Homeland Security Detroit.

The BBQ Pit
1

I am pitting the complete and utter tossers responsible for protecting the U.S. from terrorism.

Before I relate my experiences I want to say that I agree totally and utterly that America is seriously at risk from terrorists,both Islamic and homegrown and that the U.S. is totally correct to heavily increase its security, particulary at key points.

As a Brit.I’m used to searches and security checks over many decades arising from the often seemingly random terrorist atrocities committed by Irish Republicans killing newspaper sellers,people out shopping,pub goers,Bandsmen and other such oppressors of Irish freedom and latterly we have the Islamic terrorists up to the same activities.
So as I say I’m not a bleeding heart on the subject and it is not a new or even unusual experience for me or a good many other Brits for that matter.

I not too long ago entered the U.S. at Detroit,the U.S. government had already given me a visa waiver for entering the U.S. as they had had all of my details given on line while I was still in the U.K.

So I arrive there and quite happily get checked out by the sniffer dog and then I’m asked some questions about my purpose for entering the U.S.and destination,address etc. in the U.S. which I answer quite happily, promptly and without hesitation.

I don’t mind this even though the U.S. government already has this information,I could be someone impersonating me, or the information that they had been given might have been wrong and if I had a poor memory they might catch me out in a lie…
My case receives a quick search but nothing threatening is found.

So I’m passed on to the next one and he asks me the same questions,after all my story might have changed within the last forty seconds…

And then I’m extracted from the other passengers and directed to a search area where my case is basically trashed and the stuff left lying in a shitty heap for me to repack,several hundred dollars which have been removed from my handbaggage are left lying on a metal bench,
(hoping I’d fuck off quick and forget about it until I was on my connecting flight,in which case noone would know anything about when enquiries were made?Fat chance you obnoxious little prick!),

After this pathetic little clown had finished the search,his female colleague who wasn’t even supposed to be with him came over and tried to perform another search on the case, my jacket etc that he’d just been through but he realised that he was going a little too far stopped her.

Her animated excitement when she started her aborted search was totally bleeding obvious.She wasn’t doing it for security reasons she was doing it because it was giving her a thrill.

Likewise the male seemed to be enjoying his work a little bit too much and puffed up with his own self importance wasn’t in it.

Still it’ll teach me to be bigger then him and have more money won’t it?

He found a book about operations in Iraq and considered it suspect,though I’d bought it at the airport)and asked me such intelligent questions as…
“Whats this card?”

“What, the card with my photo on it and U.K. driving licence?”…
“Thats my driving licence…in the U.K.”

“Oh,what is all this paperwork?”

“Thats my travel insurance documents”

“So why have you got them with you?”
“If I need them,I can quote them and I can show them to whoever its necessary to,if they were back in England then I couldn’t”

After his indepth search of my wallet and paperwork he KNEW that I was a member of an official British special forces association so that I’d make a bloody unlikely anti American terrorist but he kept on anyway.

I suspect that he was probably an ex cook or some other ex Remf from the American forces and was acting out a fantasy of being a big,hard L.E.O.
God protect us from Walter Mitties with “Small mans mentality”

And after that I went through the metal detector,a Yank coming through at the same time after being searched said to me…

“We’ve just been fucking searched,do they think that someone just passed a bomb in the fucking search area?”

So if you r’e the short, obnoxious,balding, little,dark haired shit with a moustache and a Polish sounding name then I sincerely hope that you have to actually deal with a real life,suicidal terrorist in your immediate vicinity sometime soon,and goes for the pathetic little cow working alongside you.

And I think that I’ve probably just put the Kibosh on ever being allowed to reenter the U.S. for the forseeable future.

2

why does british verbosity typically encroach into the land of the unintelligible?

3

You were lucky:

Dr Peter Watts, Canadian science fiction writer, beaten and arrested at US border

Peter Watts found guilty

4

Serves you right for visiting Detroit.

5

I think that its back to school for you for some english language lessons.
Judging by the poor literacy of your own post it’s no wonder you’d like others to dumb down the content of their posts.
Try looking your name up in the dictionary under “moronic little twat”.
Bye bye,don’t call me…

6

you mean English language lessons, don’t you?

ooh. he used one of dem inglish insults there… what be callin me twat and all.

eat dick, you angry, small dicked pseudo-commando.

7

Sorry did I touch a raw nerve when I mentioned Walter Mittys with small man mentality in my O.P.?
Must have been a little bit too close to home for you
Sorry my little friend but if the cap fits wear it.

And now I’m sure I’ve kept you away from your banjo playing for much too long so off you go then,I know you crave attention but I’m afraid you’ll have to look to your mommy for that,not a complete stranger on a M.B.
Bye,Bye.

8

British people have an obsession with the United States that is hard to understand. My English cousin went on and on about the stupid American sports like American football and basketball with their high scores. He shut up about it when I asked him what the last Cricket scores were. Then there was my RAF uncle who hated the US military and was so proud that he was stationed in Plymouth during WWII despite the fact that the city was hit by Germans bombers so hard it looked like Detroit does now.

