Hence…
Well, to be fair, “throw my ashes in the garbage can” was never to be taken seriously IMO.
My Mum spent her last few days in a hospice, where thankfully she was made comfortable and pain-free.
On one of my visits, she asked me to give her eulogy.
I spent time composing something, came back and read it to her.
She said “That’s lovely - I wish I could hear it.”
We both laughed - and then I said "Can I include that comment in the eulogy? "
“Oh yes” Mum replied “I want my funeral to be a celebration of my life - not a dreary service.”
So I did as requested - and the anecdote got a laugh … followed by a slightly embarrassed silence.
I quickly said “Thank you for laughing - that’s exactly what Mum wanted!”
After the service, one of my cousins said it was the best funeral she’d been to - I knew what she meant.
My condolences. I’ll be holding you both in the light 
Then I’d say that. “I don’t have any strong preference for my final remains. I defer to my survivors to decide the easiest and/or more memorable final decision, and if there is any disagreement amongst them, then I would like to be stuffed and placed on the most annoying person’s mantle to be decorated monthly according to the most obscure holiday on the calendar.”
I told our minister “When you that hear I died, get ready for a cool funeral, ah gots me some bodacious idears!”
He chuckled and said “Go ahead and try it, but I’m going to do whatever your wife wants. So, probably no Viking Pyre on the lake…”
Dammit!
As a Christian, I don’t give a fuck. That’s not me* in that cardboard box (that’s my bet for “wife’s request”, she’s pretty practical). I’ll already be exploring the universe with the fun Apostles… sorry, Paul.
.
So I’m in this category:
UNLESS a loved one gave a list of cool places to spread their ashes, and we’d get a fun family trip out of the deal…
.
*I feel strongly about this, partly because my mother claims to believe that “Oh, he’s in Heaven now” stuff, but every time we put flowers on my dad’s grave she says “I really should’ve made the cemetery give him a better plot. He really doesn’t have much of a view, and I feel guilty about that.”
Geez, Mom, you really think he’s there in the ground, facing the Middle School Industrial Ed building, fretting about his view? I’m so tempted to say “Y’know, atheists have a healthier view of Dad’s afterlife than you do.”
My son died 7 years ago. I keep his ashes in the box they gave me on the floor next to my bed.
He would’ve Loved to have had his ashes put in fireworks and sent up!
Me, I will have no relatives, but my ashes, which should stay near my sons, buried on the grounds of a Dunkin donuts.
You could always get a piece of Disney jewelry and have it set with one of these:
LifeGem Online – Ashes from Diamonds or Hair
My paternal grandmother was a modest woman who did not care for any extravagance or frills in her life but was not without a sense of humor about it. Many times she told me or my father that when she died, she hoped we’d cram her in a garbage bag and toss her in a nearby dumpster. When she died (something I didn’t find out about until a little later; my parents were terrible about delivering any kind of bad news), we obviously did not follow her wishes, although I did mention it. Which was received poorly as I recall.
Thank you
My wife and I periodically joke about whether if she left me by the curb whether I’d need an extra sticker or if she’d have to wait until bulk pick-up days.
The only final request I’ve been faced with is my father insisting that my sisters and I not have a funeral for him. He didn’t want us having to spend a lot of money on a funeral that not many members of his side of the family were left to attend anyway. We didn’t have a full-fledged funeral, but we did hold a small memorial service for the few family members left. So we somewhat honored his request.
Mrs. Solost asked me once to scatter her ashes in a specific beautiful spot she visited years ago and loved, but since then, she’s amended that to 'just take a vacation to anywhere nice you want to go, and scatter my ashes there". In any case, since I’m several years older than her and not taking the greatest care of myself, I don’t think I’ll get the chance to honor her request 
Tip: DON’T try doing this during a holiday weekend, unless you want a huge audience for your scattering ceremony! I went to the Smokies with a friend during Labor Day weekend, and when we finally got there I took a wrong turn-- instead of going to the Ranger’s office to inquire about a campsite, I got caught up in the Cades Cove Loop-- a 2 mile or so one-lane one-way road around the cove for people to observe from their cars. It was bumper-to-bumper traffic moving at a literal snail’s pace with no way to exit. We got caught in it for 2 hours. After the 10 or so hour drive to get there, it was miserably frustrating. I was afraid I was going to run out of gas.
I’m sorry for your loss.
I want a funeral pyre, with 18 matched horseman on 18 matched horses slowly circling the flames.
But that’s a joke. I believe strongly that funerals are for the living. I told my kids to do whatever makes them feel best. My then child-in-law interrupted to say that their father had pointed out that it’s a burden for the recently bereaved to make decisions, and it can be helpful to leave a request. And that was true when my mom died. She’d told me she wanted her ashes scattered where we put my dad’s ashes. So when she died, and we were all sitting around saying, “what’s next?” I related that to my sibs, and they all said, “okay”, and that was the end of the discussion, and we were able to call the funeral home and give clear instructions that everyone was on board with.
But i don’t think you should ask for anything that will be hard for your survivors to pull off. And i don’t think you should honor difficult requests made by the dead.
