That’s not at all the reason I get depressed around the holidays, and I suspect that I’m not alone in this. There’s a whole host of reasons one might get depressed.
for example?
I should note that no one seems to get depressed around the Fourth of July or Memorial Day or the other barbeque holidays.
Maybe you don’t get depressed on holidays that don’t insist you be happy. At Thanksgiving and Christmas everything is supposed to be all warm, cozy, fun and delightful…with who??? YOUR FAMILY. The 4th and Mem Day and Lab. Day you can, without guilt, choose to be friends.
Remember, friends you choose for affection and compatibilty; your family is foisted upon you at birth, without your consent. (Although, some believe we choose our parents/families before birth.)
Panache45: I totally agree with your comment…
One thing I have noticed about depression is that it really affects your ability to read other people. Depression involves a sort of self-focus that is the opposite of arrogance: you are totally focused on your own misery and self-loathing, and so you can’t see past it. When your brain is in a normal place, you can stand at a company Christmas party and know that a quarter of the people don’t want to be there at all, that half only are there because it’s better than actual work, and only a handful have been flat out eager to see everyone. You know, when your brain is in a normal place, that Sally from accounting is worried about her sick mom, that Jim’s marriage is falling apart, that Julie’s daughter is probably doing drugs again, that Frank is way over his head in debt and that Billy is terribly lonely. You also know any number of happy things about all these people. You have a sense of balance and perspective.
Depressed brains are not normal. They don’t see nuance in others. So when they look out at a holiday party, they see a Hallmark card. They really assume everyone else has access to a world of joy and pleasure and affection and it makes their misery seem even starker in comparison. This isn’t logical thinking, and it isn’t something that can be fixed by telling people to cheer up. But IME this sort of distorted awareness is common among sufferers of depression.
I think it makes sense.
Think about Valentine’s Day. Being single might be the last thing on your mind, until you’re confronted with it on the love-themed day.
Likewise, being depressed is one thing, but when the season comes round when you’re supposed to be actually happy, you become consciously aware of what you’re missing out on, which may make you more depressed.
You’d think that families and friends getting together at this time might balance out this phenomenon… But as it’s a kind of externally-imposed forcing together of lots of people, some of whom won’t get along, it’s maybe not as happiness-inducing as other social activities.
Oh, and happy holidays! 
I agree with this completely. Mental illness in general may be defined by irrational thinking. Depression distorts everything around you and everything within you. And from my point of view it makes me self-centered and self-pitying, which only inspires me to hate myself more. Somehow we have to figure out a way to extend compassion to ourselves.
It happens the other way as well. The state of Jim’s marriage makes you depressed - he can’t see the train that is coming and he is such a nice guy, he doesn’t deserve it. Julie’s daughter will die of an overdose and you are powerless to stop it. And Frank and his kids will be homeless and on the street. And all this is a sign of our general cultural issues - societies problems are pressing on you. When depression and anxiety go hand in hand, you can get very “macro” on your anxiety, and look for external reasons to be anxious - giving yourself other people’s lives to worry about on top of your own. So that when your own is going along swimmingly, you can borrow as much trouble as meets your need to be anxious. That tends to be my state, and since that is my state I’m pretty distant in real life from a lot of my friends - who I adore. I can’t “afford” closeness because with closeness comes anxiety and the inability to let them screw up their own lives without me being emotionally invested.
ETA: The holidays tend to bring me into these lives I keep at arm’s length. I see family I don’t see often. See friends I see only a few times a year. Hear gossip that at other times I protect myself from.
Of course they do. I do. Depression is worse for me in the summer. Fourth of July is particularly depressing for me.
A valid point. I get along well enough with my family, but quite frankly I find hanging out with my 60-something+ year old parents and relatives a bit on the tedious side. It becomes very Seinfeld-ian.
There are a good dozen examples already in the thread.
And you deduce this how? You may not hear lots of people talking about it, but that doesn’t mean it doesn’t happen. A lot of people deal with their depression not by pissing and moaning about it publicly, but by keeping it silent.
In fact my uneducated guess is that very few people piss and moan publicly about their depression. The social stigmas/ramifications exact too high a cost if you do.
It could be. I lost an entire circle of friends because I was ‘public’ about it. Saying stuff “I am feeling lonely/depressed/etc.” drive people further away then having ‘I need to borrow some money’
Heck, I get visibly upset if I go down to gathering with my university friends. One just sold a condo and made half a million. The other is getting married. One is considering a Master. I am just rotting away. Now imagine everyone at what I perceived to be their happiest. It stabs at the heart at times, until you realise you are looking at things through coloured lens, but that doesn’t change how you feel straightaway
Three things which depress me about xmas:
The even-more unashamed rampant consumerism via which we are expected to buy love.
The goodwill to all men - but only so long as they are in your immediate family group.
All the people who don’t go out the rest of the year suddenly getting drunk and cluttering up my pubs.
I wonder if the break from routine contributes. Your normal schedule is all screwed up with shopping errands and house-cleaning and cooking tasks, the kids are off from school and getting in your hair, your favorite radio station is playing nothing but Christmas songs. It’s hard not to get frazzled when your world is turned upside down.
Also, you’re expected to do things not because you want to or because they make sense to do, but because it’s “tradition” and because the time is about pleasing others above yourself. Cuz what kind of parent would you be if you didn’t have a glittering Christmas tree for the kids to gaze upon in wonder–no matter how much a pain in the ass it is to put together. You don’t make enough money to buy an Atari, but you feel compelled to make the day “special” so you add to your credit card debt by buying a Wii or Playstation. There are the Christmas cards to send out, the zillion cookies to bake and give away to coworkers, the big preparations for the Christmas dinner. Maybe you’d be satisfied with sending out a massive email, doing absolutely nothing for your coworkers, and having Chinese take-out for dinner. But Tradition requires going over the top with generosity. Some people worry how they’ll come across if they don’t live up to the hype.
I don’t get depressed around the holidays, but I don’t look forward to them. The shopping traffic, the silly Santa hats, the fake-ass music…all get on my nerves.