes, he was an asshole jerk to go off on a teacher like that in front of other students.
You could have asked to speak to the teacher alone and made your point clear.
So go ahead, Rambo…do whatever you want, but don’t come here pretending to look for an opinion when you obviously have long since decided you were right and the rest of the world is wrong.
My rehearsals in high school would usually run to 11pm or later during the last week or two, when we were trying to get tech in shape. Figuring out lights and costumes and sound is not at all an easy task. In the professional theater, exceptions are made to regular union rules to allow this final crunch to take place; they’re called “ten of twelves” and require actors to be available twelve solid days six days a week for up to two weeks with breaks only for meals. High school theater is nowhere near as technically demanding (in most locations), but organizing hormonally addled teenagers has its own set of challenges.
And through all of this, my parents gave me no grief about it. I got all my homework done and graduated in the top ten of my several-hundred-person class. In many ways, they appreciated my activities; I was socializing with people my own age, and they knew where I was.
If as you say in the latest post that there’s a personality issue with the instructor, that’s a very different problem. But your behavior in the story in the OP is totally unreasonable, in my opinion.
Speaking as a 16 year old theatre geek, I echo the thought 9:30 isn’t unusual for regular rehearsal and 11:00 isn’t unfathomable for dress rehearsals. However, I do believe it was very inconsiderate of the director to change the set schedule and only tell the parents when they have arrived. A good director should also realize that long rehearsals in the beginning can only harm in the long run.
But since I do spend a lot of time in the theatre I have learned in time how to maximize my time while I’m at rehearsal. I do my homework while I am waiting for a scene I am in. I rest as much as I can, I don’t run around during the down time so I won’t tire myself out while I’m on a prolonged schedule. If your daughter continues theatre, she too will learn and adapt to the busy life that is theatre.
I know this reinforces your little point about age, but I think it is fine if I stay out late due to theatre duties. (Like Cervaise did, I too go days without seeing my parents, it’s only increased since I’ve got a car. My parents go to bed early and wake up late.) I, however, do realize the consequences of doing so, one of the bigger ones being bad show nights, and therefore work both with my schedule and priorities and the director to limit my “out late” time. It’s all about personal responsibility in my eyes.
Oh, and we still make fun of parents who say “play practice”
Mmm…high school. I think I see more of my parents now that I’ma senior in college than I did for most of high school. And I’m currently living three states away. (But I call home every night now)
In high school not only did I do theatre, but chior, yearbook, Model UN, newspaper, took a full load of classes at the local college, worked part time, and partied most Friday and Saturday nights. I don’t think I slept, and I clearly recall not eating more than once a day and living on Coca-Cola.
No, its not healthy. But I was learning the joys of time management and where my limits lie. These were the days
that I discovered myself to be a capable, flexable, strong person. I ran myself ragged, but it was by my choice and I did have control over it. I did drop some activities when they asked too much of me. (Like NHS, which asked me to give up my college classes because they interfered with my ability to come to meetings.)
Lots of people have given descriptions of when theatre can run over. It does that. There is a chance that the teacher is a holy terror (mine was! a genius, but a terror) but if your daughter didn’t want to be involved she could quit. If you have problems driving her, see if she can catch a ride with someone else. (In my high school, very few parents were ever required to pick people up. The kids with cars drove the kids without. Share and share alike, no one lacks a ride. Part of being in the activity was being responcible for each other, etc, etc…) She’s 15, consider letting her stand up for her self and her own choices. She’ll have to do it eventually, and right now you’re still around to back her up when she comes to you needing help.
Thanks for the comments folks.
As a parent we are required to set limits. Thats my job.
At age 15 in this house,its generally in bed by 10:00.Weekends its later.
Thats the way it was for me and my wife when we were that age.
Of course Sarah thinks she should be allowed to stay out later. She wants no limits at all.
Every kid wants to do as she pleases. Thats just part of growing up.And if we as parents
don’t let them its “Why don’t you trust me?”
