Hire your starship crew!

Cafe Society
61

[QUOTE=control-z]
Captain: Picard
First Mate: Mal Reynolds
Pilot: Han Solo
Weapons Officer: Vader
Chief Engineer: Kaylee Frye
Science Officer: Spock
Morale Officer: Jessica Alba
Medical Officer: Beverly Crusher
Security: Macgyver
[/QUOTE]

Why does a ship tasked to protect shipping convoys from pirates need a science officer? As owner of the vessel, wouldn’t your standing instruction to the master be that, when sensors detect a mysterious temporal-spatial anomaly, to turn change course to avoid it if at all possible, and at most make a note in the log that you saw something weird and drop a navigational hazard buoy?

Any why is MacGuyver in SECURITY? I’m as big a fan of the man as anyone, but I want somebody in that job who can fight hand to hand–and that ain’t Angus.

And shouldn’t the morale officer have boobs? :wink:

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[QUOTE=Skald the Rhymer]
Why does a ship tasked to protect shipping convoys from pirates need a science officer? As owner of the vessel, wouldn’t your standing instruction to the master be that, when sensors detect a mysterious temporal-spatial anomaly, to turn change course to avoid it if at all possible, and at most make a note in the log that you saw something weird and drop a navigational hazard buoy?

Any why is MacGuyver in SECURITY? I’m as big a fan of the man as anyone, but I want somebody in that job who can fight hand to hand–and that ain’t Angus.

And shouldn’t the morale officer have boobs? :wink:
[/QUOTE]

Why NOT have a science officer? Maybe the pirates have some new high-tech weapons, maybe we need his help to get our bacon out of the fire.

If MacGuyver does his job properly then there won’t be any hand-to-hand fighting. But did I mention that Worf will be leading the security detail?

The morale officer does have boobs. And a great ass. :wink:

63

[QUOTE=control-z]
Why NOT have a science officer? Maybe the pirates have some new high-tech weapons, maybe we need his help to get our bacon out of the fire.

If MacGuyver does his job properly then there won’t be any hand-to-hand fighting.

[/quote]

Dude, MUST I quote Clausewitz to you again?

But did I mention that Worf will be leading the security detail?

I really can’t get behind hiring Jean-Luc to captain this sort of ship. Not that he couldn’t do it; but it’s not a good use of his skills, and he’d quit inside of a year.

I’m sorry. I was speaking of the Jessica Alba from THIS universe. I forgot that you hail from Counter-Earth.

64

[QUOTE=Skald the Rhymer]
Dude, MUST I quote Clausewitz to you again?

I really can’t get behind hiring Jean-Luc to captain this sort of ship. Not that he couldn’t do it; but it’s not a good use of his skills, and he’d quit inside of a year.

I’m sorry. I was speaking of the Jessica Alba from THIS universe. I forgot that you hail from Counter-Earth.
[/QUOTE]

I just got into this thread so I don’t think you quoted Clausewitz to me before…

Ok on Jean Luc, I didn’t study the mission, I just rubber-stamped out some crew assignments. :stuck_out_tongue:

And furthermore: http://hangedman.files.wordpress.com/2007/05/jessica-alba-bikini-2-ass-02-723148.jpg (PG-13 bikini shot.)

65

[QUOTE=control-z]

Why NOT have a science officer? Maybe the pirates have some new high-tech weapons, maybe we need his help to get our bacon out of the fire.

[/quote]

That’s what engineers are for. (And I strongly suspect that Spock has multiple degrees, including at least one in some sort of engineering.) But if your job description is “science officer” then you’re going to be thinking in terms of exploration and experimentation and expanding the bounds of sentient knowledge, and that’s not what this ship is for. That’s why I’d rather have Kaylee Frye than Geordi LaForge as my engineer; she’s not going to say “I’m bored. Let’s do some experiments on the warp core!”

And we don’t need Jessica “I need a cheeseburger” Alba along if we’ve got Kaylee. Just don’t. 'Sides, the crew’s likely to be largely female; no need for a morale officer.

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[QUOTE=Skald the Rhymer]
Why does a ship tasked to protect shipping convoys from pirates need a science officer? As owner of the vessel, wouldn’t your standing instruction to the master be that, when sensors detect a mysterious temporal-spatial anomaly, to turn change course to avoid it if at all possible, and at most make a note in the log that you saw something weird and drop a navigational hazard buoy?
[/QUOTE]

My personal rationale for including a science officer is as more of a contingency; in case, during routine operations in known space, or even operations in new territory, something bizarre happens to the escort ship or the shipping fleet that couldn’t be avoided, or happened too fast to be avoided.

Not to mention the standard Weyland-Yutani excuse: a scientific advance observer can scope out potentially lucrative resources or phenomena that the company might take advantage of, in later missions. (Which I probably won’t be sending the escort ship* on, itself, unless it’s for a rescue mission/bug hunt/grab the unobtanium and nuke them site from orbit type thing. I’d prefer to subcontract out the initial [del]sacrifice[/del] survey and [del]exploitation[/del] exploration mission.)

