Question: The end of relations and honesty

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

Hey all,

So, I was reading over some thing from my own past recently, and I was going over some things in my mind, and I realized that I’ve never had a really smooth break-up. I’ve had some tolerable ones, but never one I didn’t look back at with some pain.

The thing that I found in common with the most painful ones were that I was generally lied to at the actual break-up. I don’t know if it’s just coincidence or what-have you, but it seems a trend.

So, I decided to open a thread to talk about the nature of break-ups and honesty. I don’t want this to be particularly about my own experiences; I’m not trying to fix things or set things straight. I’m just trying to figure out the mindset.

To the meat of it: Have you been either the instigator or the target of dishonesty during a break-up? How did it make you feel (on either side)? Would you’ve liked it to’ve gone differently? How did you act, and why?

2

Both. Several times but I’ll use the most recent as examples.

  1. My dishonesty was around the fact that the girl ceased to be physically attractive to me, and she was really bad in bed. I thought that telling her this would crush her, so I kinda pussyfooted around the issue and said it was that I didn’t have the capacity to feel the same way emotionally about her as she did about me.

  2. The nasty breakup I endured last year was a tissue of lies, but I didn’t realise how many lies there were until a few months later - and when I found out, it exacerbated my depression many times over. (Cheating, leaving me for the person she cheated with, not telling me she was dissatisfied with the relationship, bitching about me to people while we were together, etc.) What I would have liked, and had asked for when I realised we were breaking up, and was told I’d receive, would have been transparency and honesty. It would have hurt of course, but would have made things easier to get over. She didn’t, I guess, because she wanted me still to see her in an honourable light. That said, if there were hurtful reasons, per my point 1 above, then maybe they were better left unsaid.