When a high school kid has average grades they can change for the worse quickly. A forgotten assignment,
a concept not understood or maybe even a paper hungry dog.They really need to be reminded to refocus
when their school work begins to suffer.
If there is no structure,rules ,how does someone know when that happens?
How do you refocus when there is no solid base to start from?
Tonight my wife is going to pick up Sarah from "play "practice.She will be at the school at 9:30.
There has not been official notification that practice will be late.There were people waiting for their kids at 9:40 last night
when I left the school.I don’t know when practice ended.
If she’s working on a show, realistically, 9:30 is early. That means the other students whose parents do allow them to stay will do more work and get more attention or bigger roles. This is very competitive; the last thing an aspiring performer needs is a somnolent parent complaining about bed time like she was 9 and creating a humiliating spectacle in front of all her fellow performers at an already tense rehearsal. The closer to opening night, the later she’ll probably have to work.
I’m 51. I have one who’s now in college, two who are still in high school, and I myself was Mr. Dramatics Guy when I was in high school.
9:30 is NOT late for a high school activity. Even 10:00 isn’t particularly late.
Drama rehearsals run longer and longer as the opening gets closer. I have seen dress rehearsals go until 1:00 a.m. The same holds true for orchestra and band rehearsals, putting out the school paper or yearbook and sports practices. I have first-hand knowledge. That’s part of “the deal” that goes with extra curricular activities.
It’s entirely possible that your daughter forgot to tell you that rehearsal would run late.
It’s also entirely possible that the kids were screwing around and the director got fed up and said “we’re not leaving until we get this done!”
As a general rule, it’s never a good idea to get angry with one of your child’s teachers, it’s an even worse idea to do it in front of your child, and it’s especially bad to do it in front of your child’s classmates.
If your child’s schedule is wearing her out, it’s your job to tell her she will have to cut back on future activities. If her schedule is wearing YOU out, you’ll have to make it clear that you can’t chauffeur her at all hours and she needs to arrange a way home if she wants to participate.
Good lord! First, back the hell off … if someone hasn’t participated in drama class, musicals, etc. they aren’t required to know the “lingo” … whether he calls it practice or rehersals, the point is that he’s a concerned father! My father couldn’t tell you the name of any of my productions … but by God, he was there every opening night! Also, he wasn’t upset because she was 5 minutes late! He was upset because a rehersal was going until 11:00 on a school night … and was basically being told to go home and then drive back and pick her up an hour and a half later!
I was in my high school drama productions every year until I graduated. The last two years I was the female lead and yes, we did stay late on occasion … especially when you’re getting down to the wire.
One of the many problems in this situation is that a 15 year old does not have a ride home! If justwannano lives in a rural area as I did (and as my step-daughters do), it takes a lot of planning and scheduling to get everyone to the right place at the right time! Firing back a response like “tell her to get a ride” isn’t appropriate either because he would be waiting at home WORRIED if she wasn’t there by a certain time!
And I’m sorry, but there are times when as a parent you simply have to stand up to teachers. Yes, they deserve respect … and I have tried to be polite with every one I’ve dealt with … even when THEY act like a royal bitch from hell and don’t give that same courteousy to ME. Teachers seem to forget that this isn’t the 50’s … most homes are two-income households and BOTH parents have to be up for work early the next morning. This makes it a little difficult for us to run one child 30 minutes into town to go to the library, one child back and forth to drama rehersal, and one back and forth child to volleyball practice. I’m sorry … I’m not rich enough to have a chauffeur … and until they’re old enough to drive, we all have to work around each other’s schedules!
For the record, my twin step-daughters just finished a production of “Arsenic and Old Lace” … and while they had to pull a few early, early morning rehersals because the gym was in use that evening, their evening rehersals ALWAYS finished by 8 p.m. Was their director/drama coach a little more organized? Maybe. Did they do more weekend/Saturday rehersals? Maybe.