There are two big considerations:
- Will it affect or matter to anyone else (who is still around) whether or not I carry out those wishes?
- Did I promise them, while they were still alive, that I would carry out those wishes?
It matters to me that I mean what I say and do what I told people I would do.
I don’t know what happens to people after they die, but I doubt that, even if they have an ability to observe what the people they left behind are doing, they care all that much about things like what happened to their earthly remains.
No, not really. The cemetery is next to a semi-public road so I suppose it would be technically possible, but there’s no way to do it clandestinely. Plus, I know mom would want a headstone placed where her ashes were spread. I might keep a thimbleful of her ashes to try to spread there someday, but I’m not holding my breath that I’ll ever get to do so.
My issue with this is two-fold. First, it places a huge burden on the surviving family. I may not care what happens to my earthly remains – sure, I tell my kids, dump my ashes in a dumpster behind the local Burger King for all I care! But my kids will care and they will find actually doing such a thing supremely disrespectful. But since I didn’t leave any final wishes, they’re now burdened with doing something that is a) respectful and b) would be something I would actually want. We live 40 miles from the ocean and I love vacationing at the seaside every chance I get. That doesn’t mean I necessarily would want my ashes spread at sea – what if I’m terribly afraid of being on a boat? These are questions my kids will have to deal with after I’m gone if I don’t make my last wishes clear as crystal. And chances are even if they get everything right there’s no way for them to know that. That’s not something I want my kids or my wife or whoever to deal with. They’ll have enough mental and emotional shit to deal with as it is.
Edit: or what Puzzlegal said.
There’s also the issue of cost. We paid ~$3K for my mom’s cremation. Not as expensive as a burial but not chump change either. What if my kids don’t have the money to do this (and if I croaked right now they wouldn’t)? Having all this stuff set up and paid for well ahead of time is doing your heirs a huge favor.
My husband makes similar jokes about putting him out with the trash pickup.
I told him to make sure he died the night before the pickup day. Because if I put him outside any earlier, animals might get into the bag(s), and that would be disrespectful!
Slightly more seriously (but only slightly), he’s said “Use me for spare parts. Cremate the rest, and put it in a Pepe le Pew cookie jar.”.
A friend of ours found one, online, the same day my husband had knee surgery. She yelled at the computer “You’d better not be an omen!!” as she hit “pay”. Then she came to pick us up after the surgery (as I was not able to drive)… and found that my husband had transposed 2 digits of the street address when telling her, earlier that day. She wound up at the other end of town… in the parking lot of a FUNERAL HOME.
Pepe arrived a week or so later. My husband laughed hysterically as he opened the package. Pepe has not been put to use - but he’s on the mantel in the family room… waiting… waiting…
It’s a bit over a year since I posted this. MIL died in December, and on April 13, we’re making the trek to Tennessee to spread the ashes. Actually, my husband and our daughter will take the ashes while I entertain the grandkids (ages 7 & 3) at the hotel pool. My son-in-law (who can’t go because of work) didn’t think it was a good idea for the kids to witness or be part of the spreading.
Thankfully, apart from this, there was only one last wish. My husband’s brother has mental problems that I won’t go into here. We’ve had to manage his share of the inheritance money so his rent will be paid as well as any medical bills. Even tho their mother said he wasn’t our responsibility, she wanted to be sure he’d not end up on the streets. So we’re doing what we can, short of moving him in with us (which isn’t an option because, among other things, he hates my husband.)
I’ve tried to make things as simple as possible for my survivors. My body, after anything useful is harvested, goes to the Maryland Anatomy Board for whatever purposes they have. When they’re done, the cremains will be returned and I wanted them to go into the Chesapeake Bay, but apparently that’s now illegal. So I’ll have to come up with an alternate plan.
After all this, I’m so glad my brother is my mother’s executor - he can deal with all the details.
Sorry for your loss - I know what you’re going through …
My mum died in November, and had left full instructions (including which hymns
she wanted - “Not ‘All Things right and Beautiful’” !) and for some unknown
reason she wanted her funeral at the church, and cremation the following day (I wish we’d talked her out of it.). This was awkward. The earliest we could arrange the 2 together was 23rd and 24th December.
The funeral and wake were well attended, but for the
cremation on Christmas eve it was just me and my sister, BIL & niece. Odd but
nice, we just sat for half an hour (no celebrant or anything) and listened to some
music and looked at some photos. Then after, we took the flowers back to the church
where she wanted her ashes to be, near my brother.
We did the interment of the ashes in her plot last Friday with all her children, grand
and great grand children.
Me and my sister were joint executors, but we’ve farmed it all out to some solicitors
who will do it all for a fixed fee - it was doing my head in ! Currently arranging for
the house to be cleared and sold.
It’s all a bit overwhelming, but I will inherit a handy wedge of moolah, so that’s some
consolation !
I’d think that any park that allowed you to light a bonfire would allow you to spread cremains. Ecologically speaking, ashes are ashes.
Hopefully someone will strew my remains on Dunkin property!