Home Improvement Contractor Stories

We have recently hired a contractor to do some work around the wigwam. Nothing major, just some indoor painting, install some new doors, and a little grout work. The experience has been truly eye opening. I thought all the stories I had heard about contractors were exagerated for effect. After almost 2 months, I realize just how naive I was. It has not been horrible, just frustrating.
For starters, I would love to sit my contractor down and tell him, “Repeatedly telling me about how this should have been a one week job does not make me feel better, and when you call to beg off for the day because you are “too drunk to work today” have the decency to lie about it.” Also, I think he should have told us before he started he would need rides to the hardware store because of one too many DUIs.
I am sure there are many among the teeming millions who can make me feel better by relating their truly awful contractor stories.