A dinner also works as well. I’m big on this one.
If she’s rich and good looking, give her my phone number.
Well, duh. Everyone here knows the guy is a shit, the mistress is a shit, and they are both being shitheads to their respective spouses. That’s not in dispute anywhere in this thread. However, it’s an interesting hypothetical question.
Pity it’s not hypothetical and the gift giver and giftee are jackasses.
I don’t see the point in helping to forward a relationship that’s immoral, unethical, and just plain rude. This isn’t some hypothetical…these are real people involved, with the potential for a great deal of pain and grief.
A DVD of Fatal Attraction
Opinions on the morality of the situation are obvious and don’t feel that offering suggestions on an anonymous internet message board is, erm what?, bad. That said, I’d like to share my idea on what to give… something homemade. Cheesy perhaps, but it has many extra touches like time and effort involved, care invested and if it’s jewelry-esque, the ability to always wear it near and dear to your heart. Plus, much money doesn’t have to be spent, the receiver can always plead ‘craft token’ or something and if he isn’t able to rustle one up himself, he can always pass off the work of someone else. Just sayin’.
Personally, I don’t see the point of coming into a thread and bringing up issues that the OP specifically requested be avoided. The morality, or lack thereof, of the relationship is not the topic at hand. If that’s what you want to discuss, it’d make more sense to start a different thread.
Dinner or a show is difficult.
I’m going to make a few assumption. He’s a shit. She’s a shit. But their respective spouses are not innocent. For the sake of this discussion I will assume that this is an unethical “don’t ask, don’t tell” “open” relationship. They happen - I was once the spouse.
If that is the case, then what you don’t want is anything that pushes the relationship into the eyes of the world or risks creating additional pain/awkwardness for the spouses. Everyone involved knows what’s going on, but the spouses are choosing to not know. Therefore, anything that might create questions “I saw your wife out at Le Petite Cafe with some guy that wasn’t you” is right out. That just creates more pain from a situation that is likely painful.
Also, nothing too sentimental - i.e. a scarf is fine - and engraved locket right the hell out. And nothing too sexual - having her husband find the bra and panty set is once again, painful.
I like the idea of a book on a subject she is interested in or music she enjoys.
(I actually like the idea of Love, Actually - but that is just me being evil and judgemental).
And a bunch of anonymous posters dilly-dallying on a message board and coming up with ideas like “A DVD of Fatal Attraction” (Ha! Awesome suggestion!) is going to make the slightest ding in that?
The OP can go back and say: “I asked everyone on the SDMB and they unanimously think you’re a cad and need therapy.” Better?
Double Indemnity is more classic.
Walter Neff: You’ll be here too?
Phyllis: I guess so, I usually am.
Walter Neff: Same chair, same perfume, same anklet?
Phyllis: I wonder if I know what you mean.
Walter Neff: I wonder if you wonder.
A great ending, too. A real romantic tear-jerker.
He could pair it up with The Apartment for a Fred MacMurray/Billy Wilder/I.A.L. Diamond double feature. Or if you want some Robert Mitchum action (and indeed, what romantic evening is complete without some reference to ‘Old Rumple Eyes’) then he could throw in Out Of The Past. If she doesn’t mind subtitles, Clouzot’s Les diaboliques (the original, not the pointless Sharon Stone-starred remake) is good, or if she’s a Miles Davis fan Ascenseur pour l’échafaud is an excellent film just released last year on DVD by Criterion.
Stranger
OK, I was being a smart-ass (Same Time, Next Year would be appropriate and more romantic 
)
I like the ornament idea, preferably something like a Waterford or Christopher Radko. Her hubby either wouldn’t notice it mixed in with the others on the tree or else wouldn’t care about one more ornament. Plus, since it is seasonal, she would not be rubbing it in her hubby’s face the way earrings would (sorry, the morality police stepped in). She can bring the ornament out once a year, have a little extra twinkle in her eye and a knowing smile. Plus, if the relationship ends, when she throws it out it won’t be noticed.
The ornament is covert but implies that their relationship will last through to the next season. Consumables are transitory and could imply that their relationship is transitory as well.
Presumably she’s already swimming in dessous vaporeux, and she’s probably got bling up the wazoo (so to speak), so maybe a 92-inch HD TV? Mounted on the ceiling so she can fantasize about Anderson Cooper while your friend Joe the creep is downtown, sniffing her pooper. And with auto voice command, so she can still turn up the volume and change channels while yanking Joe’s dick with her hand.
I think the OP made the point that he wasn’t looking for the moral police. FWIW, I’m not in favour of adultery either, but people are complicated, and some do continue in life situations that I would find untenable.
With regards to the gift, a book, cd or dvd are the best in my opinion. Perishable gifts won’t leave much of a trace in the mind-- though flowers are ABSOLUTELY out. They would be impossible to explain away or ignore.
Serious question: is your point to tell the rest of us that we shouldn’t provide an answer to the OP on account of how that information may be used, or are you just venting? Or some other reason I haven’t thought of?
Heh, I was going to chime in with something along the lines of “as long as he gives his wife some crappy tape.”
That kinda surprised me, tho. Sorta took it out of the hypothetical to me.
I’m not sure what I would do with a friend who cheated on his/her spouse. Not at all comfortable that I could be friendly with them while it was going on.
But that doesn’t answer your IMHO. Hell, I’m such a romantic I’m getting my wife reusable grocery bags. So I don’t think you’d want my advice on gifts for a mistress!
Somehow I suspect that my suggestions aren’t abetting their relationship any more than your admonitions are impeding it.
I don’t endorse adultery. I DO endorse thoughtful gift-giving.
Bwaaahahahahahahaha…I’m such a 7th grader sometimes, but this cracked me right up.
I’d say that the right gift is a nice strap on so that he can understand what it feels like to take it up the ass before the divorce attorneys decide to show him instead.
Thank you… and I mean that sincerely.
He should buy her his divorce. If she can’t use it, his wife definately can. 