I really doubt the women got a charge out of frisking you. We typically assume Brits are gay until proven otherwise. I can just imagine their conversation:
“Where’s he from?”
“The UK”
“Didn’t that used to be a country?”

9

For someone who gets all uppity about mistreating the English language, you sure as fuck can’t speak it at all.

10

Tell him he is “human garbage”; that’ll hurt him!

11

This treatment sucked. Luckily they didn’t start by tasering you and eventually killing you like has happened before in airports. I’d swear you were on a London street taking just taking a picture. Unfortunately this guy is not one of a few.

12

Not at all; so far as I know, the Patroit Act doesn’t prohibit persons who write overly verbose, borderline incoherent message board posts from entering the country. If it did, I and a fair few of the other members here would be in a passel of trouble, wouldn’t we?

As for the other replies so far, pay no mind. For reasons completely unknown, Americans who whinge constantly about the patent aburdities of Security Theatre suddenly get all huffy when a Furriner complains about exactly the same thing.

Seriously, though. Next time you post, just say something like ‘some jumped-up, officious prick with time on his hands pulled me out of line for a random search, decided to use me as an on-the-job training session for another officious prick in waiting, and when it was all done, I had to go through yet another search to go to my gate.’

Brevity, man, brevity.

13

Ugh, the OP is perfectly clear. What’s hard to understand about it?

14

Catching terrorists may not be our forte, but nobody makes new ones like we do!

15

We’re not obsessed with the U.S. but you are at present the most powerful country on Earth,we do experience an incredible amount of media from you guys(Movies,T.V,music etc.),some good ,some not so plus also we are extremly close allies.

You don’t come across as the most switched on of people,sorry I’d better explain that…my apologies you don’t seem to be overly endowed in the intelligence department so I’ll explain in terms that the average nine year old would understand and just hope that you can make the jump upwards in cognition and hope that you can emulate them.

I wasn’t saying that the woman got a charge out of frisking me,

I’ll just run that by you again…

I wasn’t saying that …

That the women got a charge out of frisking me…

What I WAS saying…

Would it help if I typed slower to match your reading speed ?

Was that she got a thrill out of having

the power to search a complete strangers

  baggage             even              though          she           was         thick

as shit.

I would have made my rant if I had experienced the same treatment at London Heathrow or Bogga Bogga airport in Mumbo Jumbo land.
As to your obviously recurring fantasy that all Brits are Gay,yes we have quite a number of Gays,quite a number of Straights and no doubt more then a few people who shag sheep,but sorry to disappoint you you’ll have to look elsewhere when you’re looking to get your arse gang banged by other men,the Mexicans perhaps ? Maybe people from Albania?

Personally I have nothing against Gays even though I’m not Gay myself(Though I’ve shagged many blokes who were,bent bastards !)

I’m not a racist so I don’t judge whole nationalities by individuals,your cousin sounds like a complete wanker but that doesn’t mean all Brits are,and you sound like a sad little prick,luckily I have met many Americans and have served alongside American soldiers in places where it counts, so I dont judge all Americans to be pathetic little losers like yourself.

For gods sake join a Gay club or something and spare us from your fantasies,its the 21st c now !

People like yourself no longer shock or offend the rest of us.
Live with it.

16

“Bogga Bogga” in “Mumbo Jumbo Land”? Christ, are you in the BNP or what?

Christ, you’re the stereotypical obnoxious English tourist. And you’re still a hypocrite for bitching about American English while refusing to bother with proper grammar and punctuation and spelling.

17

I’m embarrassed to live in the same city as you.

18

Location City has just gone to hell lately.

Anyway, as to the OP, if you visited Detroit and the worst that happened what some airport security staff messed with you, I’d count your blessings.

19

There is something weird about American security workers.

I live in Israel, and believe me, we have our share of security folk. The thing is, my interaction with them is just a normal human interaction between two regular guys, one of whom is just doing his job: I’ll say “Hi” and nod, he’ll say “Hi” and nod back, he’ll check my bag and and maybe wand me, then he’ll say “thanks” or “Ok” or “there you go”, I’ll nod “thanks” and that’s it. If anything more complicated happens, I’ll talk to him the same way I’d talk to anyone else, and he’d do the same.

In America, though, there has to be this *Attitude *involved, a strange mixture of formality and agression. Personally, I’d much rather have a guard call me “dude” than call me “sir.”

20

Thank you for proving my case for me,you sad,pathetic,ignorant little half wit.

I’ll bet that you 're the terror of the playground when you’ve eaten too many E numbers.

“You sure as fuck ,whine,whine,whine…”

My god you really are a sad little wanker aren’t you?

Now you’ve had your little attention fix why don’t you go away and leave the grown ups to talk,you obnoxious little prick.

In the unlikely event that you have something relevant to contribute to the actual topic of the thread by all means post it but if all you’ve got is juvenile hurt feelings to express then go back to your schoolfriends.

Bye Bye Chuckles.