Naturally, this means the science department woudn’t be as busy or take as much precedence over the mission as a pure exploratory vessel (I’ll not have any wannabe Professor Carringtons—or Lakes—sending my ship into the pit for the vague benefit of mankind)—so some degree of cross-qualification in another function will be neccesary, so they won’t just spend most of their time sitting around looking pretty. But it will be handy, now and again, to have some trained eyes who can provide an on-the-scene analysis more advanced than “Skipper…! The sky, it just…turned all funny, and…gaaah! Dead! They’re all dead! We never had a chance!”

Obviously, while the Chief Engineer (or the weapons officer) will almost certainly be doing a lot of the solutions and countermeasures to unknown or hazardous situations, having a dedicated scientist around to advise and (when neccesary) direct their efforts will be very handy, and possibly be a vital time-saver.

*What are we going to name this ship, anyway? The “Raging Queen,” maybe?

67

[QUOTE=Ranchoth]

*What are we going to name this ship, anyway? The “Raging Queen,” maybe?
[/QUOTE]

I dunno what you’re naming your ship. Mine’ll be Dawn Treader or whatever Kim what’s to name her.

68

And that’s why I have Washu in engineering. A better Spock than Spock, but completely competent in designing and maintaining spaceships. (Well. I mean, creating something the size of a light freighter that could take out the front line forces of a galactic empire… got to qualify)

And, of course, why I have Diana in Tac Ops. I wanted a better Worf than Worf, and, when it comes down to it, she’s the best.

69

[QUOTE=mbh]
Weapons Officer: Telemachus Rade, from Andromeda. Han Solo and the lizard from The Last Starfighter as gunners.
[/QUOTE]

You’re welcome to offer Grig a position as your gunner. I’m drafting him as my helmsman, and Starfighter Alex Rogan as my gunner / weapons officer.

CO: CAPT Susan Ivanova, who got shortchanged out of a command position on Babylon 5.

XO: LCOL John Sheppard. If there is a season 5 or 6, figure on him making CO by then.

Security / boarding team: A detachment from Rico’s Roughnecks (I/3/G, 2nd plt.), from the novel or the animated series. Can’t argue with the classics.

Medical officer: Sado-sensei, Space Battleship Yamato. His Japanese perspective will represent the voice of balance on my ship. Especially to keep me balanced. Because of:

Morale officer / outsiders’ plant: Lyta Alexander, before she hooked up with Byron and his telepath renegades. At least I know her loyalties are divided. Plus, she’s a redhead AND a telepath.

70

I am gonna go out on a slight hi jack an say that I I know this woman through work that I would just LOVE to explore the universe with.

We were discussing the recent Mars polar explorer project in the coffee room, and one of the guys said “the reason Mars is so cold is that it’s so far away from Earth, because the sun circles the Earth!”

She looked at him and said “Its remarkable you can find your way to work, if your knowledge of the “local” neighbourhood is so limited!”
I love moments like that

FML

71

For those pesky alien infestation and other security problems I would hire trio: Ellen Ripley, River Tam and Richard Riddick. They could dispose xenomorphs bare handed. As a bonus, they are good in other trades, and also are competent pilots.

72

Y’know, thinking back, it occured to me that there was another sci-fi TV show from when I was a kid that might be of some interest, here, as a source of potential hires…a little show called “Space Cases.”

Now, I wasn’t a big fan at the time, and I don’t remember a lot about it myself…but one character, “Catalina,” who a little research confirms served as a “ship’s engineer, and quite a technical genius.”

Catalina was played by…Jewel Staite.

As long as she’s grown up, you’ve got Kaylee Lite™! (Or the Tupolev-built knockoff of Kaylee, if you prefer. :smiley: )

Anyhoo…I don’t think I’ve picked a weapons/tactical officer yet. Just for a change, I’m thinking of going with Deadeye Duck from the old Bucky O’Hare cartoon. A bit unstable, but he was always a gas. I think he also gave a ten year old boy a pistol* as a sign of appreciation in the pilot episode.

I’m pretty sure he’s going to end up needing to be pulled out of bar fights on shore leave, fairly often. If only before he actually kills somebody, or because he wouldn’t make bail before the scheduled liftoff if the local cops got him first.

I still need a chef, though. Does Leeta cook? Or how about one of those diner droids from Attack of the Clones?
*I just checked, he only thought it was a live weapon…because he stole, er, “confiscated” it from the kid in the first place.

73

Ok…
well for one thing ain’t gonna have no rank

Think of it as a anarchic free floating democracy

  1. Robert Heinlein (just to see the look on his face)
  2. Lazarus Long (he’s got a map of local space tucked away in his memory)
  3. John Varley (Ships navigator, just to make it hard on him
  4. HAL - Ship’s computer and chief officer in charge of playing chess… not actually hooked up to any ship systems
  5. Trillian (HHGTG)… jiggle factor mixed with galactic experience
  6. Asimov… well he deserves it
  7. me… chief cook and bottle washer
74

captain: stanley h. tweedle .we’ll pick up the rest when we blow up thier planets inadvertantly