Bottom line … if I would’ve pulled up at the school at 9:30 and been told to come back at 11:00 on a school night … I would’ve been pissed off too!
kunilou
Thanks for the reply.
There seems to be a misconception as to my state of mind .
Thanks for the list it makes it easier to reply.
(1) In my opinion 10:00 is late for a highschool activity.
With sports activities sometimes lasting til 9:00 or 9:30 the trip home
sometimes taking an hour or more It brings the kids home sometimes after 11:00.
(2)Sports(u) practices(u)don’t last till 11.00. Coaches know the value of sleep.
(3)Yeah it could be possible but several other parents were also waiting.
(4)Maybe so.
that might be why my daughter told me not to say anything because (u)she(u) was mad.
It may also shed some light on a teacher that doesn’t have control of the situation and maybe more importantly herself.
(5) Generally speaking you’re right.
If you’ll read my first post you’ll notice the exclamation point(!) after her second GO. An exclamation point generally
is used to show strong emotion.She was the one that raised her voice.She was the one that was excited.She was the one that was mad.
Its even worse for a teacher to become angry in front of her class.
Sarah’s schedule isn’t wearing me out. I was up before her to take her to practice at 6:15 am
She is just a freshman so she has no idea her limits.Of all her activities this play,musical or whatever seems to be the least important.
When Sarah came out to the car to tell me she would be late she did so arm in arm with a boy. There were also 2 boys and a girl that left the school and were sitting in a pickup truck parked by the school.
This, in retrospect, leads me to believe she had lost control of the students.
Honestly … and truthfully … this can happen even with the best of teachers/directors. When I was in drama productions (15 years ago … sheesh … I’m getting old! LOL), there were strict rules … no leaving the building, no leaving the auditorium unless you were going to the bathroom, no horseplay … you know the kind of rules I mean. However, teens will be teens … and we found a way to sneak off … and the library was awfully convenient …
Oddly enough, I ended up meeting and marrying a man nearly ten years my senior who graduated from the same rural high school that I did … and he was also the “star” of the drama productions. We both have many fond memories of those “glory days” … and, would you believe, he has his share of “library stories” to share. haha
All that aside, it does sound as if she’d lost control of the group.
I played sports and particpated in drama at my high school as well. I’m 20 now, and, well, to be honest, sports and drama run on different wavelengths. It’s okay to assume that a sports practice will end by 9:30 because most of the time they start earlier than the play rehearsals. Most of my play rehearsals started at either 5 or 6pm because the teachers had classes and meetings and work to be done before they had to conduct rehearsals… and play rehearsals were 4 hours long at the very minimum at my school, until we got into tech/dress rehearsal week. Then they would run from 4pm until midnight most nights. My mother was pissed the first two times she was made to wait because I was the first kid to participate in drama and she wasn’t familiar with the lack of definite time in the drama department. Your daughter’s just going to have a lot on her plate with a play rehearsal schedule, and, whether you like it or not, if she wants to continue and get better parts in the future, she’s got to play with the politics of the drama department to her advantage. That means staying late when needed and also possibly doing other activities related to the drama department when offered on a volunteer basis. It’s not an easy thing to do, and I was always more wiped out by a full day during tech week than I ever was doing an all-day volleyball tournament where I was a starting player.
Its Bye Bye Birdie
It is a requirement for chorus.
A 1 credit class.
According to Sarah the kids don’t want to do it.
Neither does the teacher.
I guess the teacher opened up today and explained that she is under contract to do it.She would rather do something different.
Perhaps something good will come of this.
greyseal, can I assume that your rehearsals started at 3 PM? I know that at my high school, most rehearsals started between 6 and 7. They did this because they knew that many of the kids in drama did sports as well, and sports always had practice at 3, ans usually until 5. And then making reahearsal at 5 makes a bunch of tired, hungry, and sweaty kids rehears a play. By starting at 7, you allow them to go home, get some food, maybe shower, and possibly even get a homework assignment done. Don’t assume that the rehearsals are going 6+ hours, when they might very well be going 3+ hours.
