Holy Pretentiousness, Batman! (New condo website incites violent thoughts in me)

Mundane Pointless Stuff I Must Share (MPSIMS)
#1

There’s a new condo complex in town, and oh my god are they pretentious. (Click on “Residential.”) From the tinkly, factory-setting midi music (that is obviously supposed to be representative of über-hip jazz) to the little blurbs that are supposed to represent what kind of über-asshole wants to live in this complex to the names of the tiny little apartments* (592 to a whopping 947 square feet - for approx. $350,000 and up) to the pretentious fonts to the pretentious capitalization and punctuation to the pretentious colours, this site just make me want to punch somebody. Probably the Armani-wearing, hair-gelled, square-glasses, cell-phone-as-umbilical-cord assholes who created it in their über-chic downtown “media group.”

Have I mentioned I think it’s a tad pretentious? Is this something that we are just going to have to get used to, living in “THE HEART OF THE NEW WEST” (as pretentious people are calling Calgary)? I have to go listen to some Rob Zombie now to get that music out of my head.

*(Under “profiles and plans”) This part is either sad or funny - they named one of the tiny, one-bedroom condos “Duet.” Ha? The rest of the names are Alto, Bass, Concerto, Drum, Forte, Flute, Guitar, and Jazz. I think I see a theme. At the building known as “Keynote.” Too cute for words. No, wait, I think a word for it is coming - pretentious.

#2

Dee Dee Ramone would beat the crap out of those assholes and steal their money.

#3

I’m sorry, but I’m not getting the outrage. Clearly, they’re trying to appeal to urban professionals (nurses, architects, engineers, etc), and marketing their building in a way that would sound appealing to their demographic. The web site is trying to create a tone of hip, cool professionalism.

What are they supposed to do? Be embarassed that they are trying to sell condos to upscale professionals?

Why the musical notes and jazz? Because the building is called the Keynote, so it’s their marketing ‘hook’.

If I were single, I’d love living in a place like that. Floor to ceiling full wall windows , modern fixtures with lots of rich wood and chrome, top quality appliances, flooring, and accents… Looks like a wonderful place to live.

As for the $350,000 price - for Calgary, that’s not bad. A ‘starter home’ in Calgary will cost you over $400,000 now. A 2000 sq foot 2-story home with doube attached garage will run you $600,000 or more. You can’t buy an old WWII era pillbox home for under $300,000.

This is what $350,000 gets you in Calgary these days. A 607 sq foot ‘handyman special’ built in 1950.

#4

Why is Calgary so expensive? It’s surrounded by developable farmland. Why aren’t developers building tract homes there as fast as they can? Is there some sort of urban land use boundary like in Portland?

#5

I think Calgary, like Edmonton, is in a situation where the main limiting factor on expansion is infrastructure. There simply aren’t enough tradespeople around to build the homes, expand the roads, lay the sewers, etc. Real estate in both cities is skyrocketing.

But I’m with you - because there isn’t much of a physical limit on expansion, the high prices can’t last. When the labor shortage eases, and construction can continue at a faster pace, there will be more new homes on the market which will drive down prices. I think both cities are heading for an adjustment at some point. What I don’t know is whether it will be a ‘soft landing’ where real-estate prices decline only slightly or stay fixed for a long period of time while the economy catches up to it, or whether we’ll see a bona-fide crash.

Calgary is slightly limited - To the north, it’s running into Airdrie. To the west, there are foothills. The south has a number of communities. But that said, there’s still plenty of open space that could be developed around Calgary.

Edmonton’s expansion is a little tougher. We have Sherwood Park to the East, St Albert to the North, Leduc to the south, and Stony Plain to the west. So we start running into bedroom communities pretty quickly (in fact, we’re sort of blending into them now). And real estate prices are just as high in those communities. And once you get past them, you’re starting to get an awfully long way away from the city.

But real estate prices are high all through Alberta, and I have to think it’s because of the labor and infrastructure problems we’re having everywhere. For example, Innisfail is a small town on Hwy 2, about halfway between Edmonton and Calgary. And this is what almost $300,000 will buy you in Innisfail: a 990 sq foot tract home.

#6

I like the layout of “Guitar” – we could live in that, I think, for the amount of crap we have and our lifestyle.

Except there’s no room for a bureau in the bedroom and I really hate the new raised sinks (an oxymoron?). $350,000 in greater Victoria will get you a one bedroom, one bath condo; for $350,000 a 2 bedroom, 1 bath kinda crummy looking house on the outside–but in Sooke --43 minutes away from my workplace.

I have $4000 saved in my Buy a House account. :frowning:

#7

Calgary has one great handicap, or advantage, depending on how one looks at it…

It is the only major American city in Canada, and visually looks great in a rear view miror.

Regards
FML

(PS I live in Edmonton)

#8

God. These prices make me wonder what my old condo in Eau Claire would worth. I sold it for about $140,000 in 1990.

#9

Mystery meat website navigation bloody sucks. I didn’t stick around long enough to find out how pretentious it was , but I’ll take your word for it.

#10

Gah. Columbus, Georgia isn’t the greatest place in the world, but I live in a 4 bedroom two bath with living room, den, dining room, kitchen, mud room, laundry room and enclosed garage/cat suite. It appraised at a bit over $160,000.

Besides, I hate moving.

#11

Looks like standard Toronto fare to me…

d&r

#12

The housing market on Long Island (easternmost NY State) is out of control. I own a standard high ranch (3 br/lr/eik/dr/full bath up; 1 br/lr/eik/full bath/extra anything-you-want room down plus integral garage) In late 1994, I paid around $170K - I could get upwards of $475K now if I wanted to sell. (which I don’t, not because I hate moving - I just hate the packing and unpacking that goes with it)

#13

I’m still trying to figure out where the “workspace” is in the Concerto, Guitar and Jazz floorplans. Is it that little closet off the bedroom that’s smaller than the bathrooms?

#14

I was not all that upset about the adverstising–it’s advertising.

If I had any interest in living there, I would be curious why they describe the taller tower as having 32 stories in the “About” section, but 34 stories in the “Features”
section. Are they planning to sell phantom suites, then bug out before the groundbreaking?

#15

Maybe it’s designed by the same people who design airplane interiors. :slight_smile:

#16

In the Concerto and Jazz I think it’s the tiny nook off the kitchen; in the Guitar it looks like it’s right by the front hall closet.

#17

I literally want to hijack a plane and fly it into that building.

#18

Yes, but what band would you have playing as you do so? :smiley:

Sam Stone, my tolerance level for hip, cool urban professionals is very, very low - they bug the shit out of me. Marketing aimed at them is definitely not for me; I’ll not argue that point. It doesn’t make the marketing that isn’t aimed at me any less irritating to me when I stumble across it, though.

#19

I just think the blurbs from the “customers” on the site are hilarious…“I listen to Beck and Wilco”…“My sweater whispers to me…”

#20

I didn’t look at any of the floor plans. After listening to that lame looped jazz music while reading script about the favorite bands of imaginary people, I had to close the window.

“I listen to U2 and Coldplay” . . . OHMYGOD!!! MUST BUY BUY BUY!