Hire your EVIL starship crew!

We’ve done things like this in this past, and they’ve been a lot of fun—and while I was considering a revival, it struck me to do a twist…hire your EVIL Starship crew!

For this thread, you’re the chief of staffing/potentate for your basic Interstellar Empire™, and the Starship in question is, let’s say, along the lines of your Dreadnought class—I’m a fan of the classics—with reasonable modifications or additions to your personal taste.

Your task is to pick the officers and crew to man this pride of your grand fleet, to explore and exploit strange new worlds, enforce Imperial Will, crush it’s enemies, drive them before it, take from them all they possess and hear the lamentation of all who loved them, etc. etc.

Now, I’ll leave it up to your discretion whether you want a crew of cool professionals, doing their work for a paradise in which they know they will never have any place; or a collection of vicious, unstable, psychopaths, only miraculously able to function as a crew in their constant jockeying and backstabbing in personal quests for domination and personal power; or, a motley, boisterous band of glorified space vikings, doing your work for adventure, plunder, and supplies and munitions that they don’t have to pay for.

Heck, pick more than one crew—'plenty of ships in the fleet. But no Death Stars.

And, of course, this being an “Evil™” Imperial Star Ship, there’s room for openings beyond the regular bog-standard Starship officer positions—Chief Engineer, Helmsman, Science Officer, etc.—so by all means, feel free to add appropriate positions to your needs. Such as Commissar, Information Removal Officer, or Captain’s Leman (this is a modern, equal-opportunity fleet, after all).

Your applicant pool is any character from a space opera (TV, movie, etc).

So…who would YOU want? Let us know—and let slip the Dogs of War!

Captain Kirk with a goatee.

Mr Spock with a goatee.

Mr Sulu with a goatee.

Mr Checkov with a goatee.

Lieutenant Uhuru with a – big cleavage.

Dr McCoy with — well, you get the picture.

The unnamed Romulan commander from *Balance of Terror *- he almost beat Kirk. And that’s *Season 1 *Kirk.

Well, yeah, he was Spock’s father, of course he was good. He lost on purpose. In my mind he was a deep cover agent for the Vulcan government. They were pacifists, not patsies.

I’m working on the principle that the greatest harm can be done by capable well-intentioned people who believe they are doing the right thing. This crew is supremely competent, with self-righteousness in spades and self-awareness in microscopic portions.

Captain: Janeway from StarTrek Voyager
Helm: Honor Harrington from the David Weber book series
2IC and staff officer: Obi Wan Kenobe from Star Wars (either set of movies)
Tactical officer: Ender Wiggen, locked in the tac centre and thinking the whole thing is a series of simulations
Science Officer: Lady Alexandria Von Fogg from PS238
Chief Engineer: Martin Crane, from Skylark
Medical Officer: Dr Stephen Franklin from Babylon Five
Security and away teams: Kris Longknife (from the Martin Shepherd books)

And giving them instructions from the Admiralty, making them convinced that they are crusaders fighting for justice: An evil version of Miles Vorkosigan (from the Vorkosigan saga)

Let’s see - Ship’s Counselor would have to be Bester from B5

Servalan for Captain.

Captain: Wilhuff Tarkin - He’s got ship command experience. And I figure he was able to keep Darth Vader in line so he can supervise “difficult” people.

First Officer: Evil Universe Spock - He’s as competent as Regular Universe Spock with a goatee bonus.

Engineer: Klaus Wulfenbach - Brilliant engineer who’ll keep the ship running in creative ways.

Science Officers: Lex Luthor and Victor von Doom - I figure these two are too meglomaniac and either of them would normally be plotting to take over the ship. So I’m assigning them to the same job so they compete against each other and don’t interfere with the rest of the crew.

Security Officer: Laurence Dominic - He was able to both defend the Dollhouse and subvert it without Adelle DeWitt knowing. That shows competence.

Going slightly off-model:

Ship’s Surgeon/Doctor - Herbert West, re-animator. You’ll never have to hear, “He’s dead, Jim,” ever again.

Ship’s Councilor–Darth Vader.
He’s a People Person, who really knows how to motivate people.
Ships Doctor-- Scalpel, of the Cobra Organization. [del]An Angel of Mercy[/del] Nope, neither one.

FILECARD

A mix of Romulans and mirror-universe Vulcans, with a Marine contingent of rogue Borgs.

For the misguided “good guys” who are actually hella evil, Kimball Kinnison and the Lensmen. They think they’re noble and moral and right-justified, but they’re really just effin’ space fascists.

For the deliberate, intentional, methodical evil, Howard Alan Treesong and his confreres from Jack Vance’s “Demon Prince” novels. They’ll have everyone in the galaxy in chains working at the bottom of the beryllium mines…except for the cutest ones, who go into harems.

For the “Wild and Crazy Guys” out there without a care in the world, DC Comics’ Lobo (the old version, by Feetal’s Gizz, not the namby-pamby revision) backed up by Granny Goodness and the Female Furies.

He was evil. He was just trying to get home.

I think you mean wasn’t evil. :wink:

TOS Romulans weren’t evil, just aggressive and militant (like, you know, Earth’s Romans, duh!). They only became evil and treacherous in TNG so they could replace the now dimwitted-but-somehow-admirable Klingons as the real bad guys, one reason why that series sucked so bad!

For my first ship (if I have time, I may do this again), I’m going to keep it simple and have the Master crew the entire thing, in all positions. Those of you who have seen the Doctor Who episode The End of Time know what I mean. There were billions of him, and they worked together very efficiently.

Now, I went to E.E. Smith too, but the Skylark series provides Blackie Duquesne. Of course he’d do his best to mutiny, or take over the crew by murdering me, but hey, he’s got brains, guts, and good looks.

Captain’s Leman - Deanna Troi. She brought cleavage and a skill only slightly more effective than someone doing a cold reading to TNG.

Now, who is going to be the Captain’s Evil Hot Chick?
Every Evil Star-ship has a Captain’s Evil Hot Chick

I nominate Princess Invidia, from the Star Blazers Comet Empire Season Two.

She plots against Earth, against her peoples’ Admiral, against her Father, against another villain (Dictator Desslok)…against everybody! And looks cool & sexy, sipping wine elegantly, while doing it.

Still working on my full list, but so far I’ve got:

Captain: Sador, from Battle Beyond The Stars: evil mutant who turns planets incandescent if they oppose him. Needs a constant supply of replacement limbs and organs, and screw-ups go to the top of the donor list. Not someone you want to piss off.

Chief Medical Officer: Colonel DeHaans, from Schlock Mercenary. Neuro-torturer, expert at reducing “patients” (victims) into “soulless, mostly-organic husks”.

For my ground assault marines/landing party, I’ll go with insane killer cyborgs:

Squad Commander: General Grevious (the badass Clone Wars version, not the loser in RotS)

Heavy Weapons Specialist: RoboCain

I’m thinking an entire crew of affable, evil Chris Christie clones.