Honesty sucks.
Honesty: telling someone how/what you feel about them. ‘I feel you are fat’ That is honesty, but it sucks.
Truth is great.
Truth: Saying what is true and can be checked out as true. ‘that extra weight looks nice on you.’ If true, is true.
Lying sucks.
Lying is: Deliberately withholding all or part of the truth from someone who has the right to know.
I think a lot depends on how it’s said. If someone asks you a question that will be difficult for you to answer, give it a little sugar (ie: tact). I think Glitch’s example was great.
To me, being honest is being truthful when people ASK!! (and in your dealings with others, but that’s a different topic). No one said you had to tell people everything on your mind. No one is probably asking you to do that also.
I also greatly agree with Chef’s point about there being a difference between lying and keeping a secret.
Thanks BG! I re-read my post and while I stand by it, I wonder if it makes me look a little [cringe]Clintonian[/cringe].
As my sainted granny used to say, “Every time you open your mouth you don’t have to let all your guts fall out.”
(She also used to say, “Be open-minded but not SO open-minded that your brain falls out.” The woman was obsessed with plummeting internal ogans.)
Live a Lush Life
Da Chef
Mmmm, honesty. Honesty must be present for a relationship of any type to work, and that honesty has to exist not just between the people involved but for each person in their own mind.
I dated a guy for over a year that insisted on honesty between the two of us. I learned an enormous amount and dropped the subconcious little games I played - the white lies I’d say just to make things a little less complicated or hurtful.
The only thing was, he wasn’t honest with himself. About a lot of things - his mental health, his idea of fidelity, my idea of fidelity, the consequences of his actions and his own knowledge of those consequences. He couldn’t be honest with himself, and as a result, all the truth he gave me was ultimately a lie.
sigh Chalk one up to the “older and wiser” column.
Of course, honesty is nothing without tact. Honest facts can be delivered in a way that will destroy the psyche of a strong person. The most brutal truth can be given in a manner that allows the hearer to bear up in strength and bravery. It really does all depend.
Silence can be honest or false depending on how it’s used. We’re all aware of the inferences others can make from a lack of response as well as the way words can be technically true while the connotations twist it into something else.
I believe in a policy of honesty. I also believe in not harming people any more than absolutely necessary. It complicates my life in the short term, but makes it much simpler in the long term. It’s hellishly difficult at times, but always makes the end result better.
Will work for sig line.
I think it is good to discuss the stuff that bothers you (or him) before it becomes insurmountable. Honesty is usually best, but you don’t have to be hurtful and accusative. I always use an I statement like … “when this happens it makes me feel like…because… what do you think we can do to remedy this?”
I find that works pretty well as it doesn’t put up the other persons guard and they are more willing to discuss it. I also find the more you really listen to what people are saying, without thinking of an answer or excuse while they are explaining it, the more apt they are to discuss what bothers them.
I also find women tend to like your full attention when you discuss this kind of stuff where guys are more into having a distraction, like driving or working on something that doesn’t require alot of attention.
I hope this helps.
I really try to be good but it just isn’t in my nature!