Scenario: you’re walking down a long hallway, at the end of which is a door. When you open the door, you see somebody has been walking behind you and is maybe 30-50 feet away.
Holding the door might create a sense of obligation on the other person’s part, making them walk faster than they otherwise would have so that you aren’t forced to ‘wait’ for them.
Not holding the door is, well, not holding the door. Your mother will immediately know if you fail this basic test of human decency and will be very disappointed in you.
What’s the more polite (or less rude) move? For the sake of the hypothetical, you don’t know the other person and so have no social context about what they’d prefer you do.
My rubric: If I’d want them to hold it for me from a similar distance sure. If not, not. Modulo if they’re elderly or burdened w 7 kids or something that makes me think them opening the door will be difficult once they get here.
Gotta think fast though. Better to go through sooner (not hastily) and have the door long-closed before they get there than have it latch just as they’re getting within a couple feet of it.
If I know them I might hold it and take an opportunity to speak with them, espcially if it isn’t someone I see everyday. If not, I just move on as if they weren’t back there, becasue they would do the same.
I sometimes make eye contact, giving an inquiring look, and get a nod and smile or a shake indicating they’re coming or that I should go. O, the humanity.
I work in a huge company where politeness is part of the corporate culture. Who knew that was possible?
But yes, everyone looks behind them as they open the door, and will hold it open for people who are clearly exiting the room, no matter how far away they are.
People also say “good morning” to people they don’t know at all, while passing on the stairs or in the elevator or whatever.
Question 1: If holding the door will save the person behind me effort, I hold it. So if either it will still be swinging shut, so they have to grab a moving door handle, I’ll hold it, or if they’re carrying something or for some other reason appear like they’d appreciate assistance, I’ll hold it. But if the door will have closed anyway by the time they get there and they look perfectly capable of opening a closed door, I’ll let it go.
Question 2: If I’m feeling OK, I’ll speed up a bit. If my ankle is acting up, I maintain the same pace. Either way I’ll be annoyed at this person who is putting some obligation on me, because I’d much rather just maintain the same pace and open the door myself, since that’s what I’d be doing anyway.
Hmm, this women might well think it was a sexist motive. But it depends. Holding the door is often a helpful courtesy.
Now what really grinds my gears is the men who stand not-far-enough-out-of-the-way while waiting for me to squeeze past them to exit the elevator. If your are closer to the door, PLEASE exit first.
That seems like there would be plenty enough time for the door to shut behind me without it slamming in their face. So I would probably not hold the door in this situation.
That said, I have done it before. But it was at church, and it was after I’d been holding the door for people who were closer behind me. And then it felt rude to go on through. But no one sped up to get through.
But I also knew everyone I was letting through to some extent. And it had kinda become my thing that I held the door. I probably wouldn’t do that today, even in those circumstances.