Home Dentistry

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
121

“You got something on your forehead,” somebody said to me.

“It’s Lent. I’ve given up bathing for 40 days,” I said back.

:smiley:

“That’s ashes on your forehead,” she said in reply

“Yep. That’s particularly disgusting considering I don’t have a fireplace ain’t it,” I replied.
:smiley:

“What are y’all carrying on about,” said somebody else.

“The fact that I’ve giving up bathing for Lent,” I said.

“What? And what’s that on your forehead,” she said in reply.

“Ashes, which is really disgusting considering I got ashes all over me and I don’t even have a fireplace,” I said.

:smiley:

“Look, fool! I know you went to church during lunch. I know today is Ash Wednesday. I know you have ashes on your forehead from church,” said the first person.

“Yep, but I still gave up bathing for Lent. Wanna get closer and smell,” I said.

“Splutter Splutter* Gasp Choke Cough Cough Cough,” said the second person who had just swigged down a big gulp of water.

:smiley:

I kill at work I tell ya! Kill!
And I was banned from the break room for the rest of the day. Yeah, like I wanted to go back in there anyway!

122

What demonitionation are you swampy?

123

I believe he’s a Whiskey-palian…

124

Well, to be honest, I wore black hose with the skirt, so it might not have been as slutty as it sounds. Did have to remind myself not to bend over, though.

I do love my short skirts - makes me feel all girly & stuff.

Susan
(Sorry - no pics!)

125

Little Johnny and Little Jimmy were sittin’ around one hot summer afternoon talkin’ about how hot it was and wishing for a way to cool off.

“I know”, said Little Johnny, l"et’s go over to the Baptist church and tell the preacher we want to get baptized. He’ll dunk us in that big pool they got and that’ll cool us off!"

So, off to the Baptist church they went.

“Preacher,” said Little Johnny, “Me and Jimmy done found the Lord and we want to get baptized right now!”

“Son,” said the preacher, “I baptized Jimmy and you last year. You don’t need to be baptized again.”

“Yes we do,” said Little Johnny, “We don’t think the first one took.”

The preacher said, “Ok, if you two want to be baptized then come with me.”

The preacher takes the boys into the bathroom and proceeds to dunk both of their heads in the toilet.

“There,” said the preacher, “You’re baptized. Now go on out of here.”

They walked outside and little Jimmy said, “That was a funny baptism. I wonder what we are now.”

Little Johnny said, "Well, we ain’t Baptists cause we didn’t get dunked. We ain’t Methodists cause we didn’t get sprinkled. Hmmmmm… Oh! I know what we are! We’re

…hold on

…wait for it

…ready?
We’re Pisscopalians!"

:smiley:

That’s what I am.

126

Swampy, Do you know about true Lutheran Baptisms?

In a TLB, the font if ileed with beer, and the baby is held under.

  • If it drinks all the beer, it will grow up to be a Good Lutheran.

  • If it drowns, it would have grown up to be a Baptist…

127

Oh, I get it. You’re merely a seeker of truth. :dubious: :smiley:

128

Black stockings… shortish skirt…

:: loosens imaginary tie ::

Is it hot in here or is just you? Please, in the name of all that is sacred, tell me you didn’t have the little lines running down the backs!?

:: faints from the heat and falls over ::

Yes, such are the truths I seek, fairest Wintermute.

129

I hate to intrude in all the fantasizing…

Bumba, do you do mail order or internet sales of your soap? I’m sure the MMPers like to keep clean and might be a good source of occasional business.

We went out for Chinese food for lunch. Here’s my stupid fortune:

Concentrate on financial matters until the end of the month.

Considering that’s MY JOB, that fortune basically is telling me to get back to work. :frowning:

130

Yeah, Swampy’s going to need some serious scrubbing in about 40 days.

Here’s my latest:

Although it feels like a
roller coaster now,
life will calm down.

Besides being a fairly boring fortune, notice that the color has changed. My Chinese food place has switched to a new fortune cookie supplier!

131

And the worst part of it is, it doesn’t even work well with “in bed” <snerk>.

Susan

132

Well, it does, but you’d have to be in a different profession.

133

Or is her fortune cookie telling her she should go into prostitution?! I mean, that’s financial matters in bed. Wow, scout’s so good she’s receiving requests to go pro!

Swampy, I’m missing an elbow and I hear from your cow-orker that you might know something about that.

134

So a cop notices a car speeding around mountain curves. Alarmed that the car is being so recklessly driven, he stops the car and peers into the window, where he sees three men in clerical collars. He says, “Men of the cloth! You should be ashamed! Tell me, what religion are you all?”

The driver says, “I am a Catholic priest.”
Front seat passenger says, “I am a Lutheran pastor.”
Cop says to the shaking, pale man in the back seat, “And you, preacher - what religion are you?”
Back seat passenger says, “I’m Ecopalian.”
Cop scratches his head. “Ecopalian? I never heard of that one before!”
Back seat passenger says, “Well, I was Episcoplian, 'til Father Murphy there scared the 'Pis out of me!”

(Thank you, thank you. I’m here all week. Tip the veal and try the waitresses.)

135

You know the difference between a Baptist and a Methodist?

The Methodist will look you in the eye and say “Hi” in the liquor store.

136

Somehow I just felt that bore repeating.

:stuck_out_tongue:

137

The sage continues. Still no candy. Almost giving up hope of finding any until after that other holiday. Holding out hope that Rite Aid will come through for me–they had Easter baskets out, and looked to be clearing aisle space for candy. Must stay strong. There are pastel colored candy-coated chocolate Easter eggs out there. They do exists. They do exists. I believe. I believe. <clapping hands>

138

<snerk> IN BED! <snerk>

Though do we really want stuff to calm down,

<snerk> IN BED! <snerk>

The Episcopal version is:

“Episcopalians will speak to each other in the liquor store.”

I’d have made a dang good Luterun! :smiley:

LifeOnWry BWAAAHAAAHAAAHAAAHAAAHAAAHAAA!!!
I can’t wait to tell this one at our next Vestry meeting.

When I tell jokes like that in front of the Priest he turns red. It’s fun! He once told me that it was not absolutely necessary to let it be known to him that I had sins that needed to be absolved. He said he had no doubt that I didn’t. I love that man! :smiley:

139

I think what you’ve got yourself there, young lady, is a new sig waitin’ to happen. :wink:

140

Didn’t get to the service- it was at lunchtime. Oh, well. I’ll just be over here, upwind of swampy.
I have a vinyl corset and fishnets with seams, Wintermute. Beat that. :smiley: