Homocidal Maniac on the Loose in Northeast!

[Zebra]

Gee, I went to join Andygirl in the shower. (OK I went to watch her in the shower) and strangely enough she’s not there.
The floor is a little wet but, oh, no wonder she’s not taking a shower. there isn’t a shower curtain.
Where do I go to have unspeakable acts performed on me?

[if6was9]

Body Count: 18

Not counting the finger… fingers.

[Governor_Quinn]

The Governor isn’t dead yet, but his head hurts.

[KRC]

That dripping noise is coming from the bathroom. I guess I’d better go have a look.

Hey, what’s this message written in toothpaste on the bathroom mirror? It says “Humans can lick too.” What is that supposed to mean?

[Satisfying_Andy_Licious]

*Originally posted by Eve *
**Oh, crap, now we’ve got this guy to worry about, too!

**BRIDGEWATER, Mass. (AP) - A man has escaped the state treatment center for sexually dangerous persons where he was committed 19 years ago, corrections officials said Monday. John McIntyre was present for an inmate count at 9:30 p.m. Sunday and discovered missing at around 11 p.m., Correction Commissioner Michael Maloney said at a news conference on Monday. “The court has found him to be sexually dangerous and committed him to life in prison. I would consider him dangerous, yes,” Maloney said. ** **

Somebody call the authorities in the Northeast and tell them their nuts are loose.

Right now I think the best thing for all of us to do is to split up and search.

I’ll search the um … bathroom? (No good – “Psycho.” The bedroom? Nope, “Halloween.” The basement? Nope, “Don’t Look In the Basement.” The attic? “Toys in the Attic.” The crawlspace? Nope, “Crawlspace.” Crap, let’s see … The library. Naw, Colonel Mustard with the pipe. The uh … the laundry room! I’ll search the laundry room.

[JimSox5]

Dammit, who let Davebear out of his cage?

[if6was9]

Davebear don’t scare me none! I can handle… AHHH OHHH stop stop AAAHHHHHHHHHH!
Body Count: 20… No wait… 21…

[Skeezix]

And just to keep Dopers on the west coast on thier toes:

GORDA, California (AP) – Two women were found dead in an oceanview cabin, their hands bound and black plastic garbage bags around their heads, one with a Halloween mask attached to it.

Well, it is October an’ all, but day-um, they’s comin’ out’n the woodwork, kiddies.

[MsRobyn]

Well, there’s one less nut to worry about this morning. The guy in Wilkes-Barre turned himself in yesterday.

Robin

[Michael_Ellis]

I’m not dead ye — GAK!

[swampbear]

Did you say homo-cidal maniac? Damn, is my ex out of prison again?

[Eve]

BRIDGEWATER, Mass. (AP) - An escapee from a sex offender treatment center was captured on a street Tuesday after authorities searched for more than a day, officials said.

—Welp, they caught that one, too. Guess we’ll have to scare ourselves into squealing like schoolgirls with the telekinetic monkeys.

[Annie-Xmas]

@Eve

Oh, crap, now we’ve got this guy to worry about, too!

BRIDGEWATER, Mass. (AP) - A man has escaped the state treatment center for sexually dangerous persons where he was committed 19 years ago, corrections officials said Monday. John McIntyre was present for an inmate count at 9:30 p.m. Sunday and discovered missing at around 11 p.m., Correction Commissioner Michael Maloney said at a news conference on Monday. “The court has found him to be sexually dangerous and committed him to life in prison. I would consider him dangerous, yes,” Maloney said.

Now we know what Trapper John did After-MAS*H. Speaking of washed up old movie stars, be on the lookout for Elliot Gould, Wayne Rogers, and Pernell Roberts.

In the meantime, to calm all you down, I’ll put on this new CD I just bought, called “Music from Homicidal Maniac Movies.” Part of a 24 CD set.

[Zebra]

Are we in the sequeal now?

[Runestar]

You folks go ahead and party. I’m going to go to the old barn out back - you know, the one illuminated by the single flickering 25-watt bulb swinging from a wire. I’ve got to start sorting my collection of antique pitchforks, scythes, axes, saws and grass shears, so I can sell 'em on Ebay.

Hmm…I hear rustling from the hayloft. It’s probably just the cat looking for mice.

[Mehitabel]

Well, I’m taking the Governor’s advice and hiding in public.

Lessee…this subway car’s lights are flickering, but I’m OK because there’s nobody in it but three teenage guys in do-rags, and everyone knows that there are no black homicidal maniacs.

<somebody pulls emergency brakes>

<car stops in tunnel>

<lights go out>

<screams from three guys in do-rags>

<screams from Mehitabel who forgot that black guys are the redshirts of horror movies and got caught in homicidial maniac’s spree>

Damn. And now Mayor Bloomberg is denouncing us all in the press for bad publicity.

Body Count = 25

[hawthorne]

Who put Gus Van Sant in charge of threadspotting?

[Ghanima]

…hi guys. Uh, my car broke down just down the road and the storm is getting really nasty, I was wondering if I could use your phone to call my boyfriend…hmmm, the phone is dead? That’s funny. Well, I guess I’ll just have to wait out the storm with you guys, but first I’ll just go back to the car to get my flashlight , my dope and my friend who fell asleep in the back seat…who’s coming with me?

…Guys?

P.S.

@dogbutler

I say we take off, and nuke the state from orbit. It’s the only way to be sure.

I do hope you’re talking about Texas…

[Tikki]

I just want to thank you Northeasterners for taking some of the load off the Northwest as far as homocidal maniacs are concerned. What with Gary Ridgway, those Picton boys up in Vancouver and Ted Bundy, among others, we kinda need a break.

Why are the horses in the barn whinnying like that? Let me just pull on my satin, thigh-length robe and see. Gee, it’s sure foggy out and dark too. Wish I’d brought a flashlight. What’s that sound over there? “Hello? Anybody there?” Nothing? Yes? No? Hmmm, check the horses or go back to the house? Check the horses or…glaaaaaaak!

[Skywatcher]

Thunk! shhhht

Thunk! shhhht

Thunk! shhhht