Hmm, good question, what DO you buy the mistress for Christmas

In My Humble Opinion
1

A buddy of mine e-mailed me this morning the oddest question ever.

Important Note: NO, said ‘buddy’ is not me, and yes I know that’s what they all say, but it’s true - 'tisn’t me, I have a great wife and am not cheating. Honest.

This guy - Joe, has been seeing another woman for just a little while now. He’s kind of a serial cheater, oddly enough outwardly has a good marriage. Tells me all the time, that he just can’t help himself, there’s no intimacy at home, blah blah. I do know his wife has had a rash of emotional issues, even before they married, so while I don’t endorse what he does, I’m also pretty much a live and let live kind of guy. I even think his wife knows he keeps himself otherwise occupied and sort of tolerates it so long as he’s not that open about it.

But I digress.

Joe wrote me this morning and asked me what he should get this woman for Christmas. I said gee pal, what makes you ask ME? He says, because you **MBG **are a smart incisive guy, wise to the ways of women.

He fills me in: said newest woman is a sharp looking, classy woman, but his problem seems to be what I think every man’s problem would be in buying something for a married woman - it’s go to be something ‘explainable’, or at least small enough not to be noticed.

(“gee Hon, that’s a nice new outfit, where’d you get that?”

“This? Oh my boyfriend bought it for me…”)

Complicating this is that the woman is much much more financially blessed than he is. He’s a software engineer with a family - she’s a stay at home mom, whose husband pulls down big pesos, and she more or less entertains herself on the inheritance she got from her parent’s estate. She’s told him “don’t buy me stuff, I can buy my own stuff”.

But he wants to do something nice for Christmas.

I know, my first response was to take her and the wife out for dinner as a nice gift. He accepted my brief attempt to moralize, and said no - really, what do I do?

I am not just speechless, but clueless.

So, I come here, to the most diverse, creative group of people I know: What’s Joe get the Babe?

Keeping in mind this is IMHO, let’s try to keep the ‘right -v wrong’ issues out of this, I’m as creeped out by him asking me as some of you are.

2

Tickets to a show?

3

A nice Christmas ornament? She could openly display it and most men wouldn’t notice such a thing. I know I wouldn’t. Or if I did I wouldn’t feel like I needed a particularly imaginative answer, other than “Oh, I picked it up at xxxx after last Christmas.”

4

A small box of chocolates. Easy to keep a secret–all she has to do is eat them–and the sort of thing that even a rich woman will appreciate.

5

That’s what I was thinking. It would have to be either an event or something that can be consumed, like a bottle of fine champagne, a day at a fancy spa etc.

And why am I helping this morally bankrupt reprobate? :smack:

6

I was thinking earrings–not neccessarily expensive ones, or ones with precious stones in them–for much the same reasoning.

Otherwise, I’d go for something non-permanent like the chocolate, on the basis that if/when the relationship doesn’t work out, she’s not stuck with the gift forever.

7

You do all realize of course, that later today, after going through the replies to this, that I’m going to make a short list of suggestions, and take ALL the credit, right?

8

Consumables are probably the way to go - chocolates, flowers, tickets to something, dinner, [del]edible underwear[/del]…

I believe the traditional present is lingerie or jewels, but traditionally, the mistress is unmarried and a, ahem, professional, and items like jewelry were part of the pension plan.

Veering into morality for a second, anything that takes away from his family (like making it difficult to pay the bills) is unacceptable, even if going into debt for the mistress is also a tradition.

I need to go wash my hands now. Ick.

9

A DVD of Love Actually.

10

That was my first response to him - don’t spend a lot of money on this, because (A) it’s money you ought to be spending on your family, and (2) you can easily personalize something that doesn’t cost a lot of money, and she’ll like it because it came from you.

11

Forgetting the mistress, it sounds like she would be tough to buy for anyway.
If she is a sharp dresser, then she is probably very particular about clothes.

I think he could get away with lingerie, as she probably has new stuff all the time and hubby doesn’t notice or will think she bought it herself.

12

He shouldn’t try to get showy, she can buy herself better jewelry/lingerie/champagne/theater tickets than he can.

If he wants to do something nice for her, then he should get her some small token that shows that he *listens * to her. A book on a subject she’s talked about. A cd by an artist she mentioned. Tickets to an exhibit she expressed interest in.

After all, she’s seeing him, one would assume, for the attention. So he should demonstrate that attention is being paid.

13

Yes, I’m coming in to Threadshit. Deal with it.

This guy is cheating on his wife with someone who is cheating on her husband. Whatever the reason is (the wife is emotionally unstable, the husband travels a lot) does not excuse their behavior. If their marriages are that unhealthy, they need to file for divorce.

This is not a healthy, coo-coo-what-would-you-like-for-Christmas relationship. These are two despicable people who are hurting the people they made a promise and a vow to. If there are children involved that adds to the problem.

As far as gifts go, I would recommend marriage counseling. With their spouses, not each other.

Yeesh.

14

I was going to Threadshit also.

What to get the mistress- a Bible. :smiley:

15

Ding ding ding. We have a winner.

Actually, that’s really good gift-giving advise for any person.

16

Also an excellent gift for throwers of stones.

17

I think you should take a different tack here. The mistress is pretty well off and has already expressed that she doesn’t want gifts bought for her. He ought to respect that for a couple reasons. First, his money could be better used, and more importantly, the women might not want to have things bought for her for emotional reasons. Perhaps she would feel that a gift would take the casual relationship to a level of intimacy she isn’t comfortable with.

I think he should just leave well enough alone, and at most get her some chocolates or take her to dinner. Anything durable isn’t going to get much use, I imagine that she wouldn’t wear any jewelry or clothes or display any decorations when she’s at home. Even if she feels no shame or guilt over it, she still probably wants to keep her two lives separate. That separateness and illicitness is probably a big part of the thrill.

If he insists on getting her something, get her a vibrator.

18

Which parts would you highlight - the David and Bathsheeba story, or the part about Abraham having Ismael with his servant? Or the part about Abraham lending Sarah to the Pharaoh? :stuck_out_tongue:

19

That says much better than I did what I was trying to get thorough. Something that says ‘this is from ME, to YOU, and not something generic I’d buy for just anyone’

:: Ducks from hurled shit and runs… ::

20

Matching perfumes for Her and his Wife.

Solves one problem, anyway.