So I’m an older Dude who has been taught my whole life to hold the door open. Not a radical teaching I know, but for the majority of my life, for me and most people, that when a door is held open fro you, you kind of symbolically “helped” the door stay open. As you walked through a door being held open for you just kind of touched it finger tips as you passed and said thanks.
Though in an increasing frequency over the last couple decades more people make no hand movement toward the door as they walk through. There was always a greater likelihood with women to not reach toward the door handle, which with the primary door opening hinge, being to the left side, and that being the purse shoulder side made sense. But lately I cannot help but notice the decreasing probability of the the person walking through the held-open door, symbolically “helping” it stay open as they pass through.
If a door is held open for me, I will only touch the door if I’m in turn holding it for the person immediately behind me (but I always say “Thank you.”) But I wanted to address this:
I once read somewhere that people tend to wear a shoulder bag or hold a purse on their dominant side, which for about 90% of the population would be their right side. Otherwise, you’d have to reach across your body to pull something from your bag.
I used to hold doors a lot, particularly at church if I saw someone coming behind me. I don’t really remember people touching the door. What they’d do is make some gesture of thanks. Sometimes it was a full on “thank you.” Sometimes it was just eye contact and a nonverbal acknowledgement. And it never felt forced.
The only time I can remember people touching the door is if they were taking hold of it to let me go on in.
Well, if you’re looking at decades, I don’t know what to say, but if lately means the last 20 months or so, wouldn’t COVID have something to do with it? I see increased laxity now with regard to avoiding touching things, but for the first year or so of the pandemic, before it was understood how the virus spread, people were obsessed (two pairs of surgical gloves, etc.) and maybe you’re seeing habits that people have picked up.
As a slight deviation from the thread, I often have a problem when someone in front of me holds a door open. If I am right behind - thank you and pass through, but it’s when I am some distance behind and then feel compelled to run, or at least speed up because some kind soul is now stood waiting.
Personally, I would rather they walked on and left me to handle the door on my own.
Way back in the 80s, the firm where I worked got a new MD. He was quite short, maybe 5’2" or so. I came through a door just as he was coming the other way and I stood there, holding it open while he walked under my arm. He nodded thanks and it was never mentioned.
It must really be a cultural thing, because here, I’ve never seen symbolic door holding - only actual door holding. When you hold a door open, you’re expected to hold it open long enough for the other person to reach it themselves, and then you let go. I can’t remember ever holding a door open for someone and just letting them pass (unless they’re disabled, or really old, or really young, or carrying something, or I want to flirt with them). I’m helping them, not serving them.
If I hold the door open for the person behind me I expect them to take over when they reach the door, unless I am doing for someone with their hands full or otherwise unable to hold the door open. I am not their doorman. I will hold the door open for my wife while she walks through but she has a certain quaint sense of entitlement about that which I must accommodate.
Spouses are a special case. My wife uses an electric wheelchair, so a door involves me dodging ahead and holding it fully open while she negotiates her way through. Since this can often hold others up, I end up holding the door for them too.
For me there are two reasons for holding a door. Sometimes I see the person needs help. In those cases I play doorman. In the other cases the purpose is not to let the door hit them in the face. In those cases they usually say thank you and they keep the door open.
For the cases where someone has a big bag or something, what would they have done if you weren’t there to open the door?
awkwardly shuffled the bag to one hand to grab the door with the other. Or put down the bag, opened the door, and held it open with a foot while picking up the bag.
At least, that’s what I do when I need to navigate doors while carrying heavy stuff.
This may be going astray from the question but how close behind you should someone be for you to hold the door waiting for them? Two steps? Twenty steps? When does it become rude not to hold the door?
Also, by the way, if someone holds it for me I always say thank you. When I hold the door for someone else, many people (especially young women, IME) don’t acknowledge it in any way.
This is an enduring question. It’s especially awkward where I work, a domestic violence shelter with strict security including a double locked entrance with key fob entry. We’re not supposed to just hold the door open and let people in, but when they are on their way to the door, it is super awkward to just shut it in their face. I have yet to find a good solution.
If it’s a foyer with two sets of doors, If someone is coming through the inside set and I’m at the outside set or vice-versa, I hold the door. If I’m at the outer door and someone is heading toward it from outside, I hold open the door if the person is within 10 or 15 feet.
I really don’t understand the irritation and feeling you have to rush if someone is holding a door. I sure don’t expect people to hurry, and I’d think anyone holding a door for someone far away obviously isn’t in a hurry and doesn’t expect anyone to run. It saddens me that we’re cranky about people trying to be kind.