So the vast majority of you married folks and people who believe that they probably will marry would split up and divorce if your partner had sex with someone else without telling you?
Is it the concealment? The breaking of the promise? (so why do y’all insist on that particular promise anyway, since it causes so much pain so often?) Or is it really “sex with someone who ain’t me, OK that’s it I’m outta here”?
::continuing to not understand marriage::
DISCLAIMER: this is my opinion and should not be taken as advice for any marriage in which I am not a participant.
I don’t know what I’d do if I was in this guy’s position. For me, I would be less upset if my husband did this sort of thing than I would be if he was in love with someone else. I think that maybe I’d be able to get past naked pictures on the internet (with another person involved). It would be extremely difficult and the thing I’d be most upset about would be the concealment. Obviously, if someone is doing something so against his/her character, something is wrong and I’d be upset that this is the way it was addressed.
I told my husband about this last night and he said what would upset him the most is that it was done in their house, in their bedroom, on their bed. He said that would be the hardest thing to get past…he thought that would be a personal attack on him showing real hatred, not just a stupid mistake. For that reason, he said he didn’t think he’d be able to stay if I did something like that.
consider this, the couple in the OP. Together 3 years, married for 2 = total 5. After 5 years, if my partner cheated on me, heck…that’s a MAJOR breach of trust. She’d be out on her ear! I know I probably would be extremely suspiscious of her for a LONG LONG time afterward if I had somehow managed to forgive her.
as for blaming the guy she cheated with…I’m with Poysyn. It takes two to tango!
For all we know, she was doing part-time sex work to make extra money and they broke up because he burnt the roast for the last time.
What I see here is a whole hell of a lot of jumping to conclusions. Instead of assuming you know what the hell is going on, assume you know nothing and act on that basis or just bloody well ask one of the parties what happened, and go from there.
I don’t know how many conclusions have been jumped to. Even if it was part time sex work, there are a lot of spouses who would not be ok with that. It’s still considered cheating for most couples.
How do you know it wasn’t something that they had agreed to? I know families where one partner does that sort of thing with the consent and support of the other.
The whole point is that nobody here knows what went on in the couple referred to by the OP, and that all this jibber is just that, jibber. Get the facts, then act. Acting without facts is irrational.
Like anything else - we only have one side of the story.
But I think it’s the concealment factor more than the actual sex. Gathering from the reaction of the friend, it doesn’t appear as if this is something he knew about, much less agreed to. I’m still trying to figure out why the pictures were even posted (I don’t remember reading if the site was a porn site, or just a personal site that had these pictures).
So we are uncertain as to whethe she was having an affair and this guy decided to record the event and post it to the world or if she was doing some part-time sex work. However, I think it makes sense for him and her to have a real heart-to-heart talk before deciding anything.
Like anything else - we only have one side of the story.
But I think it’s the concealment factor more than the actual sex. Gathering from the reaction of the friend, it doesn’t appear as if this is something he knew about, much less agreed to. I’m still trying to figure out why the pictures were even posted (I don’t remember reading if the site was a porn site, or just a personal site that had these pictures).
So we are uncertain as to whethe she was having an affair and this guy decided to record the event and post it to the world or if she was doing some part-time sex work. However, I think it makes sense for him (the husband) and her to have a real heart-to-heart talk before deciding anything.
an all around messed up situation …
Your friend has my sympathy … so to does his wife, although not as much. There are few people on this world that I would wish harm too, and each of those has brought it upon themselves.
It displeases me when someone is hurt (as I am sure the wife is, in many ways) but I do find some irony in that her acts were ultimately fucking her life up.
augh…
This is why I don’t liked closed relationships.