Hilarious things your dad has said

I just have to post this, because it makes me smile.

My dad (nine to the sky) and i were listening to (his) music in the garden yesterday. Whilst playing Supertramp he came out with “this song really helps you get down into the groove”.

How brilliant!!!Dad, it was so uncool that it was very cool.

I’ll never forget that :slight_smile:

Which song was it? (my guess: School, cause I know it helps me get down into the groove :D)

My dad says a lot of stuff like that but in Korean, and too much is lost in translation.

My dad tells the same crappy joke, all the time.

“I’d like a Waldorf salad.”

  • “Sorry, we’re fresh out of Waldorfs.”

Except he messes up the joke. Every time. And he’s got this habit of whistling when he’s messed up, before correcting himself, and whenever he gets to a punchline, he sucks air in through his teeth. So when he tells it, the joke goes thus:

“I’d like a Waldorf salad.”

  • “Sorry, we’re fresh out of walnuts [whistle] Waldorfs [ssssip].”

It’s eccentric, but endearing, and he gets away with it because he is the archetypal nutty professor.

I think the OP thread title/username combo would qualify, if anyone’s Dad had ever said it. :smiley:

My dad, wearing a bizarre striped ski cap that made him look like a gnome on drugs: “I’ve already procreated. Twice. I can wear whatever the hell I want.”

On the subject of why one should have children: “People like us have to lay down supressing fire against the hoi polloi!”

On the subject of angst: “It’s an inevitable consequence of intelligence, dear.”

Every time we talk on the phone, my dad says " 'ello Mrs. Cut-out!" Can anyone identify where that comes from? (I know…just want to know if YOU know.)

He’s been saying “That’s what SHE said.” forevah. He’s also a big fan of The Office.

My mom and dad had this tradition where every Mother’s Day he’d go “Hey! Happy Muddah’s Day!” and my mom would go “Hey! I’m not your muddah!”

Actually it was Child of Vision - which does have quite a good groove (says he defensively).

My dad is a fan of Monty Python as well.

He says so many funny things, but I think his “Hello Mrs. Lubner” is my favorite. I love jerdadgman.

One day when I was 14, Dad got home and his key wasn’t working. I opened the door for him and he said “get me the toolbox, willya? I’ve been saying I needed to change that lock for ages, guess I finally have to…”

“Nope. Here’s” “What do you mean, ‘nope’? What kind of manners are those?”

“If I. May. Finish. Here’s your new key. I changed the lock.”


“Dad, you’re an accountant. I figured, any toolwork simple enough for an accountant is simple enough for a girl.”

He never quite got over the fact that the handy"man" among his children happened to be the female one…

My dad and I don’t talk about this much, but he and his wife have an open marriage. When I was contemplating dating a fella and we were talking about keeping our relationship open, I had a few dialogs via email with my stepmom about my thoughts and getting her input, and she must have, at some point, mentioned it to Dad.

I wish I had the copy of the email he sent me, but it’s been lost in the mists of time. I do remember it was very short, moderately supportive, and carried this nugget of wisdom:

“I estimate that the ideal number of people in any relationship is 0.60. After that, things get progressively more complicated.”

My dad’s got a degree in mathematics, can you tell? :smiley:

Hysterical and so true.

Somebody set us up the groove? :stuck_out_tongue:

Back when we were taking foster/adopt classes from Children’s Protective Services, we were told one night that one rule the agency has is: no trampolines. None whatsoever. I’m only guessing, but I reckon they’re concerned that, if you have a trampoline, you can blame any “mysterious injuries” the kid gets on trampoline mishaps, when in fact you’re beating the kid.

Anyway, I mentioned the prohibition against trampolines to my dad. His response, “How do they feel about pogo sticks?”

Always a card, my dad.

No to hijack but that is one of the more riciulous things I’ve heard- what about pogo sticks indeed? Or bicycles? Or swingsets? Trampolines are the only thing a kid can get hurt on :rolleyes:

His advice recently, while discussing a presentation I was going to be making to a group of managers - “Try to avoid using the term ‘sh*t-for-brains’”. My response? “I did have that in my presentation, but ppt suggested ‘upper-level management’ as a correction”.

(Oh - and my dad was in upper-level management before he retired)


Dad said many, many funny things.

When he’d eaten something prepared by Mom that was particularly delicious, he’d say “That tastes like more!”

When he wanted to turn on an appliance, tv, or other: “Fire it up!”

When he wanted us to hurry up and get into the car, get moving, etc.: “Let’s go, let’s get to motatin’!”

If he started to burp a bit in a restaurant, he’d pull his shirt pocket open, look into it and say “You in there…Be quiet!”

We were testing his memory (he had ALZ) a few years ago and asked him who the U.S. president was. His reply: “Doodle ding dong Republican.”

We miss the old man.

“Donuts have killed more people than bullets.”

vivalostwages, that’s a bittersweet post to follow…

Anyhow, I was in my early twenties talking to my dad, and I made the comment that someone (I forget who) was “getting a little action on the side.” This remark was meant in the context of earning extra money.

My dad pondered it for a moment and said, “I didn’t know he had a colostomy.”

What does “nine to the sky” mean? I’ve googled and Urban Dictionaried it, no luck. I’m assuming it’s a UK phrase…