Thank the merciful heavens, the nearly-interminable “Holiday Luncheon” at my company is now over. Picture this:
At 11 am, the “first group” (half of a total workforce of over 400) goes to the cafeteria and eats. They eat up all the good stuff and then remain sitting in all the available seats as the “second group” files in. The second group then gets to stand for an hour and a half without eating the wretched leftovers while the “program” is laboriously carried out.
The program consists of: awards to people with 5 years of service. Awards to people with 10 years of service…continue through thirty years of service. The founder’s son, now an old man, woodenly recites completely useless and thoroughly uninteresting details of his father’s and mother’s lives ("…so he started to think about how he could make [the rubber stamp] process faster and less tedious…")
…And then recognition to the people who run the golf tournament, the company picnic, etc., more awards to the top salespeople–keep in mind, it’s now 1:35pm and the second group, still standing, is dying of starvation and fatigue–talk about how good this year was and how much better next year will be, more “new millennium” talk sigh then give out the worthless crap vendors give as holiday presents (think ‘cheese that doesn’t need to be refrigerated’ and ‘desk organizers’) to lucky employees, then more holiday remarks…and finally, we are able to form a long line to eat the miserable lukewarm picked-over remains of the holiday feast.
The only memorable moment was that the other artist in my department won–of all things–a folding camp chair in the crap raffle. So at least one of us got to sit for a few minutes.
Anyone else’s company do hare-brained stuff like this?
Wow eden! Your story makes my company’s sending me to LA to do a press check instead of attending a great dinner and party not quite as bad. I would rather miss out on a good celebration than sit thru that anyday!
I really try to be good but it just isn’t in my nature!
Last year, my company’s christmas party was at the “Queen Mary” in Long Beach, CA. So at least we could escape the boring speeches and tour the ship.
The highlight:
A karate demonstration (?!?) starring athletes from a studio owned by a friend of one of the company’s VIPs. During a particularly riveting routine between two karate masters, the stereo in the background was playing “When A Man Loves A Woman.” I think our DJ got a little too friendly with the eggnog.
Every employee got a present though! A 8.5 x 10" fake-leather folder with the company’s name embossed on it. The next day, a company-wide e-mail went out saying “Please come and take your folder, we don’t know what to do with all of them.”
I would be proud to stand and avoid cheesy food! At least you were indoors and warm!
What’s a cafeteria?! We used to hafta stand in 3 feet of snow, uphill both ways, and we had to CATCH our holiday snacks! The squeaking was something awful, and if you didn’t skin’em right, the fur would get stuck 'tween your teeth, and ANOTHER thing, all we had was wood burning raffle prizes!
With no electricity we had to watch the televised corporate message by candle light!
AND YOU THINK YOU HAVE IT BAD! You youngsters are just plain SPOILED! (frothing at the mouth)