I have just discovered, upon re-reading all of Professor T’s works for the 374th time, that said works are totally and completely GAY! That’s right, they’re riddled throughout with gayness!
Just look at The Lord of the Rings. The subtext is as transparent as a pickup line in a Greenwich Village bar! At the beginning of The Two Towers, Aragorn kisses (you read it right, KISSES) the dying Boromir on the brow. Probably gave him a handjob too, just to ease the pain of his passing. The “healing hands of the King,” indeed!
And how about Frodo and Sam? All alone in a hostile land with only each other for comfort, with Sam not knowing if he’ll ever see Rosie Cotton again…why, them doing it makes so much more sense than them not doing it! Are Hobbits made of stone?
More evidence: Sam KISSES Frodo on the brow! While he’s SLEEPING! Later, when Sam rescues Frodo from the Tower of Cirith Ungol, he sees Frodo NAKED, being WHIPPED! Oooooh, bondage and domination reference!
Some knowitall is probably going to send in a post pointing out that in Victorian and Edwardian times (when Professor T grew up) it was not considered “gay” to express affection for another male; that it is OK in Europe for straight men to kiss; and that Shakespeare himself expressed affection for a certain young man in his sonnets but was probably not gay.
Yeah, right. Just like the Ancient Greeks didn’t consider themselves gay for fucking little boys.
That brings up my next question: were Victorian, Edwardian, European and Shakespearean civilization all really GAY? And if not, why not? I mean, there’s nothing wrong with it.
And wasn’t Professor T, himself…SECRETLY GAY? What if he really wanted to write a gay fantasy novel, but pulled back from the abyss just in time? He probably would have lost his chair at Oxford, the poor man.
Now I bet some anal-retentive (mmmm! sexy adjective) dweeb with an ego the size of Michael Martinez will write in saying that Tolkien was happily married for many long years. Well, lots of gay men have to keep up appearances. How do you KNOW he wasn’t gay?
If he wasn’t gay, he